So what do you want right now?
Love, health, unity in my family and my friendships, success, a long life. I want everyone to be happy and to have what they need. Things I don’t want, I don’t deal with. I’m around female celebrities all the time and I can’t and won’t compare myself to them because that’s a terrible feeling.
Awful, yes. You said recently that trying new things is uncomfortable. Did you mean acting?
Yes. It’s very uncomfortable to become someone else and not be self-conscious about it. But then you see it when you’re all over and you think, “Oh my God! I did good!” (9)
Is that how you felt when you watched the Lifetime piece?
Yes! I’m growing! There’s so much I have to learn, still, but man. I saw myself grow.
Has anyone ever approached you about doing a biopic of your life?
All the time. But it’s not that time yet.
You seem to have come such a long way in this lifetime. What’s your secret? Have you been to regular therapy?
No, but I know for a fact there is a God.
You’re a born again Christian.
Yes. I went to church as a kid, but that’s not the same thing. Now it’s about me learning how to walk in love. I had to forgive everyone, and take responsibility. I can’t blame anyone anymore for what happened to me when I was younger. I’m an adult. That’s the therapy.
Right. But events in the present can trigger emotions from the past.
Yes. Something can happen today and it sends me right back. It triggers the voices. David Geffen said in a documentary [PBS’ Inventing David Geffen] that he asked his therapist, “How do I get rid of the negative voices in my head?” The therapist said, “The voices aren’t going to go away. You have to stop listening to them.” You have to stop listening to them.
My inner child is having fun now. She feels pretty. She’s feeling things she never had a chance to feel before. And now that I can let her out, she’s smiling, she’s laughing… She’s getting massages [laughs].
What were you like when you actually were a kid?
I used to wake up singing. I was always singing commercials. There was a PSA for The Children’s Aid Society, and I used to wake up singing it. (10) Every morning. By the time I was 16, all that was zapped out of me. The things that happened to me made me hard and quiet. I didn’t want to attract any attention to myself. You had to have your guard up. I wasn’t happy.
But you dreamt of being a singer.
I did. I had dreams. I saw lights, I heard people yelling.
Do you think that was a sign?
I know it was.
What do you dream about now?
Nothing much. Life is what I make it. Everything is right here.
 She threw her face into her palms when she said this, smiling broadly.
 She started singing it at the table then stopped herself. Google it. It’s worth it.