Woman Butt Woman Butt

The Butt Test: Do I Even Wanna Pass?

New York is a very special kinda place, and unique in the sense that so much travel occurs by foot. Having recently moved to the city myself, I’m still adjusting to constantly being outside, exposed to the elements. Nah, I’m not talking about earth, wind, and fire. Rather, these bothersome men on every block, ready and waiting to serenade any innocently bypassing female with their unwarranted “Hey Ma”s, “Hi Sexy”s and “God Bless You, Gorgeous”s. A quick but kind smile and thank you are usually my best defense, but nevertheless, when I walk past, I’m put to the test.

You know the test. The “yea, she’s kinda cute and all, but what the ass lookin like?” test. Don’t front like you don’t know what I’m talking about, either. Now of course, these specific words are never uttered, but as a woman, you can just feel the intense and anxious glares piercing through your defenseless skin every time you walk past a group of men. Nope, it never fails. Shaking. My. Damn. Head. Why me? Ladies, why us?

Granted, at least three days out of the week, I’m pretty much guaranteed to pass the test. My Zara leggings, for example, will have the cakes sitting up just right. But what about those days when my backside is humble and, well, more soft spoken? Should I feel bad that nature (and perhaps the wrong pair of boy shorts – it’s laundry day) has kept me from meeting some standard that I didn’t even know I wanted to achieve? Does my averagely sized behind negate all my other more notable physical and mental characteristics? God forbid they take notice of my glowing complexion, perfectly arched brows, or the six dimples in my insincere and uncomfortable smile. They’d never ask what I was reading as I walked by, which artists were blasting through my headphones to tune them out, or where I was rushing to in the first place. Nope, none of that even matters. All they wanna know is if I’m gonna walk past with a honeyglazed ham or a plate of cold flapjacks without the syrup. Fml.

What’s the big deal about big butts on a stranger, anyway? I mean, don’t get me wrong, in the grand scheme of things I can certainly appreciate the idea of voluptuous curves to fill out the silhouettes of my favorite garments. You know, something for me to take pride in, that sways when I walk and bounces when I dance. Something for my boo to enjoy. But as far as me walking past a grown man that I’ve never seen before and never plan to see again – what difference does it make? Do they win some kind of prize when they say hello to the seemingly frail, narrow hipped girl who walks by and ends up being stacked like a video vixen? Or does the game end and bets fly out the window when you see a chick like me who has rather deceiving hips and thighs that scream “Hey y’all!”, but just a regular butt that whispers “Oh, hi.”? All I know is that I wanna opt out. I don’t wanna play this game anymore.

I don’t know, I guess the test is just one of those inevitable traditions that comes along with city-living. It’s unfortunate, but it seems as though men feel entitled to scrutinizing our every inch the exact moment our toes hit the pavement of this so-called concrete jungle. Nobody has time for that kind of attention first thing in the morning while rushing to class, on a hurried coffee break from internship, or at the end of a ten-hour work day. But what’s a gal to do? At this point, I’m almost scared to see what these lunges and squats at the gym will get me. If, by some fluke of gravity I were to sprout a little Erykah Badu action in the back, I’d be forced to wear a trench coat all summer! I don’t want them to take notice of it. What’s a gal to do…

Tomorrow, I think I’ll hit one of those cat-callers with a dose of his own medicine. “Hey Sexy!” “Hi. How tall are you?!” “Umm, 5’11?” “Tuh! Such a shame. Shoulda said 6’4″ or better. God Bless You…” Ha! That’ll teach ‘em. Suckas. -

From the Web

More on Vibe

SZA Calls For Peace While Receiving 'Rule Breaker' Award At Billboard Women In Music

SZA called for peace and understanding at Billboard's Women In Music event Thursday (Dec. 6).

During her speech for the Rule Breaker award, singer-songwriter recalled today's climate, asking her peers and those watching at home for a little bit of peace.

"I'm sorry for the state of the world honestly, for everybody in this room and I pray that all of us just get through it a little bit easier and just try not to lash out at each other," she said.

The recurring theme of unity among women was also heard on the carpet from artists like Tierra Whack. In addition to her message of love, the "Broken Clocks" singer also thanked her TDE family for rocking with her creative process.

