There is no real way to be modest while rocking a fur coat. Whether lynx or mink, puffy or slim-fit, it’s impossible. Disagree? Give one a good caress. Feel the soft texture. Observe the shimmery sheen. And once you unwrap yourself from its owner’s leg like in those thirsty AXE commercials, recognize the compelling allure of the fur (or furra, as Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta’s Jocelyn enunciates).
There’s something primal about the swag that comes with proudly wearing a once-living mammal’s pelt. It’s like Tarzan with bling on. Think about the dynamics at play: You’ve got the smooth, downy hairs of an animal—that you may or may not have slaughtered yourself—cloaking your torso, and maybe draping to your calves. For warmth. But really, for respect. [Insert humble brag here.]
Back in the disco days, legendary Jets quarterback Joe Namath stayed toasty on the sidelines in full-lengths (he pulled a fresh one out at last night’s
Super Slaughter Bowl XLVIII). Yet today’s generation of celebs have experienced peak moments, too. Cam’ron’s pink mink was instantly mythical. Diddy and Kim Kardashian stay sporting hide. But palms down, no one looked cooler in hot-ass fur than the great Pimp C. Replay the music video for “International Player’s Anthem (I Choose You)” to see the late UGK half and his Clorox-white felt in all their gaudy glory. Pimpin’ ain’t easy but it sure is… snug.
Furball rookies take heed, there’s one rule to the game: Keep it genuine. Ain’t nothing like the real thing, so faux outta here with the phony pelts. Apologies, PETA. —John Kennedy