Joan Rivers - Photocall Joan Rivers - Photocall

RIP Joan Rivers: The Funniest Quotes By The Fashion Comedian

Today we lost one of the pioneering funny women of comedy, Joan Rivers.

She ruffled many feathers, she made many laugh, and most of all, she had no filter, but as Ms. Rivers would point out, "I succeeded by saying what everyone else was thinking." And to be honest, she was boldly right.

Today the entertainment and fashion world mourned the death of the comedic fashion critic as she passed away at 81. Her daughter, Melissa Rivers, confirmed her passing while also reminding us to remember the laughs her mother gave us while she was alive. "My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon," Melissa Rivers said in a statement.

She left her roller coaster career on a high note with her successful E! show, Fashion Police, but that came after her long career in stand up comedy. Joan's nitch in life was finding the humor in everything and making it known that no one was safe, not even herself.

Before she slipped into her coma that eventually took her life, she left a funny sour note in everyone's mouth with her last comments. As we celebrate the life of one of the funniest women in the business, take a look at the funniest Joan River quotes, but be warned, she's not for the timid and easily offended. 

Joan Rivers Signs Copies Of "Diary Of A Mad Diva"

On Money

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”

Celebrities Visit "Late Show With David Letterman" - June 4, 2012

On Plastic Surgery

“I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.”

“My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.”

Joan Rivers At Hard Rock Live!

Stand up Comedy

“The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I’ve been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.”

Joan Rivers Signs Copies Of "I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me"

God Jokes

“I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”

“Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.”


2007 British Academy Television Awards - Press Room

Sex and Relationships

"Why women don’t blink during foreplay… not enough time."

“The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.”

"It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up."

“Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.”

 
TFF 2010 Portrait Studio At The FilmMaker Industry Press Center - Day 5

 

On Comedy

“We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.”

“I believe in telling it like it is. I’ve always been a no-holds barred type of person. I let it all hang out. I’m in bed eating Cheetos. How’s that for telling it all? Who else would admit that over the phone?”



MTV TCA 2009

Jokes About Herself

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."

“I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.””

“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.”

78th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

On Fashion

“It’s like herpes: You either have it or you don’t.”

“I put her [The Virgin Mary] in a Chanel suit, Manolo Blahniks, and a Louis Vuitton pocketbook. You’re the mother of God, look it! If she had looked like that, she would’ve gotten into the inn. The point is, it’s about looks.”

Joan RiversOn Getting Older

“You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.”

“I’ve learned: When you get older, who cares? I don’t mince words, I don’t hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It’s been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I’ve never been invited!”

Grandchildren

“Grandchildren can be so fucking annoying. How many times can you go, ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.”

Joan RiversGrowing Up

“All I ever heard when I was a kid was, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila?’ And Sheila had died at birth.”

“Til I was 9, my mother was still trying to get an abortion. That stuff sticks with you.”

E! Fashion Police Fashion Week Kickoff Party

On Her Daughter

“The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.”

"I try to be as nice to her as I possibly can, because one day I may need part of her liver."

Joan Rivers at Ritz Party

On Cooking

“I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.”

2009 Krewe of Orpheus Parade

Gays

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

 

 

 

 

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Beyoncè Shells Out Ivy Park Goodies To Janelle Monae, Yara Shahidi, Kelly Rowland And More

We're less than 24 hours away from the full release of Beyoncè's Ivy Park collaboration with Adidas and fans are beyond ready, thanks to her brilliant orange box preview.

The entertainer and businesswoman gifted her family and celebrity pals with treasure trunks of goodies. From Solange to Yara Shahidi, celebs shared pieces from the collection on social media this week. Adidas announced its multi-year partnership with the mogul last April, making history in the process. The singer is the first black woman to be the sole owner of an athleisure brand. Bey took the steps to own the brand entirely after her initial collab with Topshop in 2016 by purchasing the shares of Phillip Green after sexual harassment claims were filed against him.

“It’s a dream come true to re-launch IVY PARK as the sole owner,” Beyonce said in a statement. It’s her first collaboration with adidas but not her first time building buzz for a product. The legend cleverly shared the mysterious orange boxes in all shapes in sized to her friends, thus creating quite the conversation on social media.

Ivy Park is also creating bigger conversations in the corporate world. According to a November research note by Bank of America Merrill Lynch, Ivy Park's sales can slowly surpass Kanye West's Yeezy line.

“In-line with adidas approach on other franchises, we would expect there to be a low volume, high priced launch ... to create brand heat and in the following years the brand will likely become more democratized,” the note says.“Initially, Ivy Park will be smaller than Yeezy, but Ivy Park has the potential to be larger, if managed properly,” says Matt Powell, a senior footwear analyst at NPD Group.

We love to see it.