"I'm just so thankful for everybody having patience with me, " she said. Shouting out the key members of her family in attendance, the TDE affiliate gave praise to her mother, father, and grandma. In this brief speech centered around the artist's growth Solána Imani Rowe, known more commonly as her stage name, Rowe everyone for their trust in her.

"I'm grateful for everybody taking the time to have the patience to watch someone grow, it is painful and sometimes exciting but mostly boring. And I am thankful for Top (Top Dawg Entertainment's Anthony Tiffith) for not dropping me from that label. For Peter, who I change my ideas every day and he be like okay I like this," she continued.

Thanking the likes of musical powerhouses like Alicia Keys and Whack, "The Weekend" singer offered her appreciation and condolences to Ariana Grande.

Watch SZA accept the Rule Breaker award above.

READ MORE: Anderson .Paak, Tierra Whack And More Praise Female Artists At 2018 Billboard Women In Music

Continue Reading

Beyoncé, Rihanna, And J. Lo Make Forbes’ Highest-Paid Women In Music List

As November comes to a close, many publications will be crafting their year-end lists for all things pop culture. Forbes released a ranking of the world's highest-paid women in music on Monday (Nov. 19), with Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, and Rihanna holding it down for women of color.

Beyoncé comes in at No. 3 on the list with an earning of $60 million as she made most of her money through her historical Coachella performance, the joint album with husband JAY-Z, Everything is Love, and the Carters' On The Run II Tour in support of its release.

Jennifer Lopez made No. 6 for earnings tallying of over $47 million thanks to her lucrative Las Vegas residency, endorsements, and shows including World of Dance where she serves as a judge.

Rihanna follows behind the "Love Don't Cost A Thing" diva at No. 7 with earnings of over $37.5 million. Although she hasn't toured since 2016—thanks to her cosmetics and lingerie lines, Fenty Beauty and Savage Lingerie—the Bajan pop star has been keeping herself busy.

Forbes' annual list (which factors in pretax earnings from June 1, 2017, through June 1, 2018) has placed Katy Perry at the top with over $83 million in profits due to her gig as an American Idol judge and her 80-date Witness: The Tour that brought in an estimated $1 million per night.

Scroll down to see Forbes' full list below.

Katy Perry ($83 million) Taylor Swift ($80 million) Beyoncé ($60 million) P!nk ($52 million) Lady Gaga ($50 million) Jennifer Lopez ($47 million) Rihanna ($37.5 million) Helene Fischer ($32 million) Celine Dion ($31 million) Britney Spears ($30 million)

 

READ MORE: Nas Makes Forbes’ List Of ‘Hip-Hop Cash Kings’ For The First Time

Continue Reading

Kelly Rowland Hops In Her Bag With New Single "Kelly"

Kelly Rowland has it all and isn't afraid to brag about it on her new single, "Kelly."

Released Thursday (Nov. 22), the singer goes the clubby, confident route while rightfully dropping her attributes like her relationship with God, smoldering looks (a.k.a the drip) among other things. With "Kelly" being the first single since her 2013's Talk a Good Game, the singer comes out swinging, reminding everyone of her power in the game.

The mother of one has promised that her new tunes will be edgier and most honest than her past work that included vulnerable tracks like "Dirty Laundry" and massive hits like "Motivation" and "Commander." Speaking with Vogue over the summer, Ms. Kelly disclosed a few details behind the album.

“It’s about love, loss, and gain and whether it’s professional or with family or whatever, it’s just honest," she said. "I had no choice but to be honest and authentic with this record: it’s about friendship and marriage.”

She also explained a drop in confidence caused her hiatus. “I was thinking about pulling back from recording, but I couldn’t help myself: I still wanted to record. I still felt like I was missing something. The third year just came and left so fast. The fourth year I said: ‘I have to get to work’ and now I’m ready to release some music! I felt like I wasted so much time, and it was my husband who actually called me out on it. He said: ‘Babe, as great as those records were, I think you were nervous, you got gun-shy’, and when he said that it was like boom, a gong went off.”

Glad to have you back, Ms. Kelly. Listen to the eponymous record up top.

READ MORE: Kelly Rowland Debuts Smoke x Mirrors Eyewear Collection At Barneys New York

Continue Reading

Top Stories