Real Talk: 7 Pitches For Amber Rose's New VH1 Reality Show
The Title: Kissed By A Rose
The Premise: Take one guess what this show is about. That's right: Amber Rose is back on the market and looking for love again. After her roller-coaster relationship with Kanye West, she needs a man (or possibly a woman) who shares her interests in art, fashion and music—and she needs that person to be able to fill Yeezy's Yeezys.
Will It Work? Obviously. At this point, VH1 could do a show about Vanilla Ice looking for love and the ratings would be through the roof. Shows about celebrities and their relationships will always do well, but they're also cheap ways to get attention and should only be used as a last resort. So Amber might want to think long and hard about going this route before she does.
The Title: A Rose By Any Other Name...
The Premise: At this point in her life, Amber Rose has options. She could open a vintage sunglass boutique or start a fashion line. She could launch a career as a female rapper or become the most famous stripper in the history of strippers (no doubt, a lofty title). She could become the next big video vixen or turn herself into a stylist for the stars. What will she choose? Hmmm...This show allows her to try everything that she's ever dreamed of trying in order to find her true calling.
Will It Work? Maybe. We're betting on high ratings for the "most famous stripper in the history of strippers" episode. But we're not sure if a nation suffering with an unemployment crisis really wants to see a 27-year-old woman with a bulging bank account pick and choose from a list of jobs that they'd never be eligible to apply for, let alone land.
The Title: The Chop Shop
The Premise: Remember that (kinda) ridiculous MTV reality show, The Chop Shop, about a barbershop in Queens? This would be like that—only with Amber Rose offering guys (and gals) baldies in the chair that she plans on having in her vintage sunglass boutique in L.A. To spice things up, she also could invite some of her celeb friends out to sit in her chair and buy up all her fancy sunglasses to help get folks interested.
Will It Work? Doubtful. Unless she's straightening up Kanye's beard while he breaks down each and every line in "Blame Game" Decoded-style, we're probably not going to spend 30 minutes watching Amber kick it in a sunglass shop with a barber's chair in the middle of it. CUT!
The Title: Rose Colored Glasses
The Premise: Want to see the world through Amber Rose's eyes? Then this reality TV show is for you. Styled after E!'s hit show The Soup, Amber gives us her take on everything from Nicki Minaj's new hair color and Lady Gaga's meat dress to J. Cole's latest mixtape and Lil Wayne's baby mamas.
Will It Work? Possibly. She'd basically be giving her fans—and guys everywhere—a chance to sit and stare at her for 30 minutes while she talks about current events (mute button optional) in a skimpy outfit. Hey, we'd watch.
The Title: Full of Thorns
The Premise: Oh, so you think it's fun to be Amber Rose? All you do is walk down the red carpet, gallivant with celebrities and wear high-end labels, right? Wrong! In this weekly series, Amber would walk people through exactly what she goes through on a daily basis to keep herself intact. From the gym to to the runway to all the super-important business meetings she attends, she would open up her world to reveal that things aren't as rosy as you might expect.
Will It Work? Probably. And we wouldn't be surprised if this is the type of idea that Amber ends up landing on. She seems to want to show people the real her—and this is probably the best way to do it.
The Title: Rose Before Hoes
The Premise: Okay, so the name would probably never get past the censors. But, hey: It's cool and we like it so we're pitching it. The point of this show would be simple: Make Kanye West jealous by showing him all the things that he's missing out on since he broke things off with Amber. That means plenty of scantily-clad photo shoots, plenty of all-girl slumber parties and plenty of fun.
Will It Work? Hell yeah. Well, except for the name. And the gratuitous nudity. And, well, on second thought, this might actually be more profitable as a $9.95/month Web series, huh?
The Title: Amber Rose Presents: Stripped
The Premise: If we learned anything from Amber Rose, it's this: Strippers can have really bright futures. Case in point—Amber's ascension from the pole to a Louis Vuitton print campaign. So, who is going to be the next stripper-turned-celebrity? On this show, Amber plays the role of Tyra Banks on America's Next Top Model as she tries to find the next great talent coming out one of the many strip clubs located in Atlanta, Houston, New York City and other large cities from around the country. Come to think of it: Why hasn't anyone picked up a show like this already?
Will It Work? Ya think? Guys pay good money to hit the strip club now to see ladies that look half as good as the chicks Amber could pull for Stripped. If she's willing to embrace her past, this could be just the kind of money-making hit that Amber—and cable TV—is looking for.
Are you planning on watching Amber Rose's reality TV show? What do you want it to be about? Do you wish she would just go away? Leave us a comment below and let us know!
