22 Reasons to Get Your Black Card Pulled
11. You don’t get teary-eyed watching The Color Purple, Women of Brewster Place or that Disney commercial with the little boy talking to his grandpa in sign language.
12. You still identify folks as “high yellow” or having “good hair” (I mean, check your calendar. It’s almost 2012).
13. You don’t even pretend to show respect while folks are praying, even if you and God are on the outs.
14. You aren’t familiar with the historical value of the year 1619 but you think it sounds like a good number to play.
15. You believe the only way to celebrate your daughter’s Blackness is to give her a name ending in some variation of –ika, -isha or –ima.
16. You refuse to live in a neighborhood with too many colored folks because you only feel like you’ve arrived if you have a white or Asian neighbor.
17. You shake your hair out of your eyes, flick it off of each shoulder or wear a scrunchie around your wrist to put it up in a ponytail and take it back down, then put it up in a ponytail and take it back down, then put it up…
18. You don’t feel the least bit funny calling a man or woman old enough to be one of your grandparents by their first name.
19. You’ve never watched an episode of The Cosby Show (bonus points if you secretly wished you were a part of the family).
20. You vehemently claim HBCUs are subpar schools but you graduated from a state institution that stays on the accreditation hit list.
21. Your kids have burned through five babysitters, been kicked out of three restaurants and you’ve got a reserved seat at parent-teacher conferences, but you choose to remedy the situation with time-outs in the corner instead of digging in their tails.
22. You look baffled whenever the conversation about Black history veers from Martin Luther King, Harriet Tubman or Langston Hughes.
Your Black card, as my friend Shana says, is the one card that can never be declined, denied or falsified. But it sure can be called into question.
What’s on your list?