A ‘Game of Thrones’ Wishlist For Its Season 4 Premiere


/ March 26, 2014

On April 6, Game of Thrones returns to HBO for a fourth season of royal sex, intrigue and a whole lot of people reminding you that “winter is coming.” The lands of Westeros and Essos are about to get a lot crazier as the series moves forward with its adaptation of George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire book series.

What’s going to happen this season? Will we see heads being chopped off and bloody limbs flying around the screen? Will we see naked kings and queens cavorting when they aren’t plotting to conquer the land? Will we see more dragons eating people?

We don’t know. Hopefully, Season 4 includes all of the items on our wishlist, but if not, there’s always next season; Game of Thrones has signed a deal with its two showrunners for them to continue working on the series until at least the sixth season.

1. More Sex
Unsurprisingly, one of the most beloved aspects of Game of Thrones is its extremely generous quantities of medieval sex and nudity. We can only hope that will continue. With any luck, the GoT creators continue to make beautiful people have beautiful pretend sex for our collective amusement. Hey, even if we don’t have their bodies, at least we get a chance to ogle for a while, right?

2. The Lannisters Lose. Repeatedly.
The Lannisters are the resident assholes of the land, and they got way too many good breaks in the first three seasons. We’re tired of it, and we hope season four brings some pain down upon the heads of that evil family. We’re not particular either; we would be interested to see any kind of medieval torture technique practiced on them.

3. The Starks Get Revenge
Last season’s infamous “Red Wedding” episode will live on as one of the most shocking, bloody and infuriating moments in television history, and that can’t be the end of it. We need the rest of the Starks to take revenge. No, actually revenge won’t even be good enough. The remaining Starks and the other loyal Northerners need to develop some serious torture skills so that horrible event is avenged.

4. New Characters
Even though Game of Thrones has the largest cast on television, we still like to see new characters jump into the mix. Season 4 will introduce characters like the Red Viper, a Prince from Southern Westeros and Ellaria Sand, his paramour. The Red Viper is a skilled fighter with an affinity for poison and will play a pivotal role in the battle against the Lannisters. Anyone who wants to fight against the Lannisters will get our support.

5. Dwarf Action
It’s quite ironic that perhaps the coolest character on Game of Thrones belongs to the evilest family. Tyrion Lannister (played by Peter Dinklage) is a cunning tactician and a delight to see every moment he is onscreen. While we don’t have much hope for Tyrion living very long (Game of Thrones Rule #1: Once you get too attached to a character, the character will die.), perhaps he will be able to take one or two enemies down to Hell with him.

6. Going Beyond The Wall
At the end of Season 3, a chilling message was finally sent out to the kings throughout the land: the White Walkers have returned. The supernatural ghouls were seen a handful of times in the series, but everything will change once the beasts of winter finally begin attacking the medieval towns and castles. Hopefully, we have the chance to go back beyond the Wall and see the creatures who are preparing to destroy Westeros.

7. Greater Battles
With all of the kings running around with their thousands of men, it’s only logical that every once in a while there will be some massive ground battles. Let’s see some more hand-to-hand battles; the dirty mud fights where you can’t tell who is your friend and who is your enemy. Heads are being chopped off from torsos and arms and legs are flying through the air. It’ll be exciting, but only because we know we will never, ever have to take part in a battle like that.

8. Dragons, Dragons, Dragons
Daenerys’ dragons were growing for three seasons before they finally became big enough to cause some trouble; and it was totally awesome. Season 4 should put the dragons front and center as Daenerys tries to figure out who she can trust and who she wants to feed to her pets. Look for the body count to rise as well as they learn human flesh tastes quite delicious.

9. More Magic
We don’t really understand the particulars of this Lord of Light religion, but we do know that it is really weird and creepy. So, more please! What kinds of strange spells will we see in the upcoming season? Will there be more deaths by unexplainable causes? Will the magic religion begin to take a bigger role in the battle for supremacy? We can’t wait to find out!

10. The “Winter is Coming” Actually Makes Sense
It may not make the characters who live in Westeros very happy, but for us, we’re pretty excited that the White Walkers will now be popping up all over the place. For three seasons, winter was always coming, but now it’s here! Get ready for battles between fire and ice and good and evil as the kingdoms of Westeros try to figure out whether to fight each other or the supernatural ghouls. Stay warm.

Photo Credit: Entertainment Weekly