Man and Woman Sex

Personal Notes: Sex + The Power of Possession

“Men are territorial and women are possessive.”

(Note: There are a lot of attributes that make males men and females women, but define it in your own way for the purpose of this post).

Now, it’s usually normal for me to brush off a statement like that, but I took the time to really dissect how intrinsic these traits are for each gender role. Men have this innate yearning to protect and provide for the most important women in their lives, especially their Bonnie. That’s no secret. So when another male approaches their lady, it’s second nature for them to get that “hold up, playboy” look and stance. Ever notice how a guy will step directly between the issue and his girl? While women are a tad bit more “mine” about their actions and words. When a women cares, she cares. Likewise, when she’s fed up, she’s fed up. The keyword for a woman is control. She usually has no qualms about her man going out with the guys or shooting some hoops with the homies, but when it comes to other females sniffing out her man, like a lioness and her cubs, the primal tendencies appear. Because Jealousy and Control live in the same house, you can usually find women needing loads of attention any way they can get it, even when they say they don’t. And when that attention waives, for any reason, problems ensue. And in that same house, when men don’t feel needed in that protective way (See: Independent-And-I’m-Going-To-Do-What-I-Want Syndrome for Women), they react by finding someone else to be territorial for.

As Drake said, “Women need attention; therefore, women will complain. Develop hatred for men,” and I’m pretty sure that’s what my friend was getting at. Truthfully, I think that’s one of the smartest things he’s said because once these instinctive facets of men and women are learned and understood, maybe Mars and Venus won’t be at each others’ throats any longer.

But as I do with most of the opinions I get, I take it a step further. Delve deeper into the thought process and play devil’s advocate. If men are territorial and women are possessive than why is sex so trivial and meaningless for most men and women? How can you have a Just Sex partner? Now, calm down. I know you’re reading this saying, “Not me! I don’t just sleep with anyone,” but follow me.

When engaging in a sexual act, you are in your most vulnerable state. Completely open to take everything that someone has to give you– their good and their bad. Take that how you want, but it’s true. Have you ever witnessed an orgasmic face? That moment of pure euphoria where reality is drowned out, and your senses are heightened to the highest level? That moment where sometimes your face is at its ugliest? That’s vulnerability if I’ve ever seen it, so why share those moments with people you’d care to never see again or can’t face in the morning?

Think, first, about who you want to be possessive or territorial about. As crazy and extreme as those qualities can be at times, relationships can get messy, so why not be those ways with someone that you could have an accident with. I mean, come on, fellas, that dreaded text message detailing the tardiness of mother nature and your newfound position as a father should, at the very least, come from a person you can deal with in an 18-year time span. And ladies, stop acting like sex is your weapon. Because when you’re throwing it like rice at a wedding, the only wounded person is you.

Taken from a page in my life’s book, I know how possessive a woman can be and how territorial a guy can get. I’ve seen both sides of that spectrum and have such a better understanding of how important not having sex is. Am I claiming celibacy? Not anymore. Am I super selective about who I lay with? Most definitely. More now than ever. Through growing up, I now know that I’m not down for a Just Sex Situation.

I can’t play my weakness, most vulnerable cards up front. Ha! What kind of girl do you think I am?

From the Web

More on Vibe

SZA Calls For Peace While Receiving 'Rule Breaker' Award At Billboard Women In Music

SZA called for peace and understanding at Billboard's Women In Music event Thursday (Dec. 6).

During her speech for the Rule Breaker award, singer-songwriter recalled today's climate, asking her peers and those watching at home for a little bit of peace.

"I'm sorry for the state of the world honestly, for everybody in this room and I pray that all of us just get through it a little bit easier and just try not to lash out at each other," she said.

The recurring theme of unity among women was also heard on the carpet from artists like Tierra Whack. In addition to her message of love, the "Broken Clocks" singer also thanked her TDE family for rocking with her creative process.

"I'm just so thankful for everybody having patience with me, " she said. Shouting out the key members of her family in attendance, the TDE affiliate gave praise to her mother, father, and grandma. In this brief speech centered around the artist's growth Solána Imani Rowe, known more commonly as her stage name, Rowe everyone for their trust in her.

