Why He Is Waiting To Marry You
Remember the age old nursery rhyme "sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G?" Well amongst our generation something different is happening; kissing has turned into sex, the baby is delivered before marriage, and love is on VH1 begging to make it official.
With the recent engagements of Love & Hip Hop's Chrissy Lampkin and LeBron James long-time girlfriend Savannah Brinson, it's no question that love is in the air, both on and off-air. Before they got a ring on it, the Love & Hip Hop star and the Basketball "Wife" both took to public forums to express feelings of discontent while waiting for their men to be ready. Fans of Love & Hip Hop witnessed Chrissy Lampkin discuss marriage with rapper Jim Jones, even proposing to him, while Savannah took to twitter with emotional retweets.
After eight years, these women finally got their ring, but the question of why it took so long and how men can live with, provide for and have kids with a woman that he is hesitant to marry remains. Below are the four reasons why he says he won't marry you and what they mean:
1. "The time isn't right." - What he is telling you is that "I love you, I want to be with you, but I still have some things to work out." While women envision the wedding, the house and the children, men envision how to provide for the wedding, the house and the children. Some men are traditional and choose to achieve success with their partner, while others may want to have the house, cars and finances in order before bringing you on board.
2. "Are we sure this is what he want to do? Look at all the others." -- As the divorce rises it's only natural for him to question the institute of marriage, especially one in the spotlight. If you're friends, families and immediate circles all have a history of failed marriages, then he may question why yours would be different. Marriage is a major step and lifetime decision, it's only fitting that you allow him to take as much time as he needs. Continue to be a good girlfriend so he can be comfortable with making you a good wife.
3. "We are basically married." -- There is a reason why old school people warned you about shacking up. If you live together, have kids together and your current relationship is intact, then it leaves no incentive for men to shake up their happy home. He probably isn't afraid of marriage, he may just not want to deal with the wedding and financial stress that marriage brings.
4. "Marriage isn't for me." -- With a society filled with successful life partners and open relationships, many are comfortable with never mixing the business of marriage with the pleasure of a committed relationship. If he promises to love you and provide for you, but doesn't deem it necessary to do so in front of a court, then ask yourself "is love enough?" If the answer is "yes," then live happily ever after. If "no," you're wasting your time.
Wild Card -- What he may not be telling you is that YOU are the reason. You may think that you've found your soulmate and he simply may not feel the same. Something in your past or something about your future may be holding him back.
After proposing and playing the "sidekick," how did Chrissy and Savannah get their ring? Chrissy gave an ultimatum of leaving for good, which finally caught Jim Jones attention. On the other end, Savannah told Harper's Bazaar in 2010, "I’ve definitely not put a fire under his ass, I would never rush him to do something like that. We’re really comfortable with the way things are now. And it’s not up to me. When it happens, it happens... We talk about it. If we do it, I want it to be forever."
While the answer is different for some and influenced by circumstances, it makes you wonder if Grandma was right - why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Nobody turns down a free sample.