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Oh Nay-Nay! You have been the most infamous supermodel bitch in the industry since The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air days, but I see now that you might have been misunderstood. If my scalp looked like a half-eaten cup of Dippin' Dots, I would probably go over a blogger's head with my bedazzled iPhone and such. I'm not sure if you would like to join my fuckery battalion in our hunt for your edges and beyond, but I have a list of places that might possibly be holding your mane hostage. I hope that you can take the time to skim through them as we make our rounds.
1. In Chris Brown's Tear Ducts
2. Tyra Banks' Pillowcase
3. The Ladies Room at Saks
4. Diddy's Dildo Drawer
5. Inside Georgina Galanis' Swiffer WetJet
6. On The Set of The Next Twilight Film
7. Behind Gucci Mane's Upper Lip
8. The Wig Crypt Biohazard Can
9. Under Tyler Perry's Next Script
10. In A Liberian Diamond Mine
As always, I'm here to help the celebrities and I shall not rest until your hair is found and that bristle is no more! I refuse to allow those good wigs of yours to suffer, hanging on to three good stands and praying for stability. We will conquer this mission together...before people start saying your scalp looks like it sells seashells on the seashore.
Hold your head,