Enabler or Supporter? Which Type of Friend Are You?
I support bad behavior. Don’t ask me why, but I’m the friend who encourages that extra drink, tells you to cease the day and get that number of the cute guy at the bar. Oh, and go ahead–text your ex to get the closure you need. Of course I have common sense enough to not encourage life-threatening bad behavior, but when it is all said and done, I’m the type of friend that may give you a nudge in the wrong direction. Blame the fact that I’m an out-of-the-box girl and approve bold, brazen and non-conforming moves. I definitely think it’s alright to shake things up a little bit.
Lucky for me, I have friends that have their wits about them enough to do what works for them (although they occasionally take my bad behavior suggestions). Yet, I often wonder if all my bad behavior encouragement is supportive or enabling.
Any girl who has friends has had that internal battle of whether to tell their homegirl that her shoes are hideous and her boyfriend is a total douche. Some of us take the easy way out by ignoring the ugly shoes and the boyfriend who doesn’t quite fit. While others get the side-eye for making their opinions apparent. Truth be told, sometimes friends get caught up in the moment of being nice. So yea, they approve of some of your bad behavior because reacting in some dramatic, adverse manner would be the farthest thing from being a nice friend.
In actuality, it’s an attempt to avoid conflict. Yet, when you think about it, true friendship as in any relationship is based on honesty. The ability to tell a friend “no” or honestly say, “That’s a bad idea” comes with being a real friend. Your job is to give your two cents, so that your friends can hear different perspectives and make the decision that works best for them. Telling your girls you support them and everything they do is a boldface lie. If you can’t tell your friends easy truths (i.e. her ugly shoes) then how can you possibly keep it real with harder things.
So, if your like me and support your friends bad behavior, think twice before you give another “Go on, girl!” Sometimes that bad behavior you’re encouraging is doing more harm than good.
Are you an enabler or a supporter?