Rock With A Belle! Demetria Lucas Talks 'A Belle In Brooklyn,' Gives Advice For Dating And Relationships

Relationship expert Demetria Lucas authored the much-needed and aniticpated book of her personal dating tales titled A Belle in Brooklyn: A Single: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. In the post-Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man years, it's reassuring to have a female pen something very honest and true to navigating the maze of relationships from a woman's perspective. Flipping through the pages of Belle's diary (or at least it seems like it), Vixens can find a reflection of themselves in some fashion. VIBE Vixen decided to catch up with DL on her book tour to talk specifics about her journey through the throes of passion, love and lust, as well as get her to drop some dating knowledge on us single girls! -Niki McGloster (@missjournalism)




VIBE VIXEN: What has the ride been like penning your first book?
DEMETRIA LUCAS:
It has been whole lot of hard work. This is the most I ever put into doing something in my entire life. When you do features, it’s like 1,500 to 2,500 words and you can knock that out fairly quickly if you need to, but the process to write a book? That’s about 85,000 words. Writing that much and editing at that volume is pretty intense. People always say writing a book is like having a baby, but this is the most intense process. I really feel like I set something into the Earth, but I am super proud of that.

Did you have to force yourself to sit down or did the writing come to you? I know many of these are specific stories of life experiences, so I imagine it would be easier than writing fiction.
No, I didn’t have to force myself to write; it was finding the time to sit down and write. A lot of the book, at least the first draft of it, was written in my Blackberry on the train going to and from work, so I definitely had to make the time. You would think that writing about my life is easy than doing a whole bunch of research, but I put a lot of it out there in the book. I talk about heartbreak, and I talk about some traumatic events; I really wanted people to go there with me [and] that took a lot emotionally out of me.

How did it feel to revisit those emotions especially the night with Dakar and Greg? Did you cry or find yourself shying away from revisiting those emotions as you were writing that part?
I don’t want to give too much away for those who didn’t read the book, but I dealt with that situation in an unconventional way. When I was writing this passage, I realized it was the hardest to write for obvious reasons, [and] I went back to behaving the way I had for so many years before I had the opportunity to confront the issue. In the sense, I usually go out and roam around looking for a party or a club, and if no one wants to go, I’ll go on my own. But I found myself wanting to be around people, wanting to be safe and protected. My mother didn’t think I should include this because she didn’t want me to relive it and people to constantly ask me about it. When I used to tell that story, I never met a woman who didn’t have a story of their own. It’s almost like a very sad and unfortunate rite of womanhood that she had been in a situation where some guy had forced himself on you in varying degrees, so I felt that it was important to talk about. This is a book for women, and this is something women have to deal with.

As a woman, I definitely appreciate your raw honesty. Are there any rules, similar to that common three-month sex rule, that you can offer to women? Some you didn't include in the book?
You should date men through seasons in order to get to know them. I know a lot of women say, 'We’ve been dating for three months and he doesn’t know where its going.' Well, that’s because you don’t know him. In three months, everyone is still in the great representative phase; somewhere around day 91 is when they start to get real. You should try to determine his character and that can be determined during times of adversities. You need to find someone you like, get to know them and see how they are when their money isn’t right or they are having issues with their childrens' mom. To get to know people, take like six months. Another thing is: Women stop asking men what they do. To ask a man doesn’t say anything about who they are; it’s just what they do. Most men, whether they are broke or a baller, expect to be the breadwinner in a relationship. Now whether that is actually going to happen or not is a whole other story. He expects to be able to bring something to the table and to provide for his spouse or his lady. What your expectations are in a relationship don’t translate to men because that isn’t what they are looking for.

What are your thoughts on a woman being the breadwinner in a relationship, do you believe that it totally switches the gender roles in a sense?
It can. I was just reading another really great book about relationships for an interview I was working on. It was talking about how in black relationships, women are the providers. It makes sense because black women obtain college degrees at a rate much higher than men. It can change gender roles. Money in a lot of relationships equates to control. When women make a little bit of money, they want to run wild, [and] men recognize that they have no control when it comes to money, so they try to clamp down in other ways, so it can get a little ugly. If you do want to be with someone and you make more, do not allow money to be the thing that tears you apart. You have to sit down and discuss the expectations especially if you are married, you have to think in terms of us, our money, we, etcetera.

Have you found that there can be a functional A-B hybrid man? [Ed. note: Demetria's theory on A and B type of men can be found in the book.]

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In true celebrity fashion, Shmurda was brought home in a private jet this morning. Earlier this week, Migos' Quavo told Billboard that he would do the honor of picking him up upon Bobby's release. "I'm going to get my guy. I'm personally gonna go pick up Bobby Shmurda. I'm bout to go get him. I'm gonna let him show you how I'm gonna pick him up, yessir. It's gonna be big."

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In December 2014, Shmurda was arrested at New York City's Quad Studios and was charged with conspiracy to murder, criminal possession of a weapon, criminally using drug paraphernalia, and reckless endangerment follow a two-year probe by the New York Police Department. In 2016, the former Epic Records signee and his childhood friend Rowdy Rebel accepted a plea deal and were sentenced to 7 years in prison.

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Now that Bobby is out, he'll be spending time with family and friends and getting his head back into creating new music. Watch his FaceTime call with his mother, Leslie, down below.

Welcome back, Bobby.

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— Bobby Shmurda Updates (@bodboybobby) February 23, 2021

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Fat Joe, Jim Jones and Bronx Community Celebrate Fred The Godson's Street Naming On His Birthday

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The Thomas family announced thank you's and love to Councilmember Rafael Salamanca Jr. of District 17 in the South Bronx, Bronx Borough President Ruban Diaz, NYPD's 41st Precinct, and the Bronx community for helping make the Frederick “Fred the Godson” Thomas Way street co-naming possible.

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Much respect to the legacy of the husband and father, Fred The Godson.

 

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Jay-Z Sells Half Stake Of 'Ace Of Spades' To Moët Hennessy In New Partnership

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Moët Hennessy's president and CEO, Philippe Schaus shared how his company has been a long-admirer of Armand de Brignac's success in the champagne and wine categories.

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Watch Jay-Z's sitdown interview with CNBC's Squawk Box (which aired shortly after the published announcement) where he talks about how the deal came to fruition and his growth since entering the wine and spirits space after boycotting the champagne line, Cristal back in 2006.

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