CheckPls

CIVIL WRITES: Restaurant Weak

Women are something else. And I mean that in every sense of the phrase. It’s why some men have spent entire lives searching for further understanding of their counterparts. I too am a curious man. So in honor of restaurant week in my native New York City I’m using the dining tradition as platform for a gender issue I’ve wrestled with for some time: the blurry dinner bill etiquette between man and woman.

Now I’m from the school where a guy invites a female out and pays accordingly because her time has been requested (time is money, on and off the clock). But who, I don’t understand, is this new age chick that invites men out with no intention of picking up the bill. I don’t mean the woman who uses crystal clear language like “When are you taking me out?” or “You should take me here.” I’m annoyed by missy who will damn near harass a dude for an outing––multiple texts of “We gotta get up” or constant queries of “When are we going on a date?”––and when said dude obliges, she puts the financial responsibility on him.

It’s happened to me before and more often guys I know. Man accepts woman’s invitation. When bill is placed between male and female inviter she either acts like the bill is invisible or pingpongs her sight back and forth between bill and male as if “Man Must Pay” is written across bill booklet in bold metallic letters.

Now the couple times this has happened to me I’ve never considered myself a victim because I allowed it to go down (not to say I’ve never been pissed at the audacity). I just hate haggling over money. I’ve paid for entire group dinners because I can’t stand being a part of a tacky collective playing hot potato with the check (staring at it will not make the total decrease!). I also think going dutch is wack. So for a woman to invite me out without expressing any prior expectations of me paying is a straight turn off which screams entitlement and quite possibly selfishness. Thus, for me, it’s simple: I paid to never have to go out with her again. Money well spent.

But when listening to guys explain their situations to me, I realize it’s a different dynamic. Many times these men are invited out by women whom they fancy. The outing may not be the fellas idea but the fact that a certain female took the initiative is flattering (yes men get flattered). So when that dinner, lunch or brunch concludes and the server places the bill on the table discomfort is birthed via that guy’s fears. He never ever wants to look cheap or worse, broke. And, more than anything else, I realized that guys will, in that quick moment of confusion, delude themselves into feeling that they somehow misled the woman into thinking he was gonna pay. The last thing they wanna do is offend that woman across the table because to do so may mean they’ll never get the opportunity to be near her again. It’s a vulnerable situation for guys. A situation where women know they usually have the control.

There’s great pleasure in producing an unforgettable night for a woman. Yet there’s nothing like an attractive woman instructing you to leave your cash at home. As a man it makes you want to reciprocate, even outdo––as any healthy relationship should. And these progressive women are out there. Some have told me that they don’t expect guys to pay if they invite. Many of the prettier ones say they simply expect to paid for––it’s been their norm. I just don’t understand the audacity of the female who feels entitled to a free meal and time because she’s in the mood. Nor do I understand the etiquette, if there is one. Maybe there is but it’s just not working for both genders. Like monogamy, but that’s a whole other blog. Not trying to ruin anyone’s restaurant week. Bon appetit!

__________________________

 

 

Bonsu Thompson has accomplished more in his career than most journalists dream of. The Rolling Stone 2001 “Hot Interviewer” has penned for mags like Details, XXL, Penthouse, SLAM and KING as well as notable brands such as MTV, VH1, Rocawear and Translation.

 

 

 


From the Web

More on Vibe

Cardi B Snaps At 'The Shade Room' For Publicizing Negativity: 'It’s Trash'

Cardi B is tired of The Shade Room, and she let us know that fact by posting videos bashing them on social media.

The rapper took to Instagram to discuss her issues with the social media page posting negative things about the people she is associated with, including her husband Offset. The Migos member was reportedly mentioned on The Shade Room regarding his recent felony gun possession charges.

“Everybody that they know that I’m cool with, they always try to get them set up for people to talk sh*t,” she said. "Offset donated 25K to the Ellen foundation for the kids in Africa. Did The Shade Room post it? No… are they posting any positive sh*t and investment talk that he’s been talking about in his interviews? No. But they sure post the way he had drama with his baby mom. They sure posting about his court cases, right?"

She continues by stating that she understands that blogs will be blogs, and she doesn’t want them to only post the positive aspects of celebrities’ lives. However, Cardi says that there is a “hate campaign” and bias against Quality Control and those associated with her via TSR, and she wants it to end.

“That sh*t is getting wack,” she continues. “It’s trash. How do people want us to change? For what? Why change? Y’all don’t post the change, y’all don’t post the good, y’all don’t post the accomplishments. Y’all post the f**k sh*t. So, what the f**k?”

She concludes by stating that black blogs capitalize on black drama and negativity occurring in the community, which causes white publications to follow suit.

“Stop claiming that y’all for the people, when y’all fuel drama in between these artists,” she states.

Continue Reading
Getty Images

R. Kelly Accuser Wins Civil Case Against Singer By Default Judgment

R. Kelly was a no-show in court today (April 24), after he was sent a summons to appear. Due to the singer's absence, the woman accusing him of sexual abuse in a civil case won by a default judgment. The judge presiding over the case determined that Kelly and his legal team ignored the woman's civil suit.

Per The Chicago Tribune, a woman who accused Kelly of sexually abusing her in the '90s filed a suit in February alleging that the musician had an inappropriate sexual relationship with her when she was 16 years old. She is now 36, and is identified in court documents at H.W.

Kelly was reportedly served the summons last month during his brief stint in a Cook County jail cell for missed child support payments. However, the woman's attorneys claim that he never filed an appearance in the lawsuit.

"Judge Moira Johnson granted the attorneys’ request Tuesday to enter a judgment against Kelly," the Tribune reports. "That could still be reversed if Kelly got an attorney involved in the suit. If that doesn’t happen, Kelly could be ordered to pay damages as soon as next month when the alleged victim is expected to testify about her allegations against the singer."

During H.W.'s May 8 court appearance, she will reportedly discuss her alleged relationship and encounters with Kelly in detail.

Kelly faces a maximum of up to 70 years behind bars. He is charged with 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse involving four separate victims, three of whom were underage during the time of their alleged encounters.

Continue Reading
Getty Images

Lizzo Will Appear In 'Hustlers' Alongside Cardi B And Jennifer Lopez

Lizzo continues to make waves as a musician, instrumentalist, body-positivity icon and booty-shaker extraordinaire. The artist– whose major-label debut Cuz I Love You is receiving praise from listeners and critics alike– will have a chance to put her twerking skills to the test.

According to reports, the Minnesota transplant is set to join the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Cardi B and Keke Palmer in the already-stacked lineup for the upcoming film, Hustlers. Deadline reports that this is Lizzo’s first live-action film, and her second film overall. She’ll be voicing a character in the upcoming animated musical film, Uglydolls.

Hustlers, which is set to be released by September 2019, is inspired by an article published in New York Magazine in 2016, which “follows a crew of savvy former strip club employees who band together to turn the tables on their Wall Street clients.”

Additional actresses set to appear in the film include Fresh Off The Boat’s Constance Wu, Riverdale’s Lili Reinhart, Julia Stiles, Transparent’s Trace Lysette, Mercedes Ruehl, dancer Mette Towley and Orange Is The New Black’s Madeline Brewer.

Continue Reading

Top Stories