The Goods: When Dogs Use Twitter

Twitter has officially jumped the shark. Or, in this case, the fence. As if regular folks, celebrities and major corporations tweeting about dumb ish that happens to them isn’t already enough, Mattel—yes, that Mattel—has announced a new product called Puppy Tweets. No, really. Try and follow us here: First, you need to create a Twitter account for your dog (and we already know you did this for your dog—don’t lie!). Then, you attach a plastic tag to your dog’s collar and plug the accompanying USB receiver into your computer. From there, your dog will automatically “tweet” about what he or she is doing based on the actions that the plastic tag picks up on. So if it’s lying still for a long time, your dog will tweet about taking a nap. If it chases its tail all afternoon, it’ll tweet about that. And if it stays in on a Friday night and watches you kick back by yourself with a cold one and a rom-com? Well, it’ll probably tweet something like: [email protected] Ayo! Your life sucks! Go out and do something!” Seriously, a dog tweeting? #thiscantbelife. —Chris Yuscavage