Beyonce Knowles Is Not A Girl Anymore (VIBE June 2007) [PG.2]
You’re 25. When I was 25 my skin was not tough.
Everybody messes with celebrities. At a point, you just have to decide if you really want it. If you do, you have to have a tough skin. And after you get a certain amount of success, you have no choice. Either you’re gonna turn to other things to take away the pain you feel, or you have to deal with it and move on.
How do you deal when people think things about you that aren’t true?
It’s very, very hard.
Or even just saying, ‘I didn’t like the movie.’
I don’t mind when people don’t like something because that’s their opinion. I don’t like everything I hear or everything I see and that doesn’t make me a negative person or a hater. But when someone is making up things, and it’s just completely, blatantly wrong and coming from an evil place with bad intentions, that bothers me. First of all, I don’t listen to the radio.
No. If I do, it would be in the car or on my way to a venue --- but not consciously. I don’t go on the internet.
Everybody goes on the internet.
I absolutely do not. I have my BlackBerry, but unless I’m approving videos or approving song mixes, I don’t go. I don’t buy anything online. I’m scared. I don’t want to just give ‘em my credit card. I don’t want to be hacked.
You don’t ever Google Beyonce Knowles?
No, no. [laughs]. No, thank you. I don’t need that drama.
But when you hear it, are you mad?
Depends. If it’s something about my sister or my nephew or it’s something evil, then yes. I’m upset. I wanna kill somebody. If it’s a rumor that’s vindictive, or something harmful, or something everybody’s believing that is completely not true, then it’s frustrating because there’s nothing you can do about it. If someone misquotes you, or says some complete lie, and then they go back and retract that, people still don’t believe that you didn’t say it. Either I can be depressed and angry all the time and start resenting my work, which will block my creativity --- it’ll stop me from loving performing, it’ll stop me from loving doing photoshoots and videos, and I’ll start resenting doing what I was born to do --- or I’ll be depressed and it’ll mess up my personal relationships, my relationships with my family. You know people turn to partying to hide the pain, drinking all this and that, and I don’t wanna do that. So sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I wanna cry. Sometimes I wanna scream. Sometimes I wanna curse people out.
Do you sometimes not want to go out?
I never feel like that. I mean, I go out. I always said to myself I’m not going to allow my job to stop me from living. I don’t wanna be one f those people stuck in the house all the time ‘cause I’m scared of somebody taking a picture or starting a rumor.
I just don’t see how at 25 your mind is right.
Because I started at 15.
We know other people that started when they were 15. We know other people that recently have been looking seriously like they’re having a breakdown. The life is a lot. So for you, is it inner strength? Is it God? Is it family?
It’s absolutely an inner strength, and it’s something God gives you. I make mistakes and I’m gonna continue to make ‘em. I’m sure. You grow and you learn. People around me genuinely care about me, and they love me --- and sometimes that’s not easy, to work with my family, it’s hard because everyone knows you. It’s awkward because the same person you’re waking up and laughing with, you gotta go and say, ‘You were late.’ Or, ‘I don’t like that outfit,’ or, ‘No, I don’t wanna do this deal even though you want me to do it.’ I think it’s important that I have reality around me. Not only my family, but my friends are honest with me. They tell me, ‘That was wack,’ or, ‘You need to practice a little bit more,’ or ‘What you had on looked nuts.’ If someone who works with me is too everything-I-do-is-great, I don’t want them around. Because they’re not gonna tell me the truth. And that’s the beginning of the end.
When is the last time you really, really cursed somebody out?
Me and my dad go at it. People would be very surprised [laughs].
Was it always like that?
Now we don’t do it much, because I’m an adult and he’s respectful of that. But during the time when I was becoming an adult and I was trying to, you know, claim my independence around the ‘Independent Women, Part 1’ time, we went at it all the time.
Not too many. I’m respectful. It was awkward, because when it’s time to be managing something, it’s time to be managing something. When it’s time to be a father, it’s time to be a father. We had our…moments [laughs]. But it’s way more powerful to not curse. I don’t care if you’re a woman or if you’re a man. My mom curses all the time. My dad, when he gets angry, he starts going crazy, so it’s not like I had this holier-than-thou family. But I just don’t like confrontation, which I guess people will be surprised by. People expect me to be like this diva and this person who needs to be the center of attention, and I’m the opposite of that. I hate confrontation. I’m a people-pleaser. I want everybody to be happy.
How does someone know you’re mad?
I get quiet. Less is more with me. And if I do curse --- which I do when I’m really mad --- I’ll say one word and you’ll know. But I don’t curse people out. I don’t think it’s necessary.
Since I know you won’t curse me out, I have to ask the question that I know you don’t like to answer. Are you in love right now?
I don’t talk about that. I’m extremely happy. Absolutely --- in a wonderful place with my career, with my personal life, with my family life. Every year I get more comfortable with myself and more happy.
When you were growing up, what kind of man did you think you would marry?
I wasn’t the type of girl who dreamed about my husband.
The type that dreamt about the dress and all that?
You were dreaming about singing?
Yup. At a young age, all I could think about was my work and my goals. And then I started getting dressed up and going on the red carpets at such a young age…It doesn’t mean too much to me.
For most girls, the fanciest dress they’re gonna put on their whole lives is for prom and wedding. That’s everyday for you.
Do you feel like --- of course, you don’t go on the Internet --- there’s been any sort of backlash at you since Dreamgirls?
Absolutely not. I know there’s a typical rumor every single time I’m involved with any African-American female. Before I even meet them I already know the rumor, because that’s just --- it is what it is, and it has nothing to do with me.
That two successful black women can’t get along?
Absolutely. And it’s very unfortunate. It’s the same thing, no matter how many times I say it. People just drill it and drill it. But that’s against everything I stand for. I always support women. I grew up in a group. I love women, and I’m a successful woman, so I embrace talent. I embrace when people are able to make it, especially people who are sweet and deserve it and are talented. It’s frustrating to me. But what do I do? I’ve worked with Britney. I‘ve worked with Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, and they don’t start that. Whenever it’s to black women it’s…unfortunate.
What do you think that stems from?
I don’t know.
Are you tired of it?
It’s frustrating. There’ve been many rumors about me, and they go away in a month or two weeks, because they don’t have anything to validate the rumors. So, people make up whatever they want. But I can’t dwell on it, because eventually the truth comes out.
Do you think people think you’re perfect?
I hope not, ‘cause I’m not. I feel like people are always trying to find something wrong with me. I’m like everybody else. I have my bad days, my good days. I keep my personal life to myself and it is what it is. And even my personal life --- because I don’t talk about it, people try to start things to make me talk about it. They say ‘Oh well, if we say something’s going wrong, then maybe she’ll talk about it, and then we’ll get to find out.’ But I’m smarter than that --- I already know the tricks [laughs].
Finish this sentence: Beyonce Knowles is not who you think she is. Actually, she’s…
A friend. A woman like any other woman with challenges, imperfections, insecurities --- like everybody else.
Do you consider yourself an extremely intelligent person?
I think I’m intelligent.
Do you think you’re sexy?
Do I think about myself being sexy? I don’t think about it. I don’t.