V: How did Robin Thicke get on the black team?
DR: I want Robin Thicke because he’s got chicks dancing in videos naked. Not that I’m saying white guys are better than black guys sexually, but with a name like Robin Thicke, he has to be putting it down.
AS: I like Robin a lot; it’s not like I don’t want him to be part of what we got going on. But if he does have a big dick, I don’t want him messing up the expectations for white people. I love the fact that we have no expectations for dick size. I’m cool with giving up Robin.
As their top 3 picks in the 2014 Racial Draft, Whites select Barack Obama, Gucci Mane and offer up Drake.
V: Donnell, you’re going to let the Whites take Barack?
DR: Everything that I needed out of Barack I already got in his last two terms. First president to wear a wave cap and a strong enough president to kill Osama Bin Laden.
AS: I believe in Barack. He’s a great guy, a great leader and I want him to have that white man life expectancy.
DR: After what I saw Barack do on the basketball court, they definitely can have him now.
AS: He’s not trying to catch that Type-2. I’ll trade Miley for Gucci, real talk. We need some street cred right now. Everybody is a pussy now. Everybody is a nerd. We bring on Gucci, we take away that nerd stigma a little bit, and we let people know hey we mean business, okay? We mean business.
DR: I think George Zimmerman proved y’all mean business.
AS: Man, he’s Mexican! Stop putting that on us. I want Gucci. I want someone to slap you, like we’re in the middle of a conversation and someone’s like, “How do you feel about white people today and about their place?” and just slap them in the face for no reason.
As their top 3 picks in the 2014 Racial Draft, Asians select Pharrell, The Rock and Kevin Hart.
Timothy DaLaGhetto (Asians): We need a big dude. The Rock is like half-Samoan. They’re like the big Asians. Ladies love Pharrell and people really need to know that there are sexy Asian dudes out there. Pharrell is already yellow, has chinky eyes and he be in Japan all the time anyway. We might as well make him officially Asian. I picked Kevin because—
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE
Photo Credit: Matt Doyle for VIBE