See the celebs bask in their Ivy Park glory below.

Tina Lawson

 

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I love this couture beautiful Orange IVY PARK Adidas dress thanks @beyonce. @ivyparkadidas @ivypark. @beyonce. @dougspearman

A post shared by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on Jan 12, 2020 at 1:27pm PST

Reese Witherspoon

 

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Thank you, @Beyonce for the #IvyPark swag!

A post shared by Reese Witherspoon (@reesewitherspoon) on Jan 15, 2020 at 2:28pm PST

Janelle Monae

 

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Thank you Bey for these @weareivypark pieces ! And a special thank you for my new hide out where I’ll bey escaping my duties . S O proud of you ! Luhhhhh uuuuu @beyonce swiiiipe ☄️

A post shared by Janelle Monáe (@janellemonae) on Jan 15, 2020 at 10:35pm PST

Hailey Bieber

[email protected] unboxing her #adidasxIVYPARK package. pic.twitter.com/Y3rcxIDhCe

— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@BeyLegion) January 15, 2020

Kelly Rowland

[email protected] unboxing her #adidasxIVYPARK package. pic.twitter.com/vGqwwnZrnl

— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@BeyLegion) January 16, 2020

Yara Shahidi

 

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ADDIDASXIVYPARK PEEK

A post shared by Yara (يارا‎) Shahidi (@yarashahidi) on Jan 10, 2020 at 11:41pm PST

Scottie Beam

 

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Check my instastories to see what Beyonce SELECTED for me. Lmfao! Thank you so so much @weareivypark @beyonce ✨ THE INFEED PHOTO IS COMING!

A post shared by scottiebeam (@scottiebeam) on Jan 17, 2020 at 6:48am PST

Ellen DeGeneres

Thank you, @Beyonce. I love my big orange box. Your new clothes are really cool too. #adidasxIVYPARK @adidas pic.twitter.com/ecTxZ5o0CG

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) January 15, 2020

Missy Elliott

Thank you so much @Beyonce I am soooooooo humbly grateful you are a GEM! Lol the box was so big I was scared to open I thought a whole human was gonna jump out but this FYE sis #IVYPARK I LOVE IT! pic.twitter.com/hJbrfDWvXL

— Missy Elliott (@MissyElliott) January 16, 2020

Diplo

[email protected] unboxing his #adidasxIVYPARK package. pic.twitter.com/D2BKKVzLBw

— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@BeyLegion) January 14, 2020

Zendaya

Zendaya has gotten her Ivy Park box....#IvyParkXAdidas #IvyPark #adidasxIVYPARK #adidas pic.twitter.com/fLYdYAVyWn

— Yoncé Headlines (@YonceHeadlines) January 15, 2020

Kim Kimble

 

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Thank you @beyonce @weareivypark @adidas for this drip and I’m going to buy some as well

A post shared by Kim Kimble (@kimblehaircare) on Jan 15, 2020 at 4:07pm PST

Rita Ora

Rita Ora out and about in her Ivy Park x Adidas wear. pic.twitter.com/hFt4OQjE4v

— Beyoncé, Period! (@ourhermitage) January 16, 2020

Quincy

Diddy’s son, Quincy, also got a box of the upcoming Ivy Park/Adidas collection, officially dropping on the 18th of January, 2020 pic.twitter.com/rUJOWgy2l4

— Beyoncé, Period! (@ourhermitage) January 12, 2020

Cardi B

 

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That new @weareivypark bomb

A post shared by Cardib (@iamcardib) on Jan 13, 2020 at 10:15pm PST

Laverne Cox

https://twitter.com/BeyLegion/status/1216405687862988806

 

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#mood4eva in my Adidas X IVY Park ... #mood #TransIsBeautiful @adidas @weareivypark @beyonce #DisclosureDoc

A post shared by laverne cox (@lavernecox) on Jan 16, 2020 at 12:00pm PST

Michelle Williams

 

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Looks coming soooooooooon!!! “I GOT IT” by @rickydillard is appropriate! @beyonce @weareivypark @adidas!! Ok bye for now!!

A post shared by Michelle Williams (@michellewilliams) on Jan 16, 2020 at 2:03pm PST

Solange

Solange getting the Ivy Park x Adidas from her sis pic.twitter.com/G2bRO2lTYc

— | IVY PARK X ADIDAS ON JAN 18th (@beysarayonce) January 15, 2020

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner got a Ivy Park box...#IvyParkXAdidas #IvyPark #adidasxIVYPARK #adidas pic.twitter.com/79LGysUZBp

— Yoncé Headlines (@YonceHeadlines) January 17, 2020

Keke Palmer

 

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why do i feel like the whole planet earth is going to wear ivy park? — #beyonce #beyoncé #queen #queenb #yoncé #rumiandsir #rumiandsircarter #rumicarter #sircarter #blueivy #blueivycarter #jayz #jayonce #beyonceandjayz #thecarters #sashafierce #beyhives #beyhive #beckywiththegoodhair #ivypark #ivyparkbeyonce #weareivypark #ivypark2020 #2020 #beyonce2020 #beyoncephotoshoot #beyonceoutfit #flawless

A post shared by (@bivyslife) on Jan 17, 2020 at 4:36am PST

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Versace

Jennifer Lopez's Iconic Versace Dress To Be Transformed Into Swanky Watch

The iconic Versace dress worn by Jennifer Lopez that sparked the creation of Google Images is now a luxurious watch.

To mark the brand's Spring-Summer 2020 collection, the brand has decided to reprise the Medusa Frame jungle print by way of a sleek timepiece. In addition to the new collection, this also marks the 20th anniversary of Donatella Versace's legendary jungle print. Roman numbers are found in the dial along with an interchangeable black leather strap for additional styling. The piece will cause Versace and J.Lo fans a pretty penny at $1,495.00 when it hits retailers in May.

Since her jaw-dropping fashion moment, the actress-singer has rocked the print a few times. A jumpsuit version was worn in the visuals for "I Luv Ya Papi" back in 2014 with a revamped version of the gown making its way to Milan Fashion Week in 2019.

But the jungle print wristwatch isn't the only second coming of the print. The brand will also release shirts, heart-shaped necklaces, Squalo sneakers and beaded as a three-dimensional décor on Virtus handbags.

Originally worn to the Grammys in 2000, Lopez's take on the dress was both a music and fashion moment. Although the dress was worn by Spice Girls member Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, Donatella Versace and Sandra Bullock (in another color), Lopez's daring look cemented her spot in pop culture.

“I really didn’t think about it. I didn’t think it was all that risqué, to be honest,” Lopez told Vogue in 2019. “I was more excited it was the Grammys. I wasn’t even thinking about the dress all that much. I was just glad I had something to wear.”

Check out the watch below.

 

 

 

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Supporters of singer R. Kelly, Azriel Clary and Joycelyn Savage, leave after the singer's arraignment at the Dirksen Federal Building on July 16, 2019 in Chicago, Illinois.
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Azriel Clary Contemplates Working With Feds In R. Kelly Case After Fight With Joycelyn Savage

The case against R. Kelly has continued to grow new legs as Azriel Clary has contemplated working with authorities following her fight with former girlfriend Joycelyn Savage.

This week, the 22-year-old returned home after getting into a physical altercation with the 24-year-old at Kelly's residence at the Trump Towers in Chicago. The fight (or screams) were heard on Clary's Instagram Live Wednesday (Jan. 8). After returning home and pressing charges against Savage, Clary is now interested in working with the federal agents in the assault case against R. Kelly. Sources tell TMZ "she now wants to help law enforcement with its investigation into Kelly, but she has a huge hang-up—she's terrified because she's lied to federal agents several times in the past." Clary also signed an NDA during her relationship with Kelly.

During her fight with Savage on Instagram Live, the aspiring singer says multiple times the two engaged in sexual activity when she was a minor, an allegation she denied in their joint interview with Gayle King and with the feds. Elsewhere in her Live, she admitted Kelly convinced her and Savage to lie to King during their interview. He also prohibited them from watching the Lifetime documentary, Surviving R. Kelly. She reportedly saw the documentary after leaving Kelly's residence.

Despite the rumors, federal agents are not involved in the situation between Savage and Clary. Savage was formally charged with misdemeanor battery and made bond. She is expected to return to court in a few weeks. Savage was also briefly reunited with her family this week.

Clary's mother Alice Clary spoke with PEOPLE about the welfare of her daughter and urged the public to see her as a victim, not a willing participant in Kelly's alleged behavior. “Everybody has something to say, she was 17 when she left. Now she’s 22, but guess what? She’s had problems for the last few years,” she said. “She may have done things as far as being grown physically as a young woman, but mentally no. She still has the mental capacity of a 17-year-old because he kept her stagnated for years and didn’t let her be with her family.”

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As the families continue to help their children, the public has weaved their own theories into why Clary decided to leave Kelly's grip. Bloggers like Tasha K, who have reported on Kelly's predatory behavior, reported Wednesday (Jan. 8) a possible reason for Clary and Savage's fight. Clary allegedly arrived at the condo with a man, a rule-breaker in the condo. When Savage approached her about breaking the rules, the two got into a scuffle as Kelly's helper named Kimberly watched.

Lifetime followed up their acclaimed documentary with Surviving R. Kelly Part II: The Reckoning earlier this month with follow up interviews with his victims and notably, Dominque Gardner who was rescued by her mother in the first doc.

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