YOUR SCORE: SHOULD YOU GO BALD?
Less than 10 points: Breathe easy, bro. You’re far from a Homer Simpson three-strand combover. Be sure to shampoo (1) and condition (2) your scalp regularly to keep your follicles frolicking.
Between 10-16 points: Some fuzz may be coming off the top like a freestyle, but don’t lose your head. Mount a preemptive strike and massage those fading fronts three or four times weekly with coconut milk (rinse out thoroughly) or warm organic castor oil to spark growth. If your hairline is so far gone, grab a Minoxidil-powered stimulant (3) for hair loss—check with your MD first—and pray for fruitful crops.
More than 16 points: Sorry, Fall Out Boy; your coif is gracing the side of a milk carton. Snip that remaining struggle hair with electric clippers (4), mowing against the grain. Smooth it out by exfoliating (5), then slicking on shaving cream (6) with a brush (7) and stroking in the direction of your hair’s (non) growth with a razor (8). Once you’ve bared all, tone with an alcohol-free astringent and sun-blocking moisturizer (9) for a Birdman-like chrome dome—minus the star tats.
(1) Aveda Men Pure-formance Shampoo, $18, aveda.com | (2) Peter Thomas Roth Botanical Oasis Conditioner, $18, drugstore.com | (3) Rogaine Extra Strength for Men, $30, folica.com | (4) Wahl Professional 8110 5-star Series Balding Clipper, $43, folica.com | (5) HeadBlade HeadShed Exfoliator, $10, drugstore.com | (6) Nivea for Men Sensitive Shaving Gel, $3, drugstore.com | (7) The Art of Shaving Pure Badger Shaving Brush, $55, theartofshaving.com | (8) HeadBlade Sport Ultimate Head Shave, $13, drugstore.com | (9) Jack Black Sun Guard Very Water/Sweat Resistant Sunscreen SPF30, $20, getjackblack.com