CIVIL WRITES: (S)Inner Visions


Thanks to Mr. John Mayer, I’m chockfull of questions this week. Sans last week’s spectacle, I thought his Playboy interview was one of the most entertaining Q&As ever (paltry on the follow-up questions, though).  But this entry isn’t about Mayer’s use of the N-Word or his KKK genitalia. In fact, it’s not really about Mayer, more so a quote of his that resurfaced a wonder I’ve had for some time. Peep:

PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating.

Now females everywhere were appalled at Mayer considering Kerry Washington “white girl crazy” and his penis David Duke, but not once did I hear a female alarmed that during sexual encounters the musician mentally leaves his women. So that got me thinking: is it healthy for men and women to bring images of other people into the bedroom?

This question is more so posed to those in actual caring relationships–––married or simply committed. After all lying down with anyone you’d prefer not to focus on naked says something not too flattering about your “can get it” criteria. But I’ve heard that when you’ve been in a relationship with one person for a great length of time there’s a need for some “spicing up” in the love nest (Makes sense––favorite dish may be chicken, no need to BBQ it every day). With that being known, should the elevation in your bedroom be restricted to oils, lingerie and role-playing? How could either top the image of a fantasy’s top biller?

Honestly ladies, would you care if your partner, while doing the one-on-one (after attending to your needs of course), flips you over and envisions Serena Williams’ generous backside or Kim Kardashian’s sex-tape face to carry himself to the finish line? Fellas need to answer this as well. How would you react to knowing that your lady mounted you and did the dutty wine to mental visions of Reggie Bush? Does it heighten the intensity of the experience or simply create a crutch for the lack of surface lust?

You can either relate or imagine how it is to grow older with a significant other. No matter how deep that relationship may have ripened the initial attraction to your partner was purely superficial. It resembled seeing your dream car for the first time. You desired that car with lust and prayer. You worked for that car. Earned that car. Loved that car. You were there. It helped you get here. But after years that car is not as visually appealing as when you first laid eyes on it.  What do you do? Ignore the feeling from that first day y’all met? Some of y’all are uncomfortable with my comparison of humans and vehicles. Yet both are tangible nouns that another can be possessive over­­. So can’t a case be made for both to be viewed on occasion as a possession? No matter what your answer is surface attraction will be as in vogue as visual stimulation during sex. That will never change.

So what happens when your guy’s pecks begin requesting a man-bra, or her once flat tummy starts giving her derriere protrusion competition? Some additional theatre of the mind may keep ya sweat game fresh. But is fresh always healthy? Are you relieving your partner of the physical pressure (Can he realistically sculpt himself into an NFL heartthrob? Will she ever have ‘Rena’s booty?), or are you falsely crediting your partner for quenching your visual thirst? If it’s the latter, how honest is your relationship? The truth eventually sees the light. So when you or your partner’s mental ménages are admitted, will your sex life be ultimately strengthened or ruined by the filmstrip?


Bonsu Thompson has accomplished more in his career than most journalists dream of. The Rolling Stone 2001 “Hot Interviewer” has penned for mags like Details, XXL, Penthouse, SLAM and KING as well as notable brands such as MTV, VH1, Rocawear and Translation.

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