Dating Friends Ex Dating Friends Ex

The One Time It Might Be OK To Date An Ex’s Friend

Remember the scene in The Player’s Club where Diamond comes home to find her boyfriend in bed with her cousin and flips out? Yeah, devastating. Well, I watched the entire rest of the film, rape scene and all, and couldn’t get over how evil it was that her cousin and boyfriend betrayed her. And though Diamond came to a resolution with her cousin at the end, I could never have come to forgive her.

Having sex, or making out, or even heavily flirting with a friend/family member’s significant other has always been unforgivable to me. It’s a betrayal on multiple counts. A two-for-one special of disloyalty, deception and selfishness.

And in my experience, there are few times that this offense occurs where it’s not a subliminal attack on the victim, whether the angry lover pursues the friend out of spite (this has happened to me recently) or the friend seduces the lover out of envy (this has also happened to me recently).

But…sometimes when an event you dread occurring finally happens to you, you realize it’s not as bad as you anticipated. Stay with me.

In high school, I fell in love with a guy. Mentally, I’ve never been more stimulated by someone of the opposite sex. Charm, intelligence, wit, charisma, humor, depth, wisdom, hustler’s ambition, he had at all. I liked everything about him: the way he walked, how all his friends followed him, the passion he exuded about his art, the (rightful) arrogance he showed about his smarts (he was a genius at math, and made sure everyone knew it).

I especially liked the way that he liked me. I delighted in being the apple of his eye. There’s a spark and constant flow of creative energy I have that I think he enjoyed. And no one could match him in a debate like I could. He respected that. When he looked at me, his eyes would just sparkle and I’d feel special.

Maybe that was the problem.

Because there was nothing special about his affection. He was young, charming and attractive. And there were plenty of women at our school who noticed and were happy to entertain him, whether through a one-night stand or a “fuck buddy” arrangement or more.

We were friends first, which would be a great thing had it not given me a front row seat to all the women that casually came in and out of his life. As much as he seemed to like me, he loved easy women that much more. And relationship just didn’t seem to be in his vocabulary.

Feeling strongly for him and occasionally dating but not committing, was an ordeal. I was a wreck and constantly confiding in my girlfriends to make sense of my mixed feelings, especially The Friend, who was my closest confidant at the time.

When he opened up to The Friend about me, in the cafeteria or by the lockers, she’d report what he’d said later and I’d hang on to every word. And thank God she was there when I broke down after news hit the school rumor circuit that he had a girlfriend (which to no one’s surprise, only lasted two weeks).

He and I stayed friends, but eventually I moved on to a guy who wanted a serious relationship, and eventually, we all moved on to separate colleges. Life happened, and we fell out of touch.

Fast-forward to four years later. We’re at a mutual friend’s birthday party and though we haven’t seen each other in what seems like forever, our chemistry is still the same, like it’s been bottled up all these years.

We’re having small talk. He works at a law firm out of D.C. I ended up in PR, living in The Bronx. After five minutes of high school reunion talk about who got married, who got into the music business and became an overnight success and who came out of the closet, The Friend comes up.

“Do you still talk to The Friend?” he asks.

“Not really, no real reason,” I lie. “Well, actually, we had a falling out. But our lives went in different directions anyway.”

“Well, I used to talk to her,” he says.

He doesn’t mean what I think he does. “Talk about what?” I respond.

Talk to her. We dated for awhile.”

Suddenly, I had to concentrate on breathing. “When?”

“Like two years after we graduated…” He went on for awhile about their relationship, how they started going out, what they used to do together, but I barely heard a word. Erratically, I blurt out: “Did you have sex with her?”

“Yeah, I did.”

I grimaced. I had been trying to hide my emotions, but I couldn’t anymore. Wasn’t that, like, incestuous? I told myself to be calm. “Why’d you break up?”

“It’s a long story…but basically, she’s crazy. She was too attached to me and one night, we got into an argument after sex and she kicked me out of the house naked and threw all my clothes out of the window because I wouldn’t tell her I loved her,” he pauses. “Are you okay?”

By this point, the details of their relationship (nakedness? love?) were too much for me to handle and my face had completely betrayed me. I was floored.

