The Cow Is Dead And The Milk Is Sour


The other day a few friends and I were having a casual conversation about life when one of them mentioned wanting to move. It went a little something like this:

Friend 1 – “I really want to move into the city, but it’s SO expensive and I can only pay $1100″

Me – “You can find something for that…it will be small as hell though.”

Friend 2 – “You and Jeff* never thought about moving in together?”

Friend 1 – With disgusted face, “Oh no, no. Not until I get married or at least engaged. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”

Me – “Girl please, he’s been getting the milk for free so cut it out.”

Friend 1 – “What do you mean? How do you know he’s getting the milk?”

MAJOR side-eye

Me – “Ummm, because he’s been your man for six years and you’ve mentioned him spending the night.”


Why? Oh Why?! It really annoys me when women use the “Why buy the cow…” line, especially when they know damn well that they are already giving away the proverbial “milk.” Why couldn’t she just say she won’t do it because she’s not ready or simply because she prefers to be married first?

That adage was used during a time when the majority of women were groomed and expected to remain virgins until they married, or when “shacking up” or simply being alone together were unheard of and would quickly turn into the town scandal. Today many women have taken control of and are not defined by their sexuality and with that, many are not waiting for marriage to have sex or to live together. The “Good Book” says no sex before marriage and if you want to stick to all the guidelines then in addition to you saving a combined roof until marriage, you should be keeping your hot to trot legs crossed in anticipation of your husband as well. However, we all know how rarely that’s happening these days.

My issue is not women who want to wait for marriage to live together, it is actually my personal preference also, my issue is the warped reason some of them give, one being they want their man to buy the cow first. If it’s your personal belief and preference to not live together before marriage then say that, but acting like you’re pious and pure and God will strike you dead for such a sin, when while living apart you’re screwing him, a man that is NOT your husband, two ways from Sunday while wearing a cowboy hat and a smile is just ignorant and immature. Cow? Milk? Girl please! After six years he has beat the cow to death and milked it bone dry.

In my opinion there is only one real reason some women run that line. Outside of trying to make good on that already sullied ticket into heaven, they use it as some kind of not so silent bargaining chip and ultimatum. They think that if they stand their ground and hold out on an issue with that notion as their logic, their man will miraculously realize how much he loves them and just say “Eff it. Jay put a ring on it, so will I.” Then all will be well because they now have true value and “the ring” to boot. The moving in, sleeping over, “acting like a wife”, etc can now commence. The cow has been bought. The problem is the cow and milk theory was a virtue to be upheld, not secret weapons brought out to basically force or manipulate someone into doing something they might not be ready for. Using that flawed logic will only get you to one of two places; tragically stuck in a crappy situation or alone.

In any case, I really wish women would stop using that phrase. Stand firm in your beliefs and what you feel you deserve, but do it because it is in your heart, not because of some antiquated notion. It doesn’t make you look innocent or like wife material…especially not to your friends (and your man), who already know that Bessie was a used and washed up sour cow long before the current man got to it. I’m not saying, but I’m just saying.

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