We Don’t Believe You Shaq: Men Can’t Cheat or Lie Respectfully
How many times have you wanted your man to just tell the truth when you know he’s lying. Lying is so fundamental to most men’s personalities that it has become a virtue. Begrudgingly, we’ll follow “good” liars into situations that we know don’t feel right, but he knows that we most of the time we’re addicted to some of the perks that come from being with him, making his lies seem like his way of showing me he’s protecting from something I’m not ready to face.
Recently, former Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal leaked excerpts from his “highly-anticipated” memoir, “Shaq Uncut: My Story,” and judging from the snippets, Shaq wants people to get to know the man, not the myth.
After talking about his then feud with Kobe, the seven-footer goes on about his on-and-off love affair on with his now ex-wife Shaunie Nelson. Shaq admits that his infidelity problems led to a rift between him and Shaunie, who has three children by the future hall-of-famer:
"At one time my ex-wife Shaunie and I were happy, but I admit it--I was a guy. I was a guy with too many options. Choosing to be with some of those women, well, that's on me. In my mind, I never did it disrespectfully, but obviously I shouldn't have done it all."
Really!?! You didn’t do it disrespectfully? How does one cheat respectably? Does that mean he places a tracking device in my phone so he can steer clear of me while he’s with his side-piece? Or, maybe, he doesn’t stalk a chick until she needs an order of protection to keep him away from her apartment?
But we can’t make Shaq the face for sorry-ass-excuses-men-tell-to-rationalize-lying-to-everyone-including-themselves because, keep it way real, he’s part of a larger isolated mass of men, lumbering through the American streets looking for something -- anything -- that can make him feel alive.
Seriously, how do we explain a man who looks for love outside himself or his family, creating a whole different life with another partner based solely on his illusions of who he “really” is, not any truth. These illusions eventually hurt everyone involved mainly because he has told his main lady half-truths and his side-piece full-blown truths. But hey, he’ll need someone to vouch for his character after the main lady finally gets sick of his lies and leaves. What part of the game is this?
The most depressing aspect of men’s lying or cheating ways is the fact that they have a built-in excuse for their lack of integrity: I’m a man. Case in point, Look at what Shaq said about what he learned from being a cheater:
"You know as well as I do relationships are about maintaining... It wasn't the big stuff, it was the small stuff, and that's my fault. I had things to do. I was trying to win, trying to make some money. I admit I wasn't the best partner. I just didn't know how. I'm learning now."
He totally excuses himself right after he admits fault by saying, “I had things to do.” The things you had to do were the little things you say you missed. It’s sad that now that he is retired he feels like he has the time take care of the little, but not with Shaunie -- but Hoops from Flava of Love!? I’m not hating on Hoops, (girl, get where you can) but if Shaq was really all broken up about his divorce, don’t you think he could try to patch up his relationship with the mother of kids, romantically.
This situation screams secrecy and more lies! Maybe that’s why Shaq’s lawyer sent VH1, preventing his ex-wife from discussing their relationship on "Basketball Wives." Why do that Shaq?
All I’m saying is that we give men way too much credit when they admit fault and too little attention to their pathologies. Little boys grow up learning how to be men from men who live without integrity, creating adolescents and young adults who can’t see women as equals, deserving of respect. What kind of example is that?
The time is over for grown men who refuse to grow up and take responsibility for their actions beyond what they say. It’s time for men to stop lying to themselves -- you know Shaq, the small things -- and step up handle their life not like a business but like an organic human being.