Father Father

3 Ways to Keep the Peace with the Mother of Your Man’s Children

Kids are only half of the consideration that goes into choosing to date a man with children. For most women, dealing with the mother of those kids is the main thing that makes them hesitant to go forward, but blending a family temporarily--or even over the long-term--doesn’t have to be a nightmare.

Will and Jada have always been open about maintaining a good relationship with Will’s ex-wife and mother of his first son. In the upcoming issue of Ebony magazine, Rev Run’s children appear in a Mother’s Day spread along with his current wife Justine and his ex-wife Valerie Vaughn, who’s Vanessa, Angela and Jo Jo’s mother. If that isn’t a strong wife/ex-wife/baby mama relationship we don’t know what is. It’s totally possible to keep the peace with the mother of your man’s children and even develop a good relationship with her, but it won’t come without a little work.

Here are three ways to go about it...

Give your guy space to be a father: There’s no easier way to get on a woman’s bad side than by keeping the father of her children from attending his kid’s events simply because you don’t want him to or you weren’t invited. There are going to be times when you have to accept coming second to his fatherly obligations, if you really want to make the relationship work and not feel the wrath of his children’s mother. Ideally, you’ll become just as much a part of his children’s lives as he is, but in the beginning this is a sacrifice you’ll just have to make.

Stay out of things that aren’t your business: Overstepping your boundaries is another quick way to start things on the wrong foot with your man’s baby mama. Of course, you may have an opinion about how the kids should be disciplined or what she could be doing better as a mother, but more often than not, this is not your place to speak on. You can bring concerns up to your man in private, but don’t impose your thoughts on his kids or try to totally turn her parenting around when the kids are with you.
Have a one-on-one: A conversation with the mother of your man’s kids probably won’t be necessary when things are just starting out but somewhere down the line a chat will do wonders for your relationship. It’s important to talk out all those concerns that can come up about what your role will be in her kids’ lives and if she has any sort of sense, she’ll appreciate being approached as a grown woman by another adult who has her children’s best interest in mind

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