‘Inside His Mind’ Part 3: What Single Women Should Do On V-Day


So you’ve rehearsed the rationale and conspiracy theories of why Valentine’s Day is bogus, but you still don’t look forward to the end of that night when you’re alone. You’re not looking forward to thinking about what everyone else is doing that you wish you could be, about what you did that one year that you won’t be doing this time and about how 90% of women all over the world are going to be getting spoiled rotten while you’re eating frozen yogurt watching a Housewives marathon.

Only thing is, 90% of women won’t be getting spoiled. With the divorce rate and number of homosexual men skyrocketing, about 40% of women don’t have a man to share the day with at all. Another 25% are unsuspecting side chicks, and will be getting that news any day now. Add in another 15% who are either “holding a man down” while he serves his sentence or sneaking around in his mom’s basement because his record deal hasn’t come through yet and the 10% who are just plain ol’ single like you and boom; that 90% is actually women who also won’t be expecting flowers and candy.

So this is what you do; get some wine, soak your feet, and celebrate. Celebrate that as a single woman, you’re not talking to your man through a glass window admiring his new orange outfit or that you don’t have to come to the realization that the guy you’ve been excited to spend lover’s day with is already loving someone else.

Expect pictures to go up of those who did get gifts and tweets that exaggerate or blatantly lie about a special someone. But if any of those happy couples feel the need to slander you for being single, remind them that Spring Break is just around the corner. The suspicions, the lies, the tagged photos they can’t explain; all of it. And while they wait for that, you wait for your tax refund check and try to withstand the pain of not having to answer to anyone for doing whatever you want to do whenever you feel like doing it.

-Derrick Jaxn