"I'm grateful for everybody taking the time to have the patience to watch someone grow, it is painful and sometimes exciting but mostly boring. And I am thankful for Top (Top Dawg Entertainment's Anthony Tiffith) for not dropping me from that label. For Peter, who I change my ideas every day and he be like okay I like this," she continued.

Thanking the likes of musical powerhouses like Alicia Keys and Whack, "The Weekend" singer offered her appreciation and condolences to Ariana Grande.

Watch SZA accept the Rule Breaker award above.

READ MORE: Anderson .Paak, Tierra Whack And More Praise Female Artists At 2018 Billboard Women In Music

Continue Reading

Beyoncé, Rihanna, And J. Lo Make Forbes’ Highest-Paid Women In Music List

As November comes to a close, many publications will be crafting their year-end lists for all things pop culture. Forbes released a ranking of the world's highest-paid women in music on Monday (Nov. 19), with Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, and Rihanna holding it down for women of color.

Beyoncé comes in at No. 3 on the list with an earning of $60 million as she made most of her money through her historical Coachella performance, the joint album with husband JAY-Z, Everything is Love, and the Carters' On The Run II Tour in support of its release.

Jennifer Lopez made No. 6 for earnings tallying of over $47 million thanks to her lucrative Las Vegas residency, endorsements, and shows including World of Dance where she serves as a judge.

Rihanna follows behind the "Love Don't Cost A Thing" diva at No. 7 with earnings of over $37.5 million. Although she hasn't toured since 2016—thanks to her cosmetics and lingerie lines, Fenty Beauty and Savage Lingerie—the Bajan pop star has been keeping herself busy.

Forbes' annual list (which factors in pretax earnings from June 1, 2017, through June 1, 2018) has placed Katy Perry at the top with over $83 million in profits due to her gig as an American Idol judge and her 80-date Witness: The Tour that brought in an estimated $1 million per night.

Scroll down to see Forbes' full list below.

Katy Perry ($83 million) Taylor Swift ($80 million) Beyoncé ($60 million) P!nk ($52 million) Lady Gaga ($50 million) Jennifer Lopez ($47 million) Rihanna ($37.5 million) Helene Fischer ($32 million) Celine Dion ($31 million) Britney Spears ($30 million)

 

READ MORE: Nas Makes Forbes’ List Of ‘Hip-Hop Cash Kings’ For The First Time

Continue Reading

Kelly Rowland Hops In Her Bag With New Single "Kelly"

Kelly Rowland has it all and isn't afraid to brag about it on her new single, "Kelly."

Released Thursday (Nov. 22), the singer goes the clubby, confident route while rightfully dropping her attributes like her relationship with God, smoldering looks (a.k.a the drip) among other things. With "Kelly" being the first single since her 2013's Talk a Good Game, the singer comes out swinging, reminding everyone of her power in the game.

The mother of one has promised that her new tunes will be edgier and most honest than her past work that included vulnerable tracks like "Dirty Laundry" and massive hits like "Motivation" and "Commander." Speaking with Vogue over the summer, Ms. Kelly disclosed a few details behind the album.

“It’s about love, loss, and gain and whether it’s professional or with family or whatever, it’s just honest," she said. "I had no choice but to be honest and authentic with this record: it’s about friendship and marriage.”

She also explained a drop in confidence caused her hiatus. “I was thinking about pulling back from recording, but I couldn’t help myself: I still wanted to record. I still felt like I was missing something. The third year just came and left so fast. The fourth year I said: ‘I have to get to work’ and now I’m ready to release some music! I felt like I wasted so much time, and it was my husband who actually called me out on it. He said: ‘Babe, as great as those records were, I think you were nervous, you got gun-shy’, and when he said that it was like boom, a gong went off.”

Glad to have you back, Ms. Kelly. Listen to the eponymous record up top.

READ MORE: Kelly Rowland Debuts Smoke x Mirrors Eyewear Collection At Barneys New York

Continue Reading

Top Stories