Something happened that wasn’t supposed to?
Yeah and just being unprotected in that type of situation where you feel like, ‘Okay I want to do this and make it happen then you come into some shit like, Oh my God this wasn’t supposed to be a part of it’ [Whispers: ‘I should just say it… it could be good for other women’]… experiencing date rape within the music industry. Going from that, to meeting someone that accepted me and stood up for me. When Swizz found out… I was very honest with what happened to me and I told him who did it. And he stepped to them and he told them, ‘This is my girl now and I want to make sure that there’s respect. I know what happened, but I just want to make sure that you know this is what it is. And I need respect in this situation from now on.’ Because [the offender] was somebody we knew we would constantly run into.
Wow, a record exec?
I can’t even tell you girl. I never said anything because I was like, ‘There’s no making it out of this okay.’ Because as a young girl, by me opening my mouth about this, I’m either going to fuck the rest of my career up or I’m going to end up getting someone locked up, and I don’t want to do that. So I just dealt with it and I knew what to do and what not to do ever again. You can’t blame people all the time because if I hadn’t put myself in that situation then it wouldn’t have happened. So I took 50% of the blame.
Did you have a feeling sex was going to be involved when you met with that man?
No. It wasn’t a part of the agenda, but it did. It wasn’t rape to the point where I was screaming. Date rape and rape are totally different. But rape is rape. Bottom line, when you say ‘No,’ it’s supposed to be no. I walked away saying, ‘I can’t believe this shit just happened.’ It opened my eyes to know what to do next and what not to do. A lot of young girls are lost; they don’t know how to make it out.
That’s the truth. It was really big of Swizz to stand up for you. What were the beginnings of your relationship like?
What people don't know about me is that I got my first publishing deal when I was 18 with Warner Chapel Music, I got my first record deal with Columbia Records when I was 19. This was all before I met Swizz. He saw my picture in a studio and was like ‘She’s beautiful. I want her.’ When we met, we were crazy about each other. We fell in love hard. In the very beginning of our relationship, I had a lot more money than him and he would rarely want to stay at my place. So I’d give in and go to his apartment, which had no furniture. We’d sleep on the floor with our winter coats on. This was all when he was just starting out. That’s how far back we go.
Damn. So what helped you to finally let go of all the pain?
Pilates helped me so much that first year. For those couple hours of doing Pilates nothing else would matter because you are so focused. You're learning all these breathing techniques and breathing, I swear, it cleans you out. It pushes out a lot of that negative energy. I also bought a lot of spiritual books on the universe and the laws of life. Once you start realizing that things really do happen for a reason, you accept it and stop fighting the world. There is one book called The Secret of Life, and it's about letting go of false emotions. I realized that the pain I felt wasn't coming from him or her, it was coming from me. I had to change.
Do you look at marriage differently at all?
No. I would get married again, but this time to someone who is completely happy with themselves and in a place in their life where they want to be. I'll definitely get married again one day, no time soon though.
How do you think Swizz answers the question, ‘What ended your marriage?’