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Murphy’s Law: Because I’m Right And You’re Wrong

During my brief time on this God forsaken earth, I’ve come to realize a few idiosyncrasies about myself. First off, I’m a shameless cocktail snob. Give me the understated genius of a Brandy Alexander or the fuck-you-pay-me glory of an Old Fashioned (Brooklyn’s Weather Up Bar has the lost art on lock) over a rum and coke any day. Secondly, I have an unhealthy hatred for the following: Tyler Perry’s Meet The Browns (Can we just call it Amos & Andy Redux?); Dane Cooke (C’MON SON!) ; the ridiculously clutch but raging phony that is Kobe Bean Bryant; 50 Cent Stans (On the real, Curtis is one of the few rappers I could kick it with. Beyond the music, he’s an engaging cat. But some of his more hardcore followers remind me of the same obnoxious, deranged robots who quote Glen Beck like he’s Nietzsche); that “Tick Tock” chick; the unhinged white-rage represented by the Tea Party; and Gucci Mane (I’m really getting too old for this shit…).

Now the proverbial last-but-not-least: I’m a know-it-all.

Friends, journalism peers, family members, former co-workers, ex-girlfriends, and assorted haters can attest to this. From music to sports to politics to claiming the best place to buy pizza in America (The Art of Pizza Inc.’s deep dish pie in Chicago…I’m such a homer) and everything else in between, if I’m even remotely schooled in the subject, consider it a showdown. You can blame Mary G. Murphy for such hubris. God bless her, but I never had a chance. She’s a bigger know-it-all than the kid.

However, this is not some aimless asshole affliction. On the contrary, it has fueled my thirst to know/learn/dissect beyond my comfort zone, which on the real, is something we should all aspire to. You should be as well-versed in the best-written show on TV after Mad Men (Battlestar Gallactica’s Sci-Fi channel spin-off Caprica) as you are with the sobering reality that the political right’s eye-winking mascot Sarah Palin should indeed be taken seriously. Remember, we live in a country where some folks believe President Barack Obama is on the streets passing out Little Red Books on some Chairman Mao shit. It’s nuts out here, ya’ll. Free Huey!

This is indeed the premise of my blog Murphy’s Law (You can thank VIBE’s resident EIC for the, um, riveting title. Damn you Jermaine Hall.)  Bottom line: Every Wednesday and Friday, consider this an arena to discuss, debate and exchange ideas of the trivial and world-shaping variety with a steady barrage of argue-inducing lists, dream battles, and know-it-all diatribes. This is barber shop/hair salon talk at its most confident, opinionated and irreverent. After all, a blog is only as good as it’s responses.

Oh yeah, a few things to wrap your head around…

1. Usher is ridiculously overrated.

2. The smartest guy in the room should just come to the conclusion that bi-partisanship is bullshit. (Note to conservatives: don’t ever invite Obama to debate with you on camera ever again.)

3. Shouldn’t Taylor Swift just cut a check to Kanye West? I guess I didn’t get the memo that the Grammy’s were handing out Album of the Year awards to tween acts marketed to Miley Cyrus’ fans. 

4. And while we are on the Grammy’s, why was that moving acceptance speech by Michael Jackson’s two oldest kids Prince and Paris better than the actual tepid, overblown 3-D MJ tribute?

5. Apparently there are no young black “it-girls” in Hollywood, according to Vanity Fair. 

6.The more gorgeous the woman, the more of an insecure wreck she is (Someone please tell Halle Berry to have a long talk with Rihanna).

 

Until then, always mean what you say and say what’s on your mind.—Murph

___________________________________

With all apologies due to Mick Jagger, Keith “Murph” Murphy may not be a man of immense wealth, but he does have taste. For over a decade, the Chicago-born journalist has sparred with brazen hip hop moguls (Jay-Z); Hollywood royalty (Quentin Tarantino); political powerbrokers (Rev. Al Shaprton); redemption-seeking pugilists (Mike Tyson); R&B divas (Mary J. Blige); and lyrically great white hopes (Eminem). His work has appeared in such publications and sites as VIBE, Essence, The Root, and KING, and he is a frequent commentator on CNN, Fox News, VH1, and A&E Biography.

 


 

 

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Cardi B Gets Driving Lesson, Performs For Senior Citizens During 'Carpool Karaoke' Segment

Cardi B was the latest guest on James Corden's Late Late Show segment, "Carpool Karaoke," and as expected, it was a helluva time.

