Rock With A Belle! Demetria Lucas Talks 'A Belle In Brooklyn'; Gives Advice For Dating And Relationships [Pg. 2]
Have you found that there can be a functional A/B hybrid?
Yes, they are rare. But like four leaf clovers, they do exist. If I was a woman looking for one, I would not go banking on that very thing because you might be looking for a very long time and not find it. There are some Alpha males out there that can blow your back out, that male that is controlling and domineering that women try to find and can also have a sensitive side at the same time, but they are difficult to find.
Do you think that instant attraction, intense kind of guy is for younger or more immature women, or do you think they come and go throughout any portion of your life?
They can come and go through any portion of your life. There is something to be said about the guy that walks into a room and his swagger is on 100 million and you can’t help but like him. When you talk to him to get butterflies. You think I am a grown woman, and you are like why are my knees weak, but it happens! Be weary of that. You have that chemical reaction; it's just physical, so don’t play on that physical attraction. He might just be good in bed.
You are impeccably stylish and sophisticated. Are you the type who feels like you have to be lady like at all times or are their times that you can be free and wild out?
I am free and wild out most of times. My boyfriend teases me all of the time and says, 'You like ruffles and heels and stuff, but you can be just like a dude sometimes.' [Laughs] To be lady-like, some of the things that mean to be a “lady” are softness and demurness, almost knowing your place. Knowing your place is mainly assigned to children; there is a time or a place for that. To redefine what a lady is: A lady speaks her mind, she knows who she is and knows what she wants and she is not afraid to say that. It’s not being bitchy, its being a woman and I am that all the time.
You're a boss Vixen too! Has it conflicted in your interactions with any male-dominated industries?
Most of my career, I’ve always worked around a lot of women. I’ve been at Essence for four years, and before that I was editing romance novels at Harlequin and BET. I've always had female bosses and worked around a lot of women. When I was freelancing I used to [cover] hardcore hip-hop. I had an exclusive with Beanie Sigel, right when Styles P came out. I went to the studio and spoke about how he punched someone so hard it broke his eye socket. I am just a cool girl. I’m me, and I think guys respect it. I think many guys would be surprised when they read my book because men are presented as being three dimensional even in situations where they don’t act right or correctly when I want them to. They are not presented as these one dimensional characters: a dog, a pig, has a bad relationship with his mother.
You have this situation with Evan that you end up walking away from. Looking back at it now, do you believe love could have been learned and you could have stuck it out?
People would always say good black men are hard to find, and you should stick it out, but I wasn’t happy. I wanted to be with my friends. He was an amazing man, [and] I can’t say anything negative about him, but timing is everything in all aspects of life [and] this includes relationships as well. That’s not where my heart was, and it wasn’t where my head was, I wanted to wild out in Miami with my friends while I was bouncing a baby on my lap. They were talking about cookware and home décor, and it wasn’t what I wanted.
Okay, so let's do a quick round of "Either Or" with you since you're the relationship guru!! First up: A girl is going to college and she gets approached by an athlete. Should she date him or run?
[Laughs] Date him. Don’t necessarily try to lock him down, don’t make him your man. Enjoy the parties and the games, just go for it.
A girl falls in love. Her and her boo are about to graduate from college. Should she move in with him or no?
I say no, but I totally get why you would want to move in. I don’t see the logic in playing like a housewife, taking on the responsibilities, if you don’t reap the benefits.
New girl, new city. Date abundantly or don’t juggle the drama?
Date abundantly! Go out, meet people and enjoy as many attractive suitors. Have as many experiences as you possibly can. If you meet somebody that you are really feeling and he is really feeling you by all means be in a relationship.
Become friends with your exes or keep it moving?
It depends on how the relationship ended, and if you are emotionally ready. If you ended badly, and he is trying to be your friend keep it moving because he had the opportunity to.
You can pick up a copy of at Barnes & Noble or order online at Amazon.com!