CIVIL WRITES: Savagery Lost in Translation

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By: Vibe / January 19, 2010

A Perfect ‘10


Now that you’re oriented with the Civil Writes premise, I’d like us to begin this every Tuesday translation. Over the years I’ve developed a bland tongue towards New Year’s predictions and anticipated lists. They almost always prep the table for disappointment. So instead of continuing the sterile exercise of crystal balling what could happen over the next 50 weeks, I offer what should occur. Hence, in my perfect 2010…

Mo’nique stops screaming at BET viewers looking to unwind. Centric services responsible black entertainment television. Don Cheadle teams with the producers of Ray for the long awaited Miles Davis biopic. HBO creates a five night series on the revolutionary life of Fela Kuti.

Tyler Perry adds a few more layers to his portrait of the African-American family. Ellen DeGeneres begins sliding into Oprah‘s spot, giving hip-hop the solar power Harpo deprived it of. Tiger Woods reverses his image of Eldrick…my bad, Eldridge Cleaver in American eyes (thanks Vanity Fair). Rachel Uchitel’s tell-all “Tiger’s Wood’s Wood” won’t see daylight (I kid––no book with that title is on the horizon).

Democrats will grow a pair. They’ll also realize that in the political sphere, unlike in the animal kingdom, donkeys are far worse at surviving divisively than elephants. It will be thoroughly explained to me how Sarah Palin can kill moose for pure leisure (a sport ESPN broadcasts) and be allowed to gun for VP and best selling author but Mike Vick can’t fight dogs and play football…outside of prison.

Prez Obama gets back on board with China and India and achieves a global clean energy agreement. The POTUS then informs Afghanistan they’ll be off the nipple come 2011. Hedge Funds, that benefited best by the President playing fed-fund Santa, start investing in print journalism’s resuscitation. Every flip-cam owner on “you already know” loop will no longer rep the journalistic standard; instead lie beneath it.

Andy Roddick defeats Roger Federer to win the U.S. Open. Manny Pacqiaio decides whether Maywether Jr. should retire undefeated. Celtics rest while playing possum and once again dispose of the Lakers in six. Khlo-dom gets blamed.

Dwayne Carter detoxes while imprisoned. Drake doesn’t disappoint; instead becomes the Chris Wallace and Will Smith median. Eminem and Pharoahe Monch collab. Bilal’s next LP weds D’Angelo and Kings of Leon (ayo). Danny Merriweather fills the hole that Ms. Winehouse left in our hearts. Jay Electronica accomplishes what we wanted Nas to on his last two albums. Kanye heals and conceives album of the year. That is until Andre 3000 drops his sophomore solo opus; unequivocally proving he’s long been the Greatest Rapper Alive.

Haiti’s earthquake becomes the essential destroy before the rebuilding the impoverished republic has long prayed for. The Earth chills out.

But my brilliant year begins with you, so tell me: how would you score a perfect 2010?

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Bonsu Thompson has accomplished more in his career than most journalists dream of. The Rolling Stone 2001 “Hot Interviewer” has penned for mags like Details, XXL, Penthouse, SLAM and KING as well as notable brands such as MTV, VH1, Rocawear and Translation.