The Grammy nominee ran through some of her hits with Corden, such as "Bodak Yellow," "Money," "Be Careful" and more. She discussed her transition from stripper to MC, which Corden attributed to "grinding and hustling for a long time.”

“A lot of these deejays was sleepin’ on me… they was frontin’ on the kid!” Cardi exclaimed. Cardi also discussed her childhood growing up in the Bronx, which included keeping a razor blade in her cheek just in case some crazy sh*t goes down, as well as her affinity for ASMR videos. She also performed at a senior citizens' home at the end of the clip to a rousing response.

Perhaps the best part of the segment was her attempt to drive. Facilitated by a conversation in which the two discussed her five luxury cars, Cardi hit a few cones and flags while trying to maneuver in and out during a lesson. She said that the car (a Range Rover) was a bit big for her, but her lack of driving skills period resulted in her hitting a camera during her attempt at parallel parking.

“I couldn’t rap about these cars because I didn’t own them,” she laughed before adding, "[Driving] is scary.”

Watch the entire segment above.

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Cardi B and Offset appear at New York Fashion Week: The Shows in February 2018.
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Offset's Father Calls Out Cardi B In Lengthy Post Defending Son

Offset's father Tony has had enough of the family drama between his rapper son and his estranged wife, Cardi B. On Facebook, Mr. Cephus wrote a lengthy post about the devastating effects fame and spotlight have had on his family.

“Right now, my family is going through a tumultuous time,” he wrote in a group for the brothers of the Alpha Phi Alpha and Alpha Kappa Alpha fraternities. “What you see in the media is only the tip of the iceberg. Social media is a powerful tool, but certainly no place for family situations; however, our youth, specifically my son’s wife doesn’t understand that. She seems to want to take everything to social media without regard to the devastation it has on others, past present and future or specifically what it does to the other children.”

While Mr. Cephus admits that his son has done his "fair share of dirt" and isn't innocent in the recent divorce situation, he says the "whole scenario is a never-ending drama session." He also calls out Cardi for posting a picture of Baby Kulture "out of spite," going against the wishes of Offset and the family.

"It's a tic for tack, mudslinging situation fueled by jealousy, envy, insecurities, psychological issues, drugs, etc, etc, etc," he continued. “While he ain’t perfect, he is mine and as a parent I have a duty to protect him. Right now, I cannot do that."

Offset made headlines over the weekend for hijacking Cardi's headlining set at the Rolling Loud Festival in an effort to win her back; the "Money" MC stated she and Offset were separating in early-December.

"We are talking about a 25-year-old with an unlimited supply of money, women chasing him, people at his disposal, etc.," Offset's father continued. "My whole family is in an uproar right now and I can’t fix it. I would not wish this on anyone. I would give anything to go back to simply being a school teacher and coach.”

Read his entire post below.

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Maroon 5 Scrambling To Find Guest Performers For Super Bowl Halftime Show

Between the NFL’s stance on the National Anthem and the league’s treatment of Colin Kaepernick, performing at the Super Bowl halftime show clearly isn’t as alluring as it used to be.

Maroon 5 has reportedly been scrambling to finding someone to share the stage with them at the Super Bowl LIII halftime show in Atlanta next month, but it’s not for lack of trying. The band is having trouble pinning down special guests because, “No one wants to associate themselves with the NFL,” US Weekly reports.

Cardi B,  who collaborated with the Maroon 5 on the hit single “Girls Like You,”  mulled it over, but ultimately turned down the Super Bowl invitation.

“It’s a no right now,” a source told the outlet of Cardi’s decision.

Andre 3000 and Mary J. Blige were approached to perform as well, per a Variety report. Blige was unable to commit due to scheduling issues. Other alleged names being tossed around include Usher, Lauryn Hill, Nicki Minaj, and Madonna.

Since Atlanta is a virtual hotbed of Black artists who were seemingly overlooked to headline the show, focusing on local talent might be Maroon 5’s safest bet. According to Variety, Migos and Lil Yachty could be in the running to fill the empty spot.

The NFL has yet to officially announce Maroon 5 as the halftime act. Meanwhile, a Change.org petition calling for the band to drop out of the show has received nearly 75,000 signatures.

Super Bowl LIII goes down Feb. 3, 2019, at Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

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