non-boyfriend cover non-boyfriend cover

12-Step Program to Getting Over Your Non-Boyfriend

Loso somewhat glamorized the idea of being in a situationship on a track from his Soul Tape 3. And it’s nice to have the leniency of a no-strings-attached kind of relationship—daring even. That is until the guy decides to move on to someone else and you’re left with nothing but what could’ve been a relationship. The reality of a "situationship" is that there are no titles and no commitments. But alas, there’s a silver lining to the heartbreak of a non-boyfriend. That little loophole he used to breakup with you is also your be-petty-to-bae free card. Get ready to be a little immature with our 12-step program to getting over your non-boyfriend.

Photo Credit: Twitter

non-boyfriend 1Identify him as your non-boyfriend

If he actually was your boyfriend and you two were in a serious and committed relationship, this program is not for you. Be on the lookout for our “Waiting to Exhale: 12 Steps to Getting Over a Dog” program coming soon.

non-boyfriend 2Accept the fact that he was never your boyfriend

This may be hard, but the first step to recovery is acceptance. You have to realize that those BFF “dates” watching movies and having “slumber parties” didn’t equate to a relationship. And once you can come to grips with this, well that’s when the fun begins.

non-boyfriend 3Turn on your read receipts

We call this the "Petty La Belle" step. He’s going to eventually text you to rekindle the flame so let him know that you saw his message. This way you can keep him wondering. (Disregard if you have an Android)

non-boyfriend 4Monitor your conversations

You have the choice of either reducing the amount of times you text him back or increasing the amount of time you take to respond to his messages. We recommend the latter for ultimate pettiness, but it’s up to you to decide.

non-boyfriend 5Call your friends over for a “he wasn’t sh*t” party

Similar to the “I’m Sorry” party coined by Kirk and Rasheeda of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, this party involves the public display of emotions to your loved ones. Have your girls come over—each with a bottle of alcohol and a carton of ice cream—and spill your guts out.

non-boyfriend 6Delete him from your memory

Ah, the "Petty Riley" step. This is when you go through your phone with friends deleting everything that has anything to do with him (except the nudes, always keep the nudes).

non-boyfriend 7The Drunk Dial/Text

Whether you’re just a bit tipsy or tipping off the couch, it’s time to let him know how you feel. Call him up and spill your guts even more, letting him know how much of a mistake he made in playing you. This is great because you can always blame it on the alcohol.

non-boyfriend 8Have a heart to heart with your friends

All pettiness aside (just for this one step), your friends are also there to comfort you in your time of need. Cry on a shoulder or two knowing that they won’t let anything you say or do leave the room after that night.

non-boyfriend 9Tend to your hangover

All those shots of Patron mixed with tubs of Ben & Jerry’s will probably have you hovered over the toilet for a while. Pop an aspirin, drink some water and take a day just to recuperate from all the madness.

non-boyfriend 10Block his number on your phone

Now that you’ve gotten everything off your chest, there’s no need to keep in contact with him—at least for a while. A simple number block will keep you from being bothered with the subsequent texts and calls after your drunken confession.

non-boyfriend 11Unfollow and block him on every social network

You don’t want to know what woman is liking his pictures or blowing up his Twitter mentions; that’s adding salt to the wound. Simplify your life with an unfollow and a block on social networks as well.

non-boyfriend 12Stunt!

And in your final hour of pettiness, you get the chance to show him what he’ll be missing. Wait a few days then get dressed in an outfit that says, “I know I’m bad, and I’m not even trying.” And when you’re ready to break a few necks and hearts, go somewhere you’ll know he’ll be just show him just how much you’re over him… even if you’re not.

 

From the Web

More on Vibe

SZA Calls For Peace While Receiving 'Rule Breaker' Award At Billboard Women In Music

SZA called for peace and understanding at Billboard's Women In Music event Thursday (Dec. 6).

During her speech for the Rule Breaker award, singer-songwriter recalled today's climate, asking her peers and those watching at home for a little bit of peace.

"I'm sorry for the state of the world honestly, for everybody in this room and I pray that all of us just get through it a little bit easier and just try not to lash out at each other," she said.

The recurring theme of unity among women was also heard on the carpet from artists like Tierra Whack. In addition to her message of love, the "Broken Clocks" singer also thanked her TDE family for rocking with her creative process.

