During my brief time on this God forsaken earth, I’ve come to realize a few idiosyncrasies about myself. First off, I’m a shameless cocktail snob. Give me the understated genius of a Brandy Alexander or the fuck-you-pay-me glory of an Old Fashioned (Brooklyn’s Weather Up Bar has the lost art on lock) over a rum and coke any day. Secondly, I have an unhealthy hatred for the following: Tyler Perry’s Meet The Browns (Can we just call it Amos & Andy Redux?); Dane Cooke (C’MON SON!) ; the ridiculously clutch but raging phony that is Kobe Bean Bryant; 50 Cent Stans (On the real, Curtis is one of the few rappers I could kick it with. Beyond the music, he’s an engaging cat. But some of his more hardcore followers remind me of the same obnoxious, deranged robots who quote Glen Beck like he’s Nietzsche); that “Tick Tock” chick; the unhinged white-rage represented by the Tea Party; and Gucci Mane (I’m really getting too old for this shit…).
Now the proverbial last-but-not-least: I’m a know-it-all.
Friends, journalism peers, family members, former co-workers, ex-girlfriends, and assorted haters can attest to this. From music to sports to politics to claiming the best place to buy pizza in America (The Art of Pizza Inc.’s deep dish pie in Chicago…I’m such a homer) and everything else in between, if I’m even remotely schooled in the subject, consider it a showdown. You can blame Mary G. Murphy for such hubris. God bless her, but I never had a chance. She’s a bigger know-it-all than the kid.
However, this is not some aimless asshole affliction. On the contrary, it has fueled my thirst to know/learn/dissect beyond my comfort zone, which on the real, is something we should all aspire to. You should be as well-versed in the best-written show on TV after Mad Men (Battlestar Gallactica’s Sci-Fi channel spin-off Caprica) as you are with the sobering reality that the political right’s eye-winking mascot Sarah Palin should indeed be taken seriously. Remember, we live in a country where some folks believe President Barack Obama is on the streets passing out Little Red Books on some Chairman Mao shit. It’s nuts out here, ya’ll. Free Huey!
This is indeed the premise of my blog Murphy’s Law (You can thank VIBE’s resident EIC for the, um, riveting title. Damn you Jermaine Hall.) Bottom line: Every Wednesday and Friday, consider this an arena to discuss, debate and exchange ideas of the trivial and world-shaping variety with a steady barrage of argue-inducing lists, dream battles, and know-it-all diatribes. This is barber shop/hair salon talk at its most confident, opinionated and irreverent. After all, a blog is only as good as it’s responses.
Oh yeah, a few things to wrap your head around…
1. Usher is ridiculously overrated.
2. The smartest guy in the room should just come to the conclusion that bi-partisanship is bullshit. (Note to conservatives: don’t ever invite Obama to debate with you on camera ever again.)
3. Shouldn’t Taylor Swift just cut a check to Kanye West? I guess I didn’t get the memo that the Grammy’s were handing out Album of the Year awards to tween acts marketed to Miley Cyrus’ fans.
4. And while we are on the Grammy’s, why was that moving acceptance speech by Michael Jackson’s two oldest kids Prince and Paris better than the actual tepid, overblown 3-D MJ tribute?
5. Apparently there are no young black “it-girls” in Hollywood, according to Vanity Fair.
6.The more gorgeous the woman, the more of an insecure wreck she is (Someone please tell Halle Berry to have a long talk with Rihanna).
Until then, always mean what you say and say what’s on your mind.—Murph
With all apologies due to Mick Jagger, Keith “Murph” Murphy may not be a man of immense wealth, but he does have taste. For over a decade, the Chicago-born journalist has sparred with brazen hip hop moguls (Jay-Z); Hollywood royalty (Quentin Tarantino); political powerbrokers (Rev. Al Shaprton); redemption-seeking pugilists (Mike Tyson); R&B divas (Mary J. Blige); and lyrically great white hopes (Eminem). His work has appeared in such publications and sites as VIBE, Essence, The Root, and KING, and he is a frequent commentator on CNN, Fox News, VH1, and A&E Biography.