Affion Crockett On LeBron James Signing: ‘Get Off That Man’s Nuts’

Funnyman Affion Crockett spazzes out on LeBron James “Decision” detractors

I hate the way that they’re trying to criminalize him as if he really committed a crime. He didn’t murder anybody. He didn’t make promises and turn his back on people. First of all, LeBron James is not the mayor or governor of Ohio. So them wanting him to stay to save the city of Cleveland—he gave his heart to Cleveland and Akron since he was a kid in high school. He’s been there his whole life. He’s 25 years old, he’s still young, he’s the hottest athlete in the world. If he wants to go to Miami and live it up with his friends—who are also in their prime and killing the basketball court—by all means do it. He didn’t do anything wrong. We all knew the decision was coming. Get off that man’s nuts. Let him play, let him live.

Dan Gilbert was talking like a bitch. He was salty. That was very unprofessional. I could understand if it was a teammate who rides the bench all the time—but you’re the owner of a team talking like you were betrayed. No, you’re a businessman and you understand what free agency means. He has the freedom to open up his business to whatever team wants to make him the best deal.

LeBron is a marketing genius—any other player would have done it that way, too. They would’ve took the attention. They would’ve been the most-talked-about thing in sports. I don’t fault him at all. It wasn’t like he did it surprisingly. We knew about this announcement for weeks. So the fact that people are saying, “Oh, he shouldn’t have waited till he got on TV and made this big announcement,” why not? He told you he was gon’ do it. It wasn’t a news break or special report.

I really don’t understand people’s reaction to LeBron’s decision. It’s corny to me. All I would say is protect yourself at all times, whatever that means to y’all brothers. And that’s from everybody: groupies, paparazzi, chain snatchers. Being in LeBron’s shoes, you got all these endorsements; if I was him, Wade or Bosh I would go to all my companies. Nike and all of them. I would try to get an extra-strength condom made. Some type of reinforced-steel condom, cause I know the groupies are out there sharpening up their safety pins right now trying to get their pregnancy on. No million dollar babies here.



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