Whip It Out! Confessions Of A Professional Penis Previewer
From WWMD — As we’ve all learned from personal case studies, the “He Got Some Big Feet” Theory means… He got some big feet. Every now and then it means more, but far too disappointingly often it means less. Stature myths have been misleading women for centuries now. He’s really tall and built? So is Buzz Lightyear at Disney Land. You trynna hit that too? The truth of the matter is there’s no one solid attribute that’ll ever truly let a woman know exactly what’s swinging down there, until of course it’s show time, and by then… Welp, you already bought tickets sista –you better hope for a good show!
And what do we do when it’s not a good show? What do we do with those agonizing WTF-last-night-was-too-real moments that leave you contemplating if weak sex is even worth a strike on the tally list (I vote nay). Yeah those feelings can be quite haunting the morning after, or 15 minutes later (smdh). The lucky ones repress them. Others blog about them, *cough*. And others never, ever, ever end up in that position simply because they’re professional penis previewers…
For the sake of her future dating life, we’ll call the young lady *Jessica. Simply put, Jessica is a firm supporter of the whip it out theory, where she requests a viewing sample of the package before any silly strings are attached later on during the dating process. She’s sworn to never waste her time on men she refers to as “Slim Jims” ever again. Granted, this does take some shrill action on her part, yes, she’ll leave a guy’s balls singing the blues at the drop of a Trojan wrapper, but swears the discipline reaps climatic rewards.
Intrigued or offended? In any event, here’s a bit more of her story…
WWMD: So what made you become you Professional Penis Previewer, as I like to call it?
PPP: [Laughs] You’re crazy! Umm, I mean don’t you wish you had done that done sometimes? (Church). I just take sex really seriously and I think that’s a fair deal breaker, not having good… Equipment! Ya know? I’m not trying to be rude or whatever –I want to know your job, I want to know your interests, I want to know your goals, and I want to know about your dick. What’s the problem? People date to get to know each other! [Laughs]