Recap: The 11 Best Quotes From Last Night’s ‘Scandal’

Scandal Season 3, Episode 14 “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” If the purpose of last night’s Scandal was to have everyone ugly-sobbing in their living rooms, then well done, Shonda Rhimes. It doesn’t take long for the #WhoGotShot cliffhanger to get solved as we see the new Command get his hands dirty, literally. Two unlikely pairs hook up. Cyrus Beane has one last dance with James and gives us the most emo press conference we’ve ever seen. And Olivia learns that Jake is really a new man, one who’s a lot like her pops. Below, the best quotes from last night’s episode. 1. “Are you smart, David? Can you work with me on this or do I need to stop liking you?” —Jake Ballard In his new role as Command for B613, Jake’s turned from lothario to lethal weapon. Taking matters into his own hands, Mr. In Too Deep makes James’ murder look like a car jacking and buries the other two women he killed in the process. 2. “I am not some dirty little secret. I am your boyfriend!” —James Novak Flashbacks of how Cyrus and James met (during James’ days as a Boston Dispatch journalist) are interspersed throughout the episode. Surprise: James is the one who initially charmed and courted Cyrus (“You really think I’m gonna take fashion advice from a guy with a neck beard?” he jokes). Cyrus falls head over heels and, after some resistance, makes a bold move by claiming James at the Inaugural Ball. 3. “I don’t make bombs. I make money.” —Mama Pope, aka Marie Wallace Mama Pope is back to her old, terrorist-enabling ways, claiming she’s not one of the bad guys; just someone who throws them alley oops. “Terrorists use violence to advance their convictions: God, country,” she argues. Mama’s taking meetings and looks like she’s on a mission. 4. “Life is unfortunate. Random, coincidental things happen to bad people.” —Jake Ballard Keep telling yourself that, Jake. When Olivia confronts her fake boyfriend about James’ murder, he sets her straight about the deeds his position as Command requires. Olivia’s response: “Fitz gave you the keys to this office and immediately you became my father!” So… no more fake sex? 5. “Can you just be, I don’t know, nice for a minute, to me? Can you be a dad?… I need my dad.” —Olivia Pope Olivia plays the daddy card and Papa Pope can’t help but to dish another one of his park-bench monologues, this time breaking down the ugliness of being Command. At the same time, he’s wearing his daddy hat (kind of), offering advice on dealing with monsters like himself. 6. “When you become Command, you are the one giving the orders. You are the one making the decisions. You have to choose who lives, who dies. You are responsible. So you become… the hand of God.” —Rowan Pope You think Papa Pope doesn’t have a conscience? The 183 murders he’s ordered stay on his mind and he lets Olivia know, via yelling, her job is needed because, “Everyone is worth saving!” “In the face of darkness, you drag everyone into the light,” he says. “I like to think that is the point of you.” 7. “It’s a shame… that he can’t see you the way I do.” —Andrew Nichols Mellie breaks and gives into temptation by face-timing with the Vice Presidential candidate. Meanwhile, President Fitz ends up flip-flopping on gun control laws and using Novak’s murder as an opportunity to switch up his views in favor of gun control. Sally Langston, on the other hand, pulls the trigger and gets in bed with the gun lobbyists. Who’s gonna win this war?

8. “Somewhere in there you’re still a Gladiator.” —Huck After spotting Quinn on camera stealing from Olivia’s safe, Huck pops in to Quinn’s place to say hello murk her and ends up tonguing her down while basically saying, I made you, why would I play you? “If you’re not gonna kill me,” Quinn responds, “Get the hell out.” 9. “Lose this battle so we can win the war.” —Olivia Pope After having a crisis of conscience, Olivia conspires with David (who’s already sold his soul to cover up James’ murder) and plots to demolish B613. Finally, Olivia’s back to being Mrs. Fix It, huh? 10. “Nnnnaa! Aaah! Ah nno, nN! Aaha! Leh-lemme do my job. Lemme do my j-job.”—Cyrus Beane 11. “You’re almost there. You’re almost there. Any minute now.” Jake is one confusing murderer. After placing two dead women’s bodies in the trunk… he’ll get to them later… he sits with a dying James and comforts him, saying his daughter will be okay. Beautiful monster indeed.