Strength. Secrets. Swizz. Read below for part two of VIBE's epic interview with Mashonda.
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That’s commendable to say. But what about that Twitter message you sent her?
I did not expect that letter to do what it did, I swear. I was in a state of insanity when I wrote that letter. I sat on the bed and I was like, ‘I can't take this shit anymore’ and lost my mind. I sat and wrote it all out on paper first, and then I tweeted it. The next morning it was on every blog and I was like ‘Ah! Oh my God, what the fuck did I do?!’ It was not intended to be that. And I kind of felt bad.
Bad enough to apologize to Alicia?
No, I didn't feel like it was anything for me to apologize about. I wished we could have done it a different way. If she would just acknowledge me… I was begging for this person to just talk to me, woman to woman.
Are you close to Swizz’s family?
[Hesitates] We're cool. When you divorce everybody, you can tell your real friends after a divorce. You can tell who’s really down for you.
How many friends do you think you’ve lost from this?
5% stuck around. The other percentage was a part of the Swizz fan base. It's like the red sea parting. You get to see who promotes the bullshit and who’s like ‘What [Swizz], you did what?’
Did any industry names reach out to you in support?
People reach out all the time. I don't really entertain that stuff and I don't talk to a lot of people because really friends aren't always as loyal as they claim to be. I don't have a problem helping females out, because I want women to get something from my story. But I don't do a lot of talking [and] I don't do the friend thing. I'll hang out with girls and laugh and have a drink but as far as sitting down and crying about my problems, that would never happen. When I'm going through real serious shit I go into hiding. I don't talk to anybody but God. And that first year people were like ‘Mashonda are you okay?’ You're not answering your phone, you're not talking’… I just didn't have anything to say. I would get up at four am and just pray and try to go back to sleep because nobody can really do anything for you. People might love you to death but they can't do everything for you.
You’ve mentioned in the past that Swizz repeatedly denied having an affair with Alicia. Did he ever fully come out and admit to it?