When's the Right Time to Start Dating Again?
It always seems that when you dive into any new relationship, time goes at warp speed. First you’re talking online, then texting, then talking on the phone, then going on dates (give or take a few), then suddenly you’re cuffed! But once a relationship comes crashing down, everyone finds that their emotional clock runs at a different pace.
When you’ve been in a committed relationship for a couple months to several years, there’s always an emotional investment that you never completely get reimbursed for, especially when it ends. You’ll find that any song or random item can trigger an unwanted nostalgia that will keep you reminiscing on this, that and the third.
But how much time is considered enough for grieving and then the subsequent dating again? I confess that I’ve been the type to keep it moving. Never been a fan of sulking and wasting away my life over shoulda, coulda, woulda’s when I could be out there accomplishing things to occupy my mind and time. But it also doesn’t mean I was out trying to become another’s “wifey” immediately after chucking the deuces to the previous beau.
However, there are some people who can do it with ease. Take Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian, who seemingly weave their way in and out of relationships (or marriage). When you’re a star whose career is built upon making appearances, building empires and promoting your brand every minute of every day, there is little time for yourself, let alone another. But it makes sense why the two celebs flock to a man soon after every ending – to fill that void their lifestyles can’t afford.
The “YOLO” mindset for relationship carries its pros and cons. Never allowing yourself to fully express the hurt and pain often causes the emotional unpacking to occur at times you’re least prepared for it. Jumping into the dating scene also leaves you feeling more lonely, knowing that you’re trying to occupy the space of a ghost who was once real in your life.
There ultimately is no right or wrong time frame or method of dating again – you just need to know yourself. If Kanye was everything Kris wasn’t and exactly what she was looking for, then let’s be happy for her. If 24-year-old backup dancer Casper Smart has the moves that Marc Anthony didn’t, then let’s hope this is it for J.Lo. Of course, rushing into relations will stir a couple side-eyes and some finger-wagging from your loved ones, so be prepared to defend yourself accordingly. But also keep in mind that the most worthwhile relationships are the ones that took time to develop. Like wine, love gets better with age.