“I didn’t realize you guys were that close,” is all he says. “I’m sorry.”

In the cab ride home, my emotions vacillate between anger and pain. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if technically I have a right to be upset (of course, theoretically, you can’t help how you feel and the fact that I cared about him, and her, would naturally make me feel hurt).

But he and I weren’t together.

It was years after we were involved that he slept with The Friend. And by then, she wasn’t even my friend anymore.

And as he emphatically brought up during our conversation, I never gave him the goods anyway.

Just because he dated me at one point, and we still were fond of each other, does that mean that everyone I was close with at the time is off limits to him? That doesn’t really make sense, what if my ex-high school BFF could be his soul mate?

Would the unspoken rule of “not dating an ex’s friend” prevent them from exploring a worthwhile romance? They’d be stupid to let what he and I had in high school get in the way of something special. Even if it hurt me in the process.

Which leads me to the question…when is it okay to date an ex’s friend?

Though society would have you believe dating an ex’s friend is a cardinal sin, there are exceptions to every rule. What circumstances would make it forgivable? Discuss.

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'Boomerang' Episode 7 Recap: Family Matters And Pride

Bryson and Simone are a thing, like for real for real. They can’t keep their hands (or tongues) off of one another. As the two of them get steamy in the jacuzzi, a sexually riled up Simone tells her new beau that she wants to treat his face like a bean bag. They are in it, y’all. There’s just one problem — they may be half-brother and sister (insert vomit emoji here). The excitement of finally landing the girl of his dreams is shut down when he reveals that his mother, Jacqueline, informed him that Marcus Graham may be his papa. (Wait. Does that mean Marcus cheated on Angela back in the day? Regardless, what a way to ruin a mood.)

As they wait for the DNA test results, Simone and Bryson still try to be business as usual, you know, chillin’ like they used to. Speaking of business, Bryson is all that. Ari may be his boy and all, but when it comes to directing Tia’s music video, Bryson wants an Italian dude to shoot it instead. He just doesn’t believe Ari can execute. All great directors have vision and through Bryson’s eyes, Ari has none. Simone can’t help but agree. It’s obvious that Tia and her bae are not at all pleased with the video production of her single. Bro gotsta go. Tia has never been one to hold back and in a fit of frustration, she does what Simone couldn’t verbalize; she fires Ari.

Like the “big bad boss” he is, Bryson harshly tells Ari that not only will he basically fail at being a producer, but people will notice that he doesn’t belong here. Hold up. Are we sure Bryson and Ari are friends? Tough love is understandable but to completely obliterate the dreams of someone you’ve been rocking with? That’s foul. Unlike Ari, Bryson knows that he was brought up with the keys and basically helped himself to whatever role he wanted in the industry, a luxury he can afford to extend. Why not help your friend out now even with a little guidance knowing his career aspirations?

Bryson may be able to but Simone is not willing to give up on Ari just yet. She lets Ari collaborate Bryson’s pick, Shayan, who is also seemingly having a hard time capturing dope shots. A conversation with Simone about perfecting his craft leaves Ari somewhat disappointed but open to the constructive criticism.

While enjoying the Atlanta Black Pride festivities, an old filing recognizes Ari and waves him down. In catching up, the discussion quickly takes a turn to sexual orientation labels with a judgemental tone and Ari is not having it. Sure, while he was with her, he liked women but sometimes he’d rather be with a man. “Bisexual,” “Gay,” call it whatever, he just likes who he likes, refuses to be put in a box, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What is not about to happen is him being judged by a woman with five kids and three baby favas. Yikes.

That frustration instantly births inspiration. Instead of dryly shooting Tia performing with Pride weekend just happening around her, Ari points out how the world needs to see all black people not caring about what anyone has to say about them, especially when the world includes women rocking $12 jewelry. Sashayers, milly-rockers, and twerkers galore, the video shines on the culture, highlighting Kings and Queens of all shades, ages, genders, and sexualities. It’s a good time. Even Bryson can give up his props and that lead director credit to Ari. You see, Bryson? You gotta have a little faith like David always has.

