Personal Notes: Sex + The Power of Possession
“Men are territorial and women are possessive.”
(Note: There are a lot of attributes that make males men and females women, but define it in your own way for the purpose of this post).
Now, it’s usually normal for me to brush off a statement like that, but I took the time to really dissect how intrinsic these traits are for each gender role. Men have this innate yearning to protect and provide for the most important women in their lives, especially their Bonnie. That’s no secret. So when another male approaches their lady, it’s second nature for them to get that “hold up, playboy” look and stance. Ever notice how a guy will step directly between the issue and his girl? While women are a tad bit more “mine” about their actions and words. When a women cares, she cares. Likewise, when she’s fed up, she’s fed up. The keyword for a woman is control. She usually has no qualms about her man going out with the guys or shooting some hoops with the homies, but when it comes to other females sniffing out her man, like a lioness and her cubs, the primal tendencies appear. Because Jealousy and Control live in the same house, you can usually find women needing loads of attention any way they can get it, even when they say they don’t. And when that attention waives, for any reason, problems ensue. And in that same house, when men don’t feel needed in that protective way (See: Independent-And-I’m-Going-To-Do-What-I-Want Syndrome for Women), they react by finding someone else to be territorial for.
As Drake said, “Women need attention; therefore, women will complain. Develop hatred for men,” and I’m pretty sure that’s what my friend was getting at. Truthfully, I think that’s one of the smartest things he’s said because once these instinctive facets of men and women are learned and understood, maybe Mars and Venus won’t be at each others’ throats any longer.
But as I do with most of the opinions I get, I take it a step further. Delve deeper into the thought process and play devil’s advocate. If men are territorial and women are possessive than why is sex so trivial and meaningless for most men and women? How can you have a Just Sex partner? Now, calm down. I know you’re reading this saying, “Not me! I don’t just sleep with anyone,” but follow me.
When engaging in a sexual act, you are in your most vulnerable state. Completely open to take everything that someone has to give you– their good and their bad. Take that how you want, but it’s true. Have you ever witnessed an orgasmic face? That moment of pure euphoria where reality is drowned out, and your senses are heightened to the highest level? That moment where sometimes your face is at its ugliest? That’s vulnerability if I’ve ever seen it, so why share those moments with people you’d care to never see again or can’t face in the morning?
Think, first, about who you want to be possessive or territorial about. As crazy and extreme as those qualities can be at times, relationships can get messy, so why not be those ways with someone that you could have an accident with. I mean, come on, fellas, that dreaded text message detailing the tardiness of mother nature and your newfound position as a father should, at the very least, come from a person you can deal with in an 18-year time span. And ladies, stop acting like sex is your weapon. Because when you’re throwing it like rice at a wedding, the only wounded person is you.
Taken from a page in my life’s book, I know how possessive a woman can be and how territorial a guy can get. I’ve seen both sides of that spectrum and have such a better understanding of how important not having sex is. Am I claiming celibacy? Not anymore. Am I super selective about who I lay with? Most definitely. More now than ever. Through growing up, I now know that I’m not down for a Just Sex Situation.
I can’t play my weakness, most vulnerable cards up front. Ha! What kind of girl do you think I am?