Not Your Mother’s Blog: Love Isn’t Black or White


For some reason, in 2013 we are still dealing with race relations in regards to people dating outside someone of another ethnic background. I recently had a convo with some friends of mine that made me go hmm.

Mia, my boy Dev and I were talking about interracial dating since my girl Mia has recently started dating this Italian stallion. Dev took issue with this because, in his words, she would be a black man’s ideal trophy. She cooks, cleans, she’s very southern and traditional, very beautiful and well educated. Mia’s argument is that black men are intimidated by her and  very quick to date outside their race and, in fact, are even quicker to put down black women in the process by saying things like, “I don’t date black women because they are such-and-such” or ” black women don’t know how to let a man be a man”  or ” black women have all types of anger issues.” The list goes on.

Dev responded by saying that, well, some of those things are true. “If a black woman gives too many issues then yes I will date outside my race,” he told us. Mia responded with, “Then why do you have issues with me dating a white guy?” Dev’s answer? “Because you’re fine and should be with a black man!”

I can’t!

I’m an equal opportunity employer. I date men. Period. Black, white, brown, olive–I don’t care, as long as you’re a great man. I’ve been in four serious relationships, all black men. Three really bad, and one that was good. I started dating outside my race because as you get older and the dating pool becomes smaller, it’s wise to expand on my horizons. I won’t, however, put down one race to elevate the other. Love is love, and it should be blind and colorless. People take issue with Halle Berry because she isn’t with a black man, but she married three (I believe), and it didn’t work out! She happened to find love outside her race, but I’ve never heard her say black men ain’t shit like I’ve heard some black men say about black women.

I don’t get angry when I see a fine black man with a white girl. And why should I? Why would you be angry at a man who isn’t checking for you? Sometimes a black man will date a white woman because that’s just who he happened to fall in love with. And sometimes a black woman will date a white guy because he’s the one who captured her heart. And sometimes it’s because they hate their race and, in some ways, hate parts of themselves. You just never know.

If we have a black president, minorities are making socio advances across the board and more cultures are blending now more than ever, why are we still making a grey matter black or white? Thoughts? — Alesha Renee (@alesharenee)

Make sure to watch Girl Code Tuesday nights at 10:30 p.m. ET/PT on MTV.

Tags: Black, Dating, white