Speaking of our fave pastor, unlike many Baptist churches, it’s amazing to see that David embraces and participates in the Atlanta Black Pride weekend. With the help of Crystal, David is preaching a message of loving who you are and loving others. His sermon last week no doubt spoke to the soul but if you recall, Crystal did notice that a lovely lady attended the service moreso for David and less so for Jesus. That obviously triggered something. Crystal and David may not have been able to work out their marriage but the attraction is absolutely still there. Could it be one-sided though?

You didn’t think we forgot about Bryson and Simone, did you? It should be noted that for his entire life, all Bryson ever wanted was to be like Marcus Graham, but not like this. David is right: be careful what you pray for. No matter the outcome of the paternity test, Simone and Bryson will undoubtedly be in one another’s life (maybe less like Whitley and Dwayne and more like Denise and Theo).

Well, folks, the results are in (insert Maury voice). In the case of Bryson J. Broyer, Marcus, you are NOT the father! But, you may still have some ‘splaining to do. Now that they are officially not related, Simone can finally go ahead and have that seat. We know, sis has been tired all day. Ow!

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Yvette Nicole Brown and Gabourey Sidibe were some of the actresses who were vocal about the treatment of actors of color when faced with beauticians in Hollywood.
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Celebrities Use #ActingWhileBlack Hashtag To Point Out Pitfalls Of Hollywood's Beauty Scene

While being a working person of color in Hollywood is something to admire, those fortunate enough to be working in these spaces often have difficulties finding the right person to do their hair and makeup with the right amount of diligent care.

Model Olivia Anakwe took to Instagram earlier this month to detail the issues she faced before a runway show, when she was disrespected by haircare professionals who refused to work on her textured hair.

"Black hairstylists are required to know how to do everyone’s hair, why does the same not apply to others?” she wrote. “It does not matter if you don’t specialize in afro hair, as a continuous learner in your field you should be open to what you have yet to accomplish; take a class."

The hashtag #ActingWhileBlack began to spread on social media over the weekend, and people of color chimed in to share their stories.

Actress Yvette Nicole Brown shared that she often carries her own hair extensions and clothes for shoots, and that having stylists who are untrained in black beauty often runs the risk of them looking bad later on. Oscar-nominee Gabourey Sidibe shared a similar sentiment.

Insecure’s Natasha Rothwell hit the nail on the head in her tweet about the issue with not hiring the right people to work with ethnic hair.

“If you cast a POC— And thank you for doing so!—you also have to hire someone who knows how to do ethnic hair,” she wrote on Mar. 11. “Not someone who's "comfortable with it" but someone who actually knows how to style ethnic hair types.”

Check out some tweets from celebs on this issue below.

 

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This message is to spread awareness & hopefully reach anyone in the hair field to expand their range of skills. Black models are still asking for just one hairstylist on every team no matter where your team is from to care for afro hair. I was asked to get out of an empty chair followed by having hairstylists blatantly turning their backs to me when I would walk up to them, to get my hair done. If I am asked to wear my natural hair to a show, the team should prepare the style just as they practice the look and demo for non-afro hair. I arrived backstage where they planned to do cornrows, but not one person on the team knew how to do them without admitting so. After one lady attempted and pulled my edges relentlessly, I stood up to find a model who could possibly do it. After asking two models and then the lead/only nail stylist, she was then taken away from her job to do my hair. This is not okay. This will never be okay. This needs to change. No matter how small your team is, make sure you have one person that is competent at doing afro texture hair care OR just hire a black hairstylist! Black hairstylists are required to know how to do everyone’s hair, why does the same not apply to others? It does not matter if you don’t specialize in afro hair, as a continuous learner in your field you should be open to what you have yet to accomplish; take a class. I was ignored, I was forgotten, and I felt that. Unfortunately I’m not alone, black models with afro texture hair continuously face these similar unfair and disheartening circumstances. It’s 2019, it’s time to do better. || #NaturalHair #ModelsofColor #BlackHairCare #HairCare #Message #Hair #Hairstyling #Backstage #BTS #AfroTexturedHair #Afro #POC #Braids #Message #Spreadtheword #Speak #Awareness #Growth #WorkingTogether #BlackGirlMagic #Melanin

