To the Guy Who Is Great on Twitter But Bad in Real Life
I met this guy that, to his over 135,000 twitter followers at least, is a virtual God. I’ve encountered my share of those self-proclaimed Twitter celebs but none have grazed my timeline with comedic genius quite like this charmer. He perfectly constructed witty punch lines, arranged what I felt were daily pop culture forums and was always dabbling in something interesting. His life and online persona appeared to be crème de la crème. And honestly, it’s a skill to be that compelling through a screen.
Where was I?
Yes. I finally came face to face with the man behind the app through a good friend of mine, who peevishly calculated how many times I would quote this man’s word art. She figured it was time I put an end to my lighthearted obsession so she brought me to a small gathering where she knew he would be.
Aside from the distorted selfies and comic sketches he would post scarcely to Twitter, I was completely unaware of what this guy looked like since I never followed him on Instagram. But before I knew it, the man of my Twitter dreams was within arms reach. I thought, his first words will be something amazing and we’ll become best friends forever and vow to be silly and laugh until our sides were screaming.
But shortly after the formal introductory game play, and as I waited for what had to be a hilarious conversation to ensue, he provided a very stale aura. I didn’t sweat it though. I knew he was saving all of his good material for a night of crazy off-the-wall fun…right? I mean, this is the guy who broadcasts his over-the-top, live ass personality to the world.
As the night went on, I grew annoyed and severely temperamental as he became more attached to my hip, and by that point, my friend had disappeared amongst the open bar while I was left trying to figure out who in the hell this corny-slash-asshole stranger was. I couldn’t even get drunk enough to endure the suffering. Thankfully, I dodged having to exchange numbers with this psycho (I told him that Kanye was my inspiration for not believing in phones). Any lie that I could freestyle was tested and, trust, I repented for my sins later.
As soon as I got home and checked my Twitter, he was back to his deceiving ways. I should have learned from shows like Catfish that what you see is not always what you get.