CIVIL WRITES: Restaurant Weak

Women are something else. And I mean that in every sense of the phrase. It’s why some men have spent entire lives searching for further understanding of their counterparts. I too am a curious man. So in honor of restaurant week in my native New York City I’m using the dining tradition as platform for a gender issue I’ve wrestled with for some time: the blurry dinner bill etiquette between man and woman.

Now I’m from the school where a guy invites a female out and pays accordingly because her time has been requested (time is money, on and off the clock). But who, I don’t understand, is this new age chick that invites men out with no intention of picking up the bill. I don’t mean the woman who uses crystal clear language like “When are you taking me out?” or “You should take me here.” I’m annoyed by missy who will damn near harass a dude for an outing––multiple texts of “We gotta get up” or constant queries of “When are we going on a date?”––and when said dude obliges, she puts the financial responsibility on him.

It’s happened to me before and more often guys I know. Man accepts woman’s invitation. When bill is placed between male and female inviter she either acts like the bill is invisible or pingpongs her sight back and forth between bill and male as if “Man Must Pay” is written across bill booklet in bold metallic letters.

Now the couple times this has happened to me I’ve never considered myself a victim because I allowed it to go down (not to say I’ve never been pissed at the audacity). I just hate haggling over money. I’ve paid for entire group dinners because I can’t stand being a part of a tacky collective playing hot potato with the check (staring at it will not make the total decrease!). I also think going dutch is wack. So for a woman to invite me out without expressing any prior expectations of me paying is a straight turn off which screams entitlement and quite possibly selfishness. Thus, for me, it’s simple: I paid to never have to go out with her again. Money well spent.

But when listening to guys explain their situations to me, I realize it’s a different dynamic. Many times these men are invited out by women whom they fancy. The outing may not be the fellas idea but the fact that a certain female took the initiative is flattering (yes men get flattered). So when that dinner, lunch or brunch concludes and the server places the bill on the table discomfort is birthed via that guy’s fears. He never ever wants to look cheap or worse, broke. And, more than anything else, I realized that guys will, in that quick moment of confusion, delude themselves into feeling that they somehow misled the woman into thinking he was gonna pay. The last thing they wanna do is offend that woman across the table because to do so may mean they’ll never get the opportunity to be near her again. It’s a vulnerable situation for guys. A situation where women know they usually have the control.

There’s great pleasure in producing an unforgettable night for a woman. Yet there’s nothing like an attractive woman instructing you to leave your cash at home. As a man it makes you want to reciprocate, even outdo––as any healthy relationship should. And these progressive women are out there. Some have told me that they don’t expect guys to pay if they invite. Many of the prettier ones say they simply expect to paid for––it’s been their norm. I just don’t understand the audacity of the female who feels entitled to a free meal and time because she’s in the mood. Nor do I understand the etiquette, if there is one. Maybe there is but it’s just not working for both genders. Like monogamy, but that’s a whole other blog. Not trying to ruin anyone’s restaurant week. Bon appetit!

__________________________

 

 

Bonsu Thompson has accomplished more in his career than most journalists dream of. The Rolling Stone 2001 “Hot Interviewer” has penned for mags like Details, XXL, Penthouse, SLAM and KING as well as notable brands such as MTV, VH1, Rocawear and Translation.

 

 

 


From the Web

More on Vibe

Leon Bennett/Getty Images for BET

Jeremih’s Mother Opens Up About His Battle With COVID-19

Three weeks into his battle with COVID-19, Jeremih has been removed from the ICU and transferred to a regular room at the Chicago medical center where he is receiving treatment. The 33-year-singer was at his mother, Gwenda Starling’s, home when he started feeling ill earlier in the month.

Within a couple of hours, he couldn't walk properly and decided to go to the hospital, where he has been since Nov. 5. “A couple hours later he was calling me saying, ‘Mom, I need to go to the hospital. All of a sudden he couldn’t walk,” Sterling told ABC Chicago. “He was barely walking. He was holding his stomach.”

Thankfully, Jeremih’s condition got worse from there. He was in critical condition and placed on a ventilator. Starling described the experience as a “tremendous nightmare.”

“The whole family was just so saddened and just shocked, first of all. After we gout out of that whole shock thing, it was like ‘OK, we’ve got to pray.’”

Jeremih’s condition has slowly improved over the last several days. His mother noted that she knew he was healing when he started asking her for real food. “I got so teary-eyed, but I get so joyful at the same time because he’s pulling through,” she said.

The family hopes that he will be home by Thanksgiving. “It may be a bit much to ask God, but I figure we’ve been asking for everything else.”

Watch the full interview below.

Continue Reading
Alex Edelman / AFP) (Photo by ALEX EDELMAN/AFP via Getty Images

‘Chappelle’s Show’ Removed From Netflix At Dave Chappelle’s Request

Chappelle’s Show is no longer streaming on Netflix, at the request of Dave Chappelle. The comedian reached out to the company to ask them to remove the series, for which he received no residuals, and they quickly complied.

On Tuesday (Nov. 24), Chappelle’s posted an Instagram video from a recent stand-up show, called Unforgiven, where he further explained his reasoning for not wanting the Viacom/CBS-owned show to stream on Netflix. “[ViacomCBS] didn’t have to pay me because I signed the contract,” he explained of the sketch comedy show. “But is that right? I found out that these people were streaming my work and they never had to ask me or they never have to tell me. Perfectly legal ‘cause I signed the contract. But is that right? I didn’t think so either.

“That’s why I like working for Netflix,” he continued. “I like working for Netflix because when all those bad things happened to me, that company didn’t even exist. And when I found out they were streaming Chappelle’s Show, I was furious. How could they not– how could they not know? So you know what I did? I called them and I told them that this makes me feel bad. And you want to know what they did? They agreed that they would take it off their platform just so I could feel better.”

Episodes of Chapelle's Show had been streaming on Netflix for about a month. While the showw has been wiped from the streaming outlet, episodes remain on Comedy Central, CBS All Access, and HBO Max.

Watch Chappelle’s full clip below.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Dave Chappelle (@davechappelle)

Continue Reading
Marcus Ingram/Getty Images

‘Black Panther’ Sequel Will Reportedly Begin Filming In Atlanta Next Year

Filming on the highly anticipated sequel to Black Panther is set to begin next summer. Marvel Studios will start shooting the Ryan Coogler-directed sequel in July 2021, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

“The series are the priority, “ a source told THR of Marvel’s film strategy going into next year. “Ramping them up takes a lot of focus. The movie machinery is well established.”

The shoot will last at least six months. Princess Shuri, the character played by Letitia Wright, who plays King T’Challa's sister Princess Shuri, could take on an expanded role given the death of Chadwick Boseman.

Narcos: Mexico actor Tenoch Huerta will reportedly join the cast, while Lupita Nyong’o, Angela Bassett and Windsor Duke are also expected to return for the second installment of the Marvel film.

In September, Black Panther’s executive producer Victoria Alonso denied rumors that Boseman would appear in the film via CGI technology. “There's only one Chadwick, and he's not with us,” Alonso said. “Our king, unfortunately, has died in real life, not just in fiction, and we are taking a little time to see how we return to the story and what we do to honor this chapter of what has happened to us that was so unexpected, so painful, so terrible, in reality.”

Boseman, 43, passed away from colon cancer in August.

Continue Reading

Top Stories