DR: You picked Kevin because he’s your same height! Let’s keep it real.
TD: That’s real. He’s a little dude and he’s killing the game right now. And as Asians, being known as being little dudes, we need somebody to show even though we’re tiny we can still do big things. Plus, he gets really nasally when he’s excited and he kind of sounds Asian.
DR: I’ll let Tim have Kevin Hart. Can’t no other black comic get on right now. As long as he’s traded, I got an opportunity of getting my Kevin Hart status.
As their fourth pick in the 2014 Racial Draft, Whites select Derek Jeter. Asians select Nicki Minaj.
AS: I’ll take Derek Jeter because he’s been giving autograph baseballs to girls after he sleeps with them. I want to hear all his stories.
TD: That would be great. I claim Nicki Minaj for the Asians. She’s been looking like an Asian lady lately and she kind of has the Michael Jackson transformation—skin is getting lighter, eyes a little tighter, hair is getting straighter. And Asian girls are coming up in terms of ass. I don’t know if it’s something in the soy sauce.
DR: I’m not a huge fan of Nicki. I’ll let the Asians take her from the waist up and I’ll take her from the waist down. Split decision.
TD: Kim Kardashian is Middle Eastern. That’s technically Asian, right?
AS: I’m good on Kim. I want to draft Prince Harry. I know he’s part pomegranate or whatever color he is, but I like that he’s got no responsibility but the same royalty. He’s in the perfect position. He can do whatever he wants and he doesn’t have to be the king to get it. He can be the fucked up brother.
As their fifth pick in the 2014 Racial Draft, Whites select Prince Harry. Asians select Miguel.
TD: Even though Miguel is black and Mexican, I’m going to take Miguel. He looks Asian, he’s tiny like an Asian, and he does karate moves to girls on stage. He’s blowing up, he has hits all over the radio and people don’t know what he is so we might as well make him Asian.
AS: He did a flying Luke Cain kick. He did a Mortal Kombat; he finished her at the Grammys.
TD: He gave her the fatality on stage.
That wraps up this year’s Racial Draft! Catch Donnell Rawlings on MTV2’s Guy Code, Judge Rawlings and his comedy tour Donnell Rawlings Unchained. Andrew Schulz serves double duty on Guy Code and The Hook Up, and Timothy DeLaGhetto drops assists on Nick Cannon’s Wild N’ Out.
FINAL RESULTSBlacks: French Montana, Halle Berry, Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus, Django
Whites: Barack Obama, Gucci Mane, Trade Drake, Prince Harry, Derek Jeter
Asians: Pharrell, The Rock, Kevin Hart, Nicki Minaj, Miguel
Photo Credit: Matt Doyle for VIBE