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Kill Your Idols: The Final Three

Posted 05/15/2008 at 1:03 PM  |  Comment?

The Branch Davidian firestorm is about to begin, but before it does Jon Caramanica and I must discuss the second-to-last episode of the singing competition, American Idol. To say things have gotten anti-climatic would be a massive understatement. So we won't say it. Let's get it!

Sean Fennessey: Idol?
Jon Caramanica: oh yeah
JC: that show still on?
JC: i'm all about SYTYCD
SF: i'm ready, too.
SF: Cat Deeley is looking right this year.
SF: She's gigantic
JC: Lacey Schwimmer and David Cook still an item?
JC: that will be one big-foreheaded baby
SF: i think he'll get over that chick when he's playing red rocks in 2012
JC: she's a win - i'm still riding
JC: Cookie was whatevs this week
SF: it didn't matter
SF: this has been preordained for months
JC: a fait accompli
SF: he's also holding out for next week
SF: he has to cuz the Archie brigade is gonna be heavy
JC: the funny thing about Archie is that in all the footage I see of him in non-stage situations, he's actually kinda loose
JC: possibly on the way to cool
JC: not really, but you get my point
SF: I DONT GET YOUR POINT AT ALL, SORRY JON
JC: they're holding him back, son
SF: that kid is the worst
JC: let Archie live
SF: was that on Reasonable Doubt?
JC: Vol. 1
JC: sleeper classic
JC: if that kid wants to butcher Chris Brown, let it be
SF: "I really need you, boo."
JC: that was tough
JC: i was like, you don't mean that, lil homie
SF: he shoulda done "Poppin"
SF: that's the one
JC: "Kiss Kiss"
JC: IN THE SPIDER SEATS, YOU NEVER SEE ME!
SF: think T-Pain should be a mentor next year?
SF: holler at me Mark Harris!
JC: he'd be like, where's the beatbox kid?
JC: Mark and SFJ went in this week
SF: They did.
SF: Think they're reading?
JC: maybe
JC: i saw some AZ paper that does something like this
JC: biters
JC: we see you, AZ anonycritics
SF: John McCain bullshit
JC: Jordin Sparks bullshit
SF: I'm still getting over the Archie/Chris Brown thing
SF: that hasn't been broken down enough yet
SF: that was an enormous moment that showed the disconnect
JC: it wasn't terrible from a melody standpoint
SF: doesn't matter
JC: also showed that Breezy can sorta sing
SF: he does a certain thing
SF: which I respect
JC: Archie's headed straight for Christian/Mormon pop
JC: Sucks so bad
SF: as if you didn't hate teen adult contempo enough, let's throw a little Jesus on top!
JC: i mean, think about Zootopia this weekend - Miley, Jonas Bros, etc.
JC: up against them, he'd be slaughtered
SF: is Hudgens gonna be there?
JC: I wish
SF: I'm saying
JC: That second album can't come soon enough
SF: so many possibilities for the cover art
JC: you current with Gossip Girl?
SF: not yet!
SF: one episode behind
JC: but you caught the Hudgens/Efron joke last week?
SF: oh yeah
SF: that was fire
JC: Jenny and her crew get the best lines
SF: they're monsters
SF: we should see if the writers of that show are into A.I.
SF: maybe they can pinch hit for us from time to time
JC: or the COSTUME DESIGNER
JC: (to take my spot, obvs)
SF: all you
JC: you peep my Mary Quant game?
JC: focused
SF: wikipedia says she invented the miniskirt
SF: i'm riding
JC: as you should be
SF: how do you feel about the end of the Syesha Mercado era?
JC: I am only sad because I foolishly predicted Syesha Who I Hate for the final 2 all those weeks ago
JC: and I was hoping to dumb luck into an I-told-you-so
JC: She's just awful
SF: yeah she really lucked into Final 3
JC: i don't even remember how that happened
SF: i was shocked to see Ramiele and Michael Johns in the audience
SF: I was like "oh yeah, that was this season."
JC: She beat Castro? Brooke?
JC: a race thing?
JC: no Carly, I don't think
SF: it feels like 3 years ago
JC: seriously
JC: they've been on TMZ already
JC: so over
JC: none of these people will make a great album
JC: Cookie's got one trick
JC: (a trick I like, but still)
SF: the Switchfoot thing made a lot of sense
JC: Castro will put out a Jack Johnson album that gets music placement on the next season of The Hills
SF: he should be so lucky to get a song like that
JC: i think he will
JC: a stellar minimalist
SF: i might vote for him next week
SF: I've never voted in my life
SF: but that's how much I loathe archuleta
JC: so Cookie to win?
SF: no, I think Archie has it in the bag
JC: Cookie's beaten him on DialIdol like 3 or 4 weeks running
JC: I think he can do it
JC: him and his jowls
SF: and his combover
SF: first combover to win?
SF: not counting kelly clarkson
JC: not counting Fantasia
JC: oh man
SF: i miss you, jon
JC: i miss you too
JC: FIN

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