The Other Reason The Other Reason

The One Reason Men Aren't Approaching You

Lately, you can’t enter a hair salon, restaurant or lounge without hearing women complain about the lack of eligible men. And they have a point: take away the men in relationships, the gay men, the incarcerated men, the unemployed/uneducated men and the “dogs,” and there aren’t a lot of men to choose from.

But some, NOT all, of these women contribute to their inability to find a man. Some of these women push men away as soon as they meet them.

While some women don’t pull the “right” men, there are others who don’t attract men at all. And most of them have no idea why.

Despite what relationship experts, gurus and analysts would have you believe, there’s really no complex secret to attracting men. The way to attract men? Umm…stop repelling them. Simple physics.

Be kind, friendly and approachable. That’s all.

Nowhere was this more apparent than at a house party this weekend. The house party was full of men. Straight men. Attractive men. Blue-collar guys like maintenance men and bus drivers. White-collar guys who worked on Wall Street, for Citigroup or at prestigious law firms. Whatever type of man you’re interested in, you could find him at this party.

There were some women, like me, who left the party having been approached by several eligible guys. There were others who left without any love.

I sat back and watched my friends interact to see the difference in their behavior. (Yes, this was my personal social experiment). I found that the very friends who complain about being lonely repel the men that may be interested in them.

It’s not that they were unattractive. Quite the opposite. These ‘lonely’ girls were gorgeous and stacked like The House of Pancakes. It wasn’t their bodies that repelled men; it was their body language.

They looked distant. Annoyed. Holier than thou. Unpleasant. Moody. Uninterested. Rude.

They were tied to their friends at the hip all night, unwilling to branch off and socialize. Some even complained that there were too many men at the party. They looked like they’d reject the first man that approached them. And were surprised when no man did.

I’ve spoken to my male friends enough to know that they make a point to avoid women that seem this way. Their explanation is simple: No one wants to be rejected. And if you’re giving off a vibe like you may reject a man, they’re not setting themselves up for failure by approaching you.

On the flip side, a couple of my girls and I attracted men like moths to a flame. By the end of the night, we had several prospects — with great jobs and good looks — who were interested in getting to know us better.

And it’s not because we’re easy or exceptionally attractive. Don’t get me wrong—looks are important -—but it’s not about how big your butt is. My friend with the baddest shape is usually left by her lonesome. My thin girlfriend with hardly any curves can’t keep guys away.

It’s more about how you carry yourself. The vibe you put out in the universe. The energy.

Are you desperate? Negative? Moody? Snotty? Men can read that. And if you come off that way, prepare to be snotty all by yourself.

If you’re negative and always complaining or sticking your nose in the air, you’ll deter men from approaching you. A positive attitude and pleasant demeanor go a long way in attracting men into your life.

My friends and I that were approached are just friendly and pleasant girls that smile, laugh, wink. And it gets us the dates and attention that seems to elude many.

And note: friendly doesn’t mean you’re chasing men, or being a whore. As I said before, the girls competing for attention by throwing themselves at men are repelling men too, but for another reason. That reason being, as my boy put, “I don’t want it if it’s that easy,” (c) Tupac.

My advice is to simply give them a sign that you’re interested. And you’ll be surprised to find, more often than not, they’re interested back.

Men, what does it take for you to approach a woman in a social setting? What pushes you away from a woman you’d otherwise be interested in? Women, have you found the ‘friendly’ approach works for you?

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