Cleaning Out The Closet: An Open Letter to R. Kelly
VIBE Music Editor John Kennedy campaigns for a close to the “Closet” saga
Don’t R. Kelly’s 32 upcoming chapters of “Trapped in the Closet” make you claustrophobic? Or maybe claustrophobic isn’t the right word. How about manic? Deranged? Yeah, that’s it. Don’t get it twisted; the first five “Trapped” episodes are accidental comedic genius. I was hooked like Tyrone Biggums, chapped lips and all. Then things get silly. And after 22 installments of midgets, pistol waving, leftover chicken wings and a pimp with a speech impediment, the thought of prolonging Kellz’s incessant soap-in-song makes me feel itchy—and not for another hit. Look, Robert: You scared the shit out of us with that emergency throat surgery last summer (congrats on the quick recovery, bro!). And Love Letter’s retro vibe felt right. Mature and melodic; Marvin Gaye and Chardonnay. But for the sake of progressing your legacy, please lock away that hypnotic instrumental and twisted plot in the deepest corners of the closet, right beside your Pied Piper mask and that VHS tape. —John Kennedy
Are you stoked for R. Kelly’s “Trapped In The Closet” sequels?