Not Your Mother’s Blog: Do You Have a List of Dating Standards?


We all have it. You might’ve written it down and put it in a place where you could see it every day and meditate on it, or you’ve typed it up and stuck it between the pages of your Bible with a little extra prayer that it might come true. But wherever you’ve stashed it, your list is that holy grail of an insight to what would make you happy in love. It’s a list of character traits your potential mate has to have.

Taken out of a page of one of my favorite 80’s movies Weird Science, that piece of paper is your ticket to Build-A-Mate. Just think, if God gave us a partner who was our ideal of lust, wouldn’t you be happy as a clam? Let me see: Rub my head, play in my hair, cook (and cook well), massage my booty without wanting sex right after, give great sex (great!), be family-oriented, and for the “aww” factor, show that you love me before you actually say it. And let’s not forget, you’ve gotta love Jesus.

If we all pull out our respective lists, how many of us are actually dating our dream guy or gal? Some people are so rigidly committed to their list that they miss an opportunity of a good thing if someone doesn’t live up to their dating commandments. How do you really know what you want till you get it? But on the other side, some people need a damn list, because if you line up all of their exes, they’d all be as drastically different as Mother Teresa and Rihanna.

(Before the Rihanna Navy tries to come for me, let’s get back on task.)

You see, a girlfriend of mine says her new boyfriend is everything on her list except one thing: passionate. It’s something she didn’t even include on her list until she noticed a lack of it, but it is something that’s extremely important to her. She’s constantly questioning her place in his life because he doesn’t show passion for her accomplishments or even when they’re making love.

So how do we make sure our list remains a barometer for us in this dating battlefield and doesn’t turn into an iron-clad way to end up lonelier then Chilli with a list of wants or has-to-haves longer then Stevie J’s teeth? Share your thoughts. — Alesha Reneé (@AleshaRenee)

Make sure to watch Girl Code Tuesday nights at 10:30pm ET/PT on MTV.