Why Sex & Long Term Relationships Don’t Mix


They just don’t go together. Never have and never will.

With my years of dating and relationship experience, I never knew sex and long-term relationships went together. Never. I’m not sure if I should even type them together in the same sentence.

The point of intimacy and monogamy is an issue many couples face. Intimacy and monogamy seem to be hot topics among infidelity – the irony. A study found for most men, the complaint was that they were not having sex often enough. Among women who were unhappy about the frequency of their sex lives, two-thirds said they weren’t having enough sex, but a third complained they were having more sex than they wanted.

There are many studies released frequently when it comes to sexual patterns and sexual relationships. Some of these studies factor in sexual orientation, length of relationships and even race. The underlining innuendos are always consistent. For anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship, you know sex is just not on top of the list anymore. If your boyfriend has never told you this, then I will assume the duty.

No matter the dynamics of the relationship when you involve two different people, you’re going to get two different sex drives. I haven’t been in a relationship yet where the sex drives were equal. I had to face the fact my partner might not want to drop the draws when I wanted and vice versa. I learned to respect that about someone I’m with over a certain period of time. Yes, a certain period of time. At the beginning of a relationship, I’m not sure how open I would be. There’s no get out-of-sex-free card.


Intimacy is a complicated entity when it comes to relationships. If you really want your relationship to work and to achieve a high level of intimacy outside of the physical in your relationship, you’ll need to know and understand each other much better than you did at the beginning.

A healthy long-term relationship is something to applaud. I can respect a quality long-term relationship. Compromising your relationship because of sex would be foolish. Figure out ways to stimulate your partner. Try some different approaches. Communicate your needs and don’t nag.

No matter if the relationship has been going on for years or even a few months, you have to ask yourself how important is sex in your relationship at that stage?  Are you willing to respect your partner’s body? When does sex become a deal breaker?