Tiger Woods To Take Hiatus From Golf

Following a string of embarrassing extramarital affairs that have become front page tabloid news, superstar golfer Tiger Woods has released his most contrite statement concerning his steamrolling scandal on his website tigerwoods.com:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children,” Woods says. “I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

As the first athlete to cross the billion dollar threshold, Tiger Woods was the personification of class, basking in a squeaky clean image as he dominated the golfing landscape with an amazing 14 major titles. But recent revelations have come out that Woods was anything but clean. So far, the mistress count is well over 10, as the sports icon has now been exposed as an alleged Ambien-popping player who frequently had sex with cocktail waitresses, a VIP club hostess, porn stars and prostitutes.–Keith Murphy