A post shared by Olivia Anakwe (@olivia_anakwe) on Mar 7, 2019 at 9:07am PST

#ActingWhileBlack Makeup & Hair in one bag. The other bags are filled with clothes because some wardrobe stylists don’t know that cute clothes exist in sizes larger than size 10. “Here try on this mumu, I know it’s a little big, we’ll just belt it!” #ActingWhileBlackAndChubby https://t.co/gl3b64Omtj

— yvette nicole brown (@YNB) March 11, 2019

Most black actresses come to a new set w/ their hair done (me) or bring their wigs & clip-ins w/them. It’s either that or take a chance that you will look crazy on screen. Many of us also bring our own foundation. One too many times seeing no shade that matches you will learn ya! https://t.co/mGAzpuoKtb

— yvette nicole brown (@YNB) March 11, 2019

Most black actresses come to a new set w/ their hair done (me) or bring their wigs & clip-ins w/them. It’s either that or take a chance that you will look crazy on screen. Many of us also bring our own foundation. One too many times seeing no shade that matches you will learn ya! https://t.co/mGAzpuoKtb

— yvette nicole brown (@YNB) March 11, 2019

If they don’t have the budget to hire a black hairstylist for me, or won’t, I just get the director to agree that my character should have box braids or senegalese twist.

— Gabby Sidibe (@GabbySidibe) March 11, 2019

PSA: If you cast a POC— And thank you for doing so!—you also have to hire someone who knows how to do ethnic hair. Not someone who's "comfortable with it" but someone who actually knows how to style ethnic hair types.

Congratulations on advancing to the next level of inclusion! https://t.co/A1Q9ZpvXmH

— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) March 11, 2019

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Kim Kardashian is seen on February 7, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Gotham/GC Images)

Kim Kardashian Credited For Making Crimped Hair Cool Like Beyonce, Janet Jackson And Naomi Campbell Don't Exist

Spring is nothing without doses of cultural appropriation from those out of touch with black culture.

Insert Vogue, who decided to give props to Kim Kardashian for bringing back crimped hair on Friday (March 15). The businesswoman has been on the move lately, rocking a mix of kanekalon and yaki ponytails during fashion month, Chance The Rapper's wedding and other Kardashian-related events.

“What makes this look so modern is that the front is sleek,” explained her stylist Justine Marjan. “This gives a cool contrast to the texture.”

The texture? 

With many trends from the aughts coming back to the mainstream, this is one that hasn't really gone anywhere. But black beauty markers (layered gold chains, perfect baby hairs, name chains) paired with media ignorance and the Kardashian's own fascination with black culture has made it okay for her to receive all the props.

But we can't forget those who have slayed kanekalon, yaki and crimped styles like...

Janet Jackson

The singer's look for her comeback has been a uniform-like one, with Ms. Jackson rocking all black and her now signature ponytail.

Beyoncé

This. was. last. year. How could anyone forget this? The entertainer rocked various styles of kanekalon hair for Beychella.

There was also this amazing look at Serena Williams' wedding.

 

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A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Nov 19, 2017 at 9:01am PST

Ruth E. Carter

The Oscar-winning designer made the look all her own while on the red carpet for Black Panther. 

Nicki Minaj

Fans of the rapper are aware her early looks included fun crimped and wavy styles. When she made to move to ditch her color wigs in 2014, she's kept the crimped styles close to her heart.

And we cannot forget about our queen, Naomi Campbell

She's owned the look her whole career, from the runway to the red carpet, Ms. Campbell has always been on the forefront of casual beautiful looks.

Social media also got wind of Vogue's post, including actor O'Shea Jackson who like many of us, is just over it.

Maaaaaaan come on now. Come ooooon now. Bringing it back? Vogue stop this https://t.co/FEGSw3GM9V

— Stone Cold Shea Jackson (@OsheaJacksonJr) March 15, 2019

https://twitter.com/SassySouthpaw20/status/1106642402448732160

https://twitter.com/riridotxo/status/1106924628851728384

Perhaps there's a bit of truth of the theories of fashion outlets trolling readers but this just deserves a permanent eye roll.

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