Big Girls Big Girls

Big Girls, Confidence, and Shame

This past spring break, a couple of friends and I decided to spend a week where the weather is warm and the streets are buzzing, a place called South Beach Miami.

As someone who has always battled with her weight, my preparation for my vacation became extensive. I was in the gym everyday for hours trying to create a body to compete with the beauty queens, video models, and the other perfect beings I envisioned would be laid out on the sand. After weeks of workouts and dieting, I felt great. I was genuinely proud of my transformation. Yet, I still wasn’t sure if I was beach ready.

When I touched down in Miami, I was enthralled. I was ready for the wild and reckless adventures that would define my Spring Break.

First destination, the beach!

My excitement quickly turned into uncertainty. Was the world ready for my “beach body”? With immense hesitation, I reached for the only one-piece bathing suit I packed, and quickly covered myself with my sheer floral print sarong. It was then that I felt ready and confident to reveal myself to other spring-breakers.

As I walked along the beach, my visions became reality. The women were perfect. There were skinny girls, models, and beautiful women in their bikinis. Thank God I brought my cover-up! As I continued to walk further along the beach, the images changed. There were big girls in bathing suits.

I must admit, at first I was shocked. Many of these women walked around as if they owned the world in their two-piece bathing suits, unafraid to let it all hang out. Bumps, lumps, and curves were exposed. Wow, they have no shame. Initially, I was mortified for the women. How could they come out of the house like that? Suddenly, as I continued to watch them, my embarrassment turned into admiration. Wow, these women sure are confident. They smiled and laughed, played in the water, walked across the sand, flirted with the guys. They were everywhere. Here I stood in my long robe, and there they lived, happy, free and confident.

My thoughts began to wonder as I continued to watch the women on the beach. That’s when I noticed some of the stares and glares they were receiving from people passing by. The pride I found in their confidence slowly turned back into embarrassment. While some of the women tastefully showed off their curves, some were not so refined. People noticed their cellulite, stretch marks and body rolls, all of which I kept hidden under my one-piece and sarong. Then I began to think, are these women confident or do they have no shame?

As I walked the beach, I began to feel better about my one-piece bathing suit and cover-up. Everything was in place, no lumps, bumps, or humps to be weary of. I felt classy, sexy, and looked amazing. I had nothing to be ashamed of. While I wasn’t skinny like the South Beach models, I felt as if I was highlighting my best assets and taking the focus off of the areas that I believed needed improvement, Some of the other big girls highlighted it all. They walked the beach in their two-piece bikinis, exposing the world to their many imperfections. Their actions made me question.

Are these women really confident or is it something else? Is their confidence really a lack of shame in their current size? Better yet, is it ok to be ashamed of certain attributes, or should we be proud of it all? Let me know what you think!

From the Web

More on Vibe

Tommaso Boddi/Getty Images)

Kelly Rowland Says Her Highly-Anticipated Project Is "Definitely Coming"

Six years ago, Kelly Rowland released her fourth studio album titled Talk a Good Game. The project boasted hit singles like "Kisses Down Low" and the transparent "Dirty Laundry." Now, the Houston native is preparing to release a project that'll surely satisfy fans' patient earbuds.

In an interview with Billboard, Rowland shared her hopes for putting out a new body of work and the pressure that she's encountered since she's been in the studio. "This is by far the longest, most pressure-filled process ever, only because I know what it's supposed to be and I have been so hard on myself. I know it," she said. "And it's the first time I've said it out loud. I've been extremely hard on myself. But it's definitely coming, and I'm more so excited about this project than anything else."

The news follows the recent release of Rowland's "Kelly" track, which was met with critical acclaim in November 2018. In addition to preparing the release of new music, the "Motivation" singer discussed fans' wish for a Destiny's Child reunion. The rumors have been fueled by social media photographs of Rowland with either Beyonce or Michelle or all three, especially during Beyonce's past Coachella performance. But Rowland assures readers that it's not what they think.

"It's so funny. I guess every time people see us together, they just see music but I see sisterhood, and that's what we are and that's what me, her, Michelle [Williams] and Solange and I are. People see us all together, they immediately think music. I'm like, no. Just family." As Rowland previously mentioned Solange, she hopes to one day work with her again.

"I'm a huge fan," she said. "I love her writing and how detailed and particular she is. I always wanted to figure out how the heck she has so many different layers of harmonies when she is constructing these vocals, and it's so complex but simple. It's genius. It's the genius in her genius mind that she has in there." One of the last times the pair collaborated was on Rowland's "Simply Deep" track off her debut solo album of the same name. Solange also penned a few songs off the same project. Fast forward to 2016, and Rowland's vocals were featured on Solange's iconic A Seat at the Table.

Continue Reading
Gabe Ginsberg/Getty Images

Teyana Taylor To Pay Homage To Ballroom Culture In "WTP" Video

Teyana Taylor aims to keep her hot streak of innovative videos coming thanks to this recent announcement. Taking to Instagram on Wednesday (Jan. 9), the "Gonna Love Me" singer will show adoration to ballroom culture in the visual for "WTP."

Directed by Gregory "Beef" Jones, The Aunties Inc., and Taylor herself, the Harlemite takes viewers on her journey to the expression-filled space where she hopes to rack up 10s across the board from a group of judges. The premise of the video also seems to follow a mockumentary format airing on a fictional network named FEMTV. Alongside Taylor, other men and women get ready to display their talents and confidence on the ballroom floor.

"WTP" is featured on the mother-of-one's sophomore album, K.T.S.E., which was released in June 2018. While the rollout's controversy didn't entirely muddle the excitement behind the project's debut, Taylor said she was sold on the idea that her album would be treated as the biggest out of G.O.O.D. Music's string of releases last year.

"I didn't know ahead of time that there wouldn't be any singles or visuals. But I knew that it was going to be the five-album thing," she said during a HOT 97 interview. "[Kanye] wanted [my album] to be last, he wanted mine to be the biggest. That's the way they sauced it up. I was sold."

The video will debut on Jan. 19. Check out the teaser below.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

👀 1.19.19 👀 #WTP Directed by @teyanataylor & @ogbeefjones @theauntiesinc 🙏🏾🙌🏾🙏🏾 The wait is ALMOST over. 😏 @museumofsex

A post shared by Jimmy Neutch- Shumpert (@teyanataylor) on Jan 8, 2019 at 6:32pm PST

Continue Reading
Getty Images

Trina Braxton’s Ex-Husband, Gabe Solis, Dies After Battle With Cancer

Gabe Solis, the ex-husband of Trina Braxton, lost his battle with cancer, Thursday (Dec. 20),  TMZ reports. He was 43.

Solis passed away at his home in Texas, surrounded by friends and family, according to the outlet. No official details have been released about his passing.

Solis had reportedly been keeping his cancer battle private. His death came as a shock to his loved ones. On Friday (Dec. 21), Braxton seemingly mourned the loss of her ex-husband with a cryptic Instagram meme reading, “I need a hug..E bottle of wine.”

The former couple tied the knot in 2003, and appeared together on previous seasons of WEtv’s Braxton Family Values. Despite finalizing their divorce in 2015, Braxton and Solis confronted lingering issues from their marriage during an episode of Iyanla: Fix My Life, earlier in the year.

Braxton has since moved on to a new relationship, but remained friends with Solis.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Trina Braxton (@trinabraxton1) on Dec 21, 2018 at 9:49am PST

READ MORE: Phaedra Parks To Join 'Braxton Family Values' Cast

Continue Reading

Top Stories