VIBE: When you first met Irv, was there anyone warning you not to be together?
No one said anything negative, but there was always someone telling me they saw Irv at a club with this girl, talking to that girl…
Were you calm about it?
Calm? [Laughs] Back in the day in the beginning when Irv first got in the industry it was crazy!! I would be the ride or die chick that would go up to the office causing a scene. I used to fight in public–but now I have grown.
Yet how long have you been together?
Since high school, 14 or 15 years.
Was there ever at time you felt I want my old Irv back?
Yes. When Murder became really successful he wasn’t around. I was like ‘Where is Irv, seriously where is he?’ Irv got lost in the business and my children and I hardly saw him. I was like ‘damn’.
What do you say to people who give you advice on your relationship?
People are real quick to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. Meanwhile their own situations are wreck and they don’t leave. I knew people whose husband’s was out there too, trying figure out why are they telling me to what I should do?
When did you say to yourself, “Wake up, Deb!”?
The show actually had me sitting looking at myself and seeing how I was really living. I’m watching myself on TV, trying to figure out,What am I doing?
Did you have any hesitations doing the show?
Yes, that everyone is going to know my family business, and we can’t hide it anymore. Originally, Irv told me the show would focus heavily on his work in the studio with Ja but once taping started the family became more of interest. At first I was totally against it because everyone was going to see his craziness and look at me funny. People would think I was crazy.
Can you handle the focus on family?
I’m fine with it. We did our couch talks, which Irv and I would have very intimate conversations. It’s interesting because my view and Irv’s view on relationships are totally different. He thinks relationships don’t work, I believe they can. We constantly butt heads.
Relationships in general?
Irv tends to think relationships in general don’t work. He believes having a regular nine to five can be stressful enough on a relationship, but having a relationship in the industry is impossible. I think it may be hard with all the temptation but not impossible.
Did Irv’s upbringing affect his view on relationships?
Crazy thing is Irv was brought up in a loving family of eight, his parents have been together for 50 something years. Irv is the way he is because of the business – he got in the business and just lost his mind.
Drama! It’s a second season. Who pushed who to do it again, was it like “Babe...”
There is no “babe,” we don’t talk like that. (Laughs). He asked if I wanted to do a second season and I said okay.
What is the focus?
Breaking this cycle that my mother lived, seeing that I’m living in that same cycle, and realizing I don’t want Angie to be stuck in that cycle. I have to put an end to it and set boundaries, otherwise it becomes a generational curse.
There are rumors, books, and even his own comments that suggest Irv’s infidelity. What are you doing?
Keeping my family together, if I have to sacrifice my happiness to keep my kids in a family unit then that’s what I am going to do.
If your daughter Angie came to you when she was older in the same situation, would you advise her to do the same?
I would tell Angie to run for the hills. (Laughs) I would tell her my situation with Irv wasn’t good for me emotionally. I talk to her now and let her know this isn’t how a marriage is supposed to be, it isn’t healthy. For so long I’ve sent them the message that you just sit and accept a bad situation.
Did the money or the lifestyle ever effect your decision to stay?
Yes, at times I felt like this is all I know, so just let me stay. It’s not the money as much as it is the lifestyle, but regardless I have a genuine love for Irv.
So why are you changing now?
Irv and I are better as friends than in a relationship. Nothing would change if we tried to work it out, because he’s still in the business.
Secretly deep down do you really want to get back together?
The first three years of the separation I felt that way. I was hoping he would come to his senses and come back home. I held on to that hope, and it’s been seven years since our separation, and thought about how much longer would I wait before life to passes me by and I regret my choices.
How would Irv react to you getting into a new relationship?
Well he says he would be happy for me, as long as the guy treats me good he’s good. Deep down though I don’t think Irv thinks I’ll just stay the person he sees all the time – a homebody. I guess I’ll have to meet someone to really know…
And if he met someone?
Now I would be fine with it.
What would you tell a young girl considering entering a relationship with someone in the industry?
I’d say “No.” Look what I’ve been through. I know what the industry brings – the women, the drugs, so much. If it was Angie I would be scared for her to get caught up. Oh my god…
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