Chilli’s Blog: Cheating Takes Too Much Effort

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By: Vibe / April 8, 2010

My general feeling on cheating, period, whether it’s a girl cheating on a guy—because they do—or vice versa is that I don’t really understand it. We live in a country where we can choose our mate so if you’re unhappy with your mate for whatever reason, then break up. It’s pretty simple. Cheating takes too much effort. You’re hiding and doing all kinds of crazy stuff. It’s just unnecessary and it’s extremely hurtful. It’s excruciating pain.

I’ll just say this: it wasn’t that I just experienced cheating with Usher because he and I never discussed that in detail. That wasn’t the first time I experienced cheating in a relationship. I’ve never cheated but I don’t know any woman on this planet who hasn’t experienced something like that, whether it’s cheating during the relationship or cheating during a breakup, which some people don’t consider cheating because you’re not technically together but you still haven’t really broken apart.

I think women are so afraid to talk about things with guys in fear of him leaving, but if he’s going to be afraid from having a conversation, then the hell with his ass! That doesn’t make any sense. I have every right to ask you questions, you have every right to ask me questions. Now if we want to give the answers, it’s up to us but there’s nothing wrong with that because how else will you find out?

A lot of people out there are really good at hiding things and making it seem like everything is normal so you don’t suspect that they’re cheating. Usually things don’t work out, not because of a cheating situation. It could just be just compatibility. Most people, in my opinion, that are together and even married shouldn’t even be together. A lot of times you just have somebody in your life because you feel like you need someone in your life. You feel like you need a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Those are your own insecurities.

When you truly, truly love somebody and it’s a healthy love, you always want to make sure you’re healthy yourself before entering a relationship and give that person your time. That’s why they call it dating. Dating doesn’t mean we’re sleeping together. Dating doesn’t mean I’m your girlfriend, you’re my boyfriend. It means that we are exclusively dating each other trying to get to know each other, figure out each other’s personalities, see if we click, if our morals are intact—all those things. And then you can graduate to the next level of the relationship.

 

Check back next week for more of Chilli’s relationship talk.

SEE ALSO: One Q, One A: Does Chilli Think Usher’s Lost His Sex Appeal?