R. Kelly’s 5 Weirdest Sexual References On ‘Cookie’

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By: / October 8, 2013

Kellz made the nation think an entirely different way about their favorite snack yesterday when he released the raunchy new single from his upcoming album, Black Panties. Never one to be discreet, Robert can get a little…too detailed, let’s say. Here are a few examples.

“Ooh…she threw it up, I alley’d, ooh… / then I beat the pussy up ’til it’s blue”

VIBE Says: Until it’s blue? Like black and blue? We don’t even want to know. Maybe Kelly is into Smurfs.

“I love to lick the middle like an Oreo”

VIBE Says: Picture Kelly doing his thing on a woman, but he’s imagining the world’s biggest Oreo instead. It’s so innocent now. Also, Kelly is apparently one of those children who still splits their Oreo and licks the fiilling.

“I wanna bite it and get inside it ’til I get you gone”

VIBE Says: Is that how it’s done?

“Break your back, crack it open like a lobster”

VIBE Says: The food metaphors are divine here. Now picture Kelly at Red Lobster with an extra ravenous look as he stuff his napkin into his collar and claps louder than anyone else when the food comes.

“I told her, ‘Put it in my face’ / let it rain, let it rain…”

VIBE Says: Kellz is singing in the rain…

“Louis Armstrong, I pick you up, eat that against the door”

VIBE Says: I don’t know what that has to do with Louis Armstrong, but it is some inventive positioning, though it sounds a bit unnecessary.