"I'm just so thankful for everybody having patience with me, " she said. Shouting out the key members of her family in attendance, the TDE affiliate gave praise to her mother, father, and grandma. In this brief speech centered around the artist's growth Solána Imani Rowe, known more commonly as her stage name, Rowe everyone for their trust in her.

"I'm grateful for everybody taking the time to have the patience to watch someone grow, it is painful and sometimes exciting but mostly boring. And I am thankful for Top (Top Dawg Entertainment's Anthony Tiffith) for not dropping me from that label. For Peter, who I change my ideas every day and he be like okay I like this," she continued.

Thanking the likes of musical powerhouses like Alicia Keys and Whack, "The Weekend" singer offered her appreciation and condolences to Ariana Grande.

Watch SZA accept the Rule Breaker award above.

READ MORE: Anderson .Paak, Tierra Whack And More Praise Female Artists At 2018 Billboard Women In Music

Continue Reading

Beyoncé, Rihanna, And J. Lo Make Forbes’ Highest-Paid Women In Music List

As November comes to a close, many publications will be crafting their year-end lists for all things pop culture. Forbes released a ranking of the world's highest-paid women in music on Monday (Nov. 19), with Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, and Rihanna holding it down for women of color.

Beyoncé comes in at No. 3 on the list with an earning of $60 million as she made most of her money through her historical Coachella performance, the joint album with husband JAY-Z, Everything is Love, and the Carters' On The Run II Tour in support of its release.

Jennifer Lopez made No. 6 for earnings tallying of over $47 million thanks to her lucrative Las Vegas residency, endorsements, and shows including World of Dance where she serves as a judge.

Rihanna follows behind the "Love Don't Cost A Thing" diva at No. 7 with earnings of over $37.5 million. Although she hasn't toured since 2016—thanks to her cosmetics and lingerie lines, Fenty Beauty and Savage Lingerie—the Bajan pop star has been keeping herself busy.

Forbes' annual list (which factors in pretax earnings from June 1, 2017, through June 1, 2018) has placed Katy Perry at the top with over $83 million in profits due to her gig as an American Idol judge and her 80-date Witness: The Tour that brought in an estimated $1 million per night.

Scroll down to see Forbes' full list below.

Katy Perry ($83 million) Taylor Swift ($80 million) Beyoncé ($60 million) P!nk ($52 million) Lady Gaga ($50 million) Jennifer Lopez ($47 million) Rihanna ($37.5 million) Helene Fischer ($32 million) Celine Dion ($31 million) Britney Spears ($30 million)

 

READ MORE: Nas Makes Forbes’ List Of ‘Hip-Hop Cash Kings’ For The First Time

Continue Reading

Kelly Rowland Hops In Her Bag With New Single "Kelly"

Kelly Rowland has it all and isn't afraid to brag about it on her new single, "Kelly."

Released Thursday (Nov. 22), the singer goes the clubby, confident route while rightfully dropping her attributes like her relationship with God, smoldering looks (a.k.a the drip) among other things. With "Kelly" being the first single since her 2013's Talk a Good Game, the singer comes out swinging, reminding everyone of her power in the game.

The mother of one has promised that her new tunes will be edgier and most honest than her past work that included vulnerable tracks like "Dirty Laundry" and massive hits like "Motivation" and "Commander." Speaking with Vogue over the summer, Ms. Kelly disclosed a few details behind the album.

“It’s about love, loss, and gain and whether it’s professional or with family or whatever, it’s just honest," she said. "I had no choice but to be honest and authentic with this record: it’s about friendship and marriage.”

She also explained a drop in confidence caused her hiatus. “I was thinking about pulling back from recording, but I couldn’t help myself: I still wanted to record. I still felt like I was missing something. The third year just came and left so fast. The fourth year I said: ‘I have to get to work’ and now I’m ready to release some music! I felt like I wasted so much time, and it was my husband who actually called me out on it. He said: ‘Babe, as great as those records were, I think you were nervous, you got gun-shy’, and when he said that it was like boom, a gong went off.”

Glad to have you back, Ms. Kelly. Listen to the eponymous record up top.

READ MORE: Kelly Rowland Debuts Smoke x Mirrors Eyewear Collection At Barneys New York

Continue Reading

Top Stories