Ladies, Stop Asking “What Am I Doing Wrong?”
As I pen this piece within ten minutes of the midnight hour, I can’t help but to think that I’m going on my 20th year without a Valentine. Normally, this little fact would classify me as a social virgin, but then again, what is “normal” anyway?
Apart from those times in elementary school when the entire class received a valentine or two, when it came to the holiday of love, I was always giving without getting anything back. (All of you guys know who you are.) I know what you’re thinking. “You’re young; you have plenty of time.” “Having a valentine isn’t important.” “Use this time alone to find yourself.” But, neither of those statements stops me from desiring affection from the opposite sex. I’m a Cancer for goodness sakes!
All jokes aside, while Valentine’s Day is just one day out the year, for the other 364 days of my single, adolescent life, every time I witness the affection between couples in my dorm or walking down the street hand-in-hand, these five words immediately enter my mind:
What am I doing wrong?
In my rationale way of thinking, if I have the beauty, brains and personality, I should be with somebody, right? Sure. However, that doesn’t mean whoever he is will be in my life right away. To avoid the possibility of heartbreak and drama within relationships, it would behoove me to wait until the time is right. Sadly, logical thinking doesn’t always keep you warm at night.
Eventually, I discovered I wasn’t the only one who felt this way after spotting a status a friend of mine posted on Facebook this past Friday saying: “I realized I've never actually had a real Valentine for Valentine’s Day. Where I have I gone wrong [in] the past 18 years?!”
Seeing her status and realizing she’s 18 years old feeling the same way I do snapped me back to reality. Relationship or no relationship, we as women need to stop asking ourselves what we’re doing wrong. When we do, it’s like we’re having a pity party with our brains and our hearts, instead of coming to terms with what’s in front of us. We rely on movies such as He’s Just Not That into You, self-help books and the advice of others to help define our relationships when, sometimes, shit just happens.
Now don’t get me wrong, each breakup is different, but for my single Vixens out there, asking ourselves what we’re doing wrong only hinders our growth as an individual. It allows us to continue to break down our confidence instead of building it up. The idea of being single embodies a meaning on its own, but we have the power to control the way we view our relationship status. So instead of thinking, “What am I doing wrong,” try thinking “What am I doing right.” And as tough as it may be, wait. You never know what might happen the next time a lovey-dovey couple walks past you, that special someone could be right behind them.
And while I don’t have a Valentine today, and am unsure of when I will, I know I’d rather build up confidence within myself than tear it down with self-dissatisfaction. When the time comes, these 20 years are going to be worth it. So spend Valentine’s Day with those who appreciate you. I know I am. Happy Day of Love!