Five’s a Crowd: How to Keep it Cool with the Outer Circle
Have you ever noticed how well La La gets along with Po and Dice on La La’s Full Court, or when Kelly and Serena come to hang out they never have any problems? Now compare that with the drink-tossing, fist-throwing drama on Real Housewives, Love and Hip-Hop, and Basketball Wives — see the difference?
Part of the reason for the change is the fact that La La actually knows the girls she’s hanging with and isn’t forced to meet up with random women for the sake of good TV. What we see on these shows is exactly what tends to happen when there’s a “new girl” in the group or you’re hanging out with women who aren’t your closest BFFs.
We all know about Evelyn Lozada’s infamous “circle,” but do you know how to get along with the outer circle—you know the new associates and friends of friends—without being a mean girl? Here are a few tips.
I’m the worst at this because I like to segment my friends and hang out in small groups. Whenever I know someone else is tagging along, I get a little iffy about how that may change the dynamic, but in my experience that’s been an unnecessary worry the majority of the time. If you go into a situation expecting not to like someone, you’ll be sure to find a reason not to and you could miss out on a cool friend or even a professional contact by being too standoffish. At least give the relationship a friendly try in the beginning.
Keep a tight lip
On the other hand, you don’t know these women so there’s no need to tell them everything about you. Remember, when you meet someone new, you’re being sized up just as much they’re making a first impression on you. It’s best to keep a lid on the deep dark secrets only your closest girls need to know (Kimbella), and definitely limit the gossip—it’s not a good look.
Meet in a neutral place
The time to hang out with women you don’t know too well is not when you’re stranded on an island for a week with no exit strategy. A huge, all-girls vacay sounds super fun in theory, but too many women can turn what was supposed to be a relaxing getaway into a drama-filled weekend where no one is speaking to each other at the end. You wouldn’t go out of town with a new guy too soon so you should follow that same rule when it comes to the outer circle. (See Basketball Wives Miami’s trip to Italy as Exhibit A or Basketball Wives LA’s Hawaii trip as Exhibit B if you need more help understanding this one.)
Limit the alcohol
Drinking can either loosen your nerves and help you be more of yourself, or turn you into a completely different person. You really don’t want either one to happen with people you don’t know too well. The first option doesn’t sound so bad, but for the same reason you need to keep a tight lip, you need to have a cocktail limit if you have a tendency to develop diarrhea of the mouth when you have one too many. As for turning into a completely different person—nobody likes an angry drunk or an emotional one. You don’t want to be that girl when you’re out with people who will have no problem never speaking to you again. And as someone who has been stuck babysitting women who’ve had too much to drink while their real friends were off partying more times than I care to recall, you also don’t want to be the girl who can’t hold her liquor. Plus, the less drinks there are, the less chance one ends up getting thrown.
Do you have a big group of friends or do you keep a tight circle? How well do you get along when you’re hanging out with extended friends or new girls?