Joan Rivers - Photocall Joan Rivers - Photocall
LONDON - SEPTEMBER 02: Actress and comedienne Joan Rivers gestures during photocall for her new play 'A Work in Progress by a Life in Progress' at the Leicester Square Theatre on September 2, 2008 in London, England. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

RIP Joan Rivers: The Funniest Quotes By The Fashion Comedian

Today we lost one of the pioneering funny women of comedy, Joan Rivers.

She ruffled many feathers, she made many laugh, and most of all, she had no filter, but as Ms. Rivers would point out, "I succeeded by saying what everyone else was thinking." And to be honest, she was boldly right.

Today the entertainment and fashion world mourned the death of the comedic fashion critic as she passed away at 81. Her daughter, Melissa Rivers, confirmed her passing while also reminding us to remember the laughs her mother gave us while she was alive. "My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon," Melissa Rivers said in a statement.

She left her roller coaster career on a high note with her successful E! show, Fashion Police, but that came after her long career in stand up comedy. Joan's nitch in life was finding the humor in everything and making it known that no one was safe, not even herself.

Before she slipped into her coma that eventually took her life, she left a funny sour note in everyone's mouth with her last comments. As we celebrate the life of one of the funniest women in the business, take a look at the funniest Joan River quotes, but be warned, she's not for the timid and easily offended. 

Joan Rivers Signs Copies Of "Diary Of A Mad Diva"

On Money

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”

Celebrities Visit "Late Show With David Letterman" - June 4, 2012

On Plastic Surgery

“I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.”

“My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.”

Joan Rivers At Hard Rock Live!

Stand up Comedy

“The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I’ve been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.”

Joan Rivers Signs Copies Of "I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me"

God Jokes

“I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”

“Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.”


2007 British Academy Television Awards - Press Room

Sex and Relationships

"Why women don’t blink during foreplay… not enough time."

“The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.”

"It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up."

“Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.”

 
TFF 2010 Portrait Studio At The FilmMaker Industry Press Center - Day 5

 

On Comedy

“We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.”

“I believe in telling it like it is. I’ve always been a no-holds barred type of person. I let it all hang out. I’m in bed eating Cheetos. How’s that for telling it all? Who else would admit that over the phone?”



MTV TCA 2009

Jokes About Herself

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."

“I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.””

“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.”

78th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

On Fashion

“It’s like herpes: You either have it or you don’t.”

“I put her [The Virgin Mary] in a Chanel suit, Manolo Blahniks, and a Louis Vuitton pocketbook. You’re the mother of God, look it! If she had looked like that, she would’ve gotten into the inn. The point is, it’s about looks.”

Joan RiversOn Getting Older

“You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.”

“I’ve learned: When you get older, who cares? I don’t mince words, I don’t hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It’s been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I’ve never been invited!”

Grandchildren

“Grandchildren can be so fucking annoying. How many times can you go, ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.”

Joan RiversGrowing Up

“All I ever heard when I was a kid was, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila?’ And Sheila had died at birth.”

“Til I was 9, my mother was still trying to get an abortion. That stuff sticks with you.”

E! Fashion Police Fashion Week Kickoff Party

On Her Daughter

“The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.”

"I try to be as nice to her as I possibly can, because one day I may need part of her liver."

Joan Rivers at Ritz Party

On Cooking

“I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.”

2009 Krewe of Orpheus Parade

Gays

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

 

 

 

 

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Kush & Splendor: 5 CBD Beauty Products That’ll Take Your Self-Care Routine From 0 To 100

Lotions, creams, and salves—oh my! With cannabidiol (CBD) popping up in just about every product you can imagine, the cannabis-infused beauty industry is clearly on the come-up. In fact, analysts predict that the “wellness” movement—as well as the legalization of Mary Jane across the world—will help rake in $25 billion globally in the next 10 years, according to Business Insider. That’s 15 percent of the $167 billion skincare market.

And what better way to up the ante on one’s wellness routine than with all-natural CBD? Just ask Dr. Lana Butner, naturopathic doctor and acupuncturist at NYC’s Modrn Sanctuary, who incorporates CBD in her treatments.

“CBD is a fantastic addition to acupuncture sessions for both its relaxation and anti-inflammatory, pain-relieving effects,” Butner shares with Vixen. “The calming effects of CBD allows for patients to deeply relax into the treatment and really tap into the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest, digestion and muscle repair/regeneration.”

She adds that CBD’s pain-relieving effects are “far-reaching,” from muscular and joint pains to migraines and arthritis—and even IBS and indigestion.

The magic lies in CBD’s ability to impact endocannabinoid receptor activity in our bodies. Without getting too wordy, our bodies come equipped with a system called the endocannabinoid system (ECS), which is the HBIC over our sleep, appetite, pain and immune system response. Also known as cannabidiol, CBD teams up with this system to help reduce inflammation and interact with neurotransmitters. According to Healthline, CBD has also been scientifically shown to impact the brain’s receptors for serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for regulating our mood and social behavior.

All that said, it’s important to note that not all CBD products are created equal. Many brands cashing in on the green beauty wave use hemp seed oil, sometimes referred to as cannabis sativa seed oil, in place of CBD... which doesn’t make them any less great! Hemp seed oil is actually high in antioxidants, amino acids, and omega-3 and -6 fatty acids—all of which are thebomb.com for your skin.

“It’s generally viewed as a superfood and is great for adding nutritional value to your diet,” Ashley Lewis, co-founder of Fleur Marché, told Well and Good last month. “In terms of skin care, it’s known as a powerful moisturizer and skin softener that doesn’t clog pores or contribute to oily skin.”

However, when companies start marketing CBD and hemp oil as one-in-the-same, that’s when things get a bit tricky.

“The biggest issue is that hemp seed oil and CBD are two totally different compounds that come from different parts of the hemp plant, have different makeups, and different benefits,” Lewis added. “Marketing them as the same thing just isn’t accurate and does a disservice to consumers who are expecting certain benefits that they won’t get from hemp seed oil and who are often paying more for what they think is CBD.”

So if you’re looking to benefit from the perks specifically attributed to CBD, make sure you’re reading labels before buying, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Hell, ask for a product’s test results, while you’re at it. It never hurts to be sure.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, are you ready to see what all the hype is about? For this 4/20, we rounded up a few CBD (and hemp!)-infused products to help give your self-care routine a bit of a boost. Looks like your holiday just got that much kushier. You’re welcome!

Note: Data and regulations surrounding CBD and its use are still in development. That said, please don’t take anything written in this post as medical or legal advice, and definitely double check the laws in your state. Also, please do your body a favor and hit up your doctor before trying any new supplements. We’re just tryna look out for you. Okay? Okay. Read on.

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Vivica A. Fox Explains Past Hesitance Behind 'Two Can Play That Game' Script

In a new interview with Essence, actress Vivica A. Fox discussed how she initially turned down her role in Two Can Play That Game based on the script. The established entertainer said it's her mission to ensure that black people are positively portrayed onscreen, and noticed the aforementioned film's prose didn't live up to those standards.

"I think the reason why—no I know the reason why—I've been doing this for such a long time is that I fight," Fox said. "When we did Two Can Play That Game, I fought for the way we talked, walked, the way we loved each other." The Set It Off actress continued to state that she consistently declined Two Can Play That Game before signing on to play the lead role. "Because the script, when I first got it, I turned it down three times because it just wasn't a good representation of African-Americans, so I fought them on everything," she noted. "I want to make sure that the images of African-Americans are as positive and as true as they can possibly be."

In 2001, the romantic comedy debuted to fanfare, boasting an all-star cast of Morris Chestnut, Mo'Nique, Anthony Anderson, Bobby Brown, Gabrielle Union, Wendy Raquel Robinson, and more. Directed by Mark Brown (Barbershop, Iverson, How To Be A Player), Fox plays a career driven person named Shante Smith who navigates a curveball when her boyfriend Keith Fenton (Chestnut) cheats on her with a co-worker.

After its release, Two Can Play That Game raked in over $22 million at the box office.

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Actress Gabrielle Union attends the Being Mary Jane premiere, screening, and party on January 9, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by Bennett Raglin/Getty Images for BET)
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BET To Unveil Edible Billboard For 'Being Mary Jane' Wedding Finale

As Being Mary Jane comes to an end, BET is willing to offer fans a taste of what's to come in the series finale.

The network has enlisted the help of Ayesha Curry, celebrity cook and cookbook author, to create an edible billboard that also doubles as a wedding cake. The sweet treat will commemorate Mary Jane's (played by Gabrielle Union) nuptials in the two-hour series finale.

On April 20 from 1:00 P.M. to 7:00 P.M. at Brooklyn's Atlantic Terminal in New York, fans will be presented with the edible billboard. At the intersection of Ashland Place and Hanson Place, the closer Being Mary Jane enthusiasts get to the billboard the quicker they'll notice that the four-tiered wedding cake is created from individual boxes, each containing a slice of Curry's prized wedding cake.

All fans have to do is pull a box from the billboard, snap a picture for the 'Gram, take a bite and enjoy. Although lovers of the show won't be able to celebrate with Mary Jane herself, biting into a slice of her wedding cake, for free, is the next best thing.

Don't forget to tune into the series finale of Being Mary Jane on Tues. (April 23) at 8/7 c.

Also, check out what's to come on the series of Being Mary Jane below.

Save the date! 👰🏾It'll be worth the wait. Join us for the series finale of #BeingMaryJane TUES APR 23 8/7c only on @BET! pic.twitter.com/jEwkbC71OW

— #BeingMaryJane (@beingmaryjane) March 29, 2019

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