VIBE’s Guide To Watching The Oscars

News

The storied Oscars stand as the most prestigious and historic awards show in the entertainment industry. It’s also the longest, most cumbersome telecast on television—a marathon outing that has been known to run over three hours. So to help you get through some of those horrific Oscar gowns, meandering acceptance speeches, and obscure awards (what’s the difference between Best Sound Editing and Mixing?), we present to you a brief guide to surviving the 82nd Academy Awards. Use wisely.

  • Remember, co-Academy Awards host and 30 Rock MVP Alec Baldwin is the funniest man on television.
  • But that still shouldn’t stop you from imagining how absurdly wild (and hilarious) it would be if Katt Williams hosted the Oscars. I’m starting the petition right now.
  • For the adventurous, set up a drinking game with a two bottles of Johnnie Walker Black Label. Whenever a winner says’ “I wasn’t expecting this,” everyone at your Oscar party has to knock down a shot. Make sure there are plenty of designated drivers because it’s going to be a long night.
  • The Princess and the Frog has no chance against Up. But it’s guaranteed a win for Best Original Song.
  • Prepare yourself for some of the most disastrous fashion statements since 2009’s BET Hip Hop Awards.
  • Don’t curse out the TV screen when feel good story and Best Leading Actress nominee Gabourey Sidibe loses to Sandra Bullock
  • Go ahead. It’s okay to root for Jeff Bridges. The dude made The Big Labowski!
  • Understand that the Oscars’ savvy move to double the number of Best Picture nominees is all about boosting ratings. That means Avatar has as much a chance of winning as Cop Out has of being nominated next year.
  • Try not to cry during Mo’ Nique’s moving acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actress.
  • After you give it up to Mo, don’t feel guilty for wondering aloud why black actors seem to only win Oscars for “Tragic Negro” roles. Would Don Cheadle be nominated if he was cast in George Clooney’s complex role for Up in The Air? —Keith Murphy